jealous of ex's, is it normal? Options

[anoniez]

is being jealous of your bf/gf's ex(es) normal? why should you feel bad, if they dont care about them anymore? (its different if they do still care, i suppose) what can you do to prevent it?

i can understand why he feels bad when he thinks about me and my ex doing stuff together.. i mean, i was his first kiss but he wasn't mine.. but he gets jealous every time my ex(first boyfriend) is mentioned, even though we dont talk anymore. is there anything i can say to stop him from thinking about it / being jealous about it? i really dont want him to be hurt like this from something that doesnt even exist anymore.

[*anubis*]

it's not a pleasant feeling to him, not to mention awkward.

it reminds him of the fact that, before he got to you, you used to belong to somebody else. and if he really has strong feelings for you, it would make him uncomfortable knowing that you once had feelings for another guy.

obviously if he's so bothered by it, don't ever mention your ex boyfriend.

EVER.

that's like the first rule to the nonexistant "keeping your boyfriend" handbook.

NEVER TALK ABOUT YOUR EX.

guys hate that. "oh my last boyfriend used to.. blah blah blah" whether it's good or bad, they don't want to hear it.

oh yeah--and it's normal.

why would you ever talk about your ex in front of him anyway?

[anoniez]

oops.. when i said mentioned, i didnt mean that it was me mentioning him.. its usually either my bf mentioning it, or other people.. =/ its not like i want to talk about it.

[flaymzofice]

Like anubis said, it's mostly to do with what goes on in your other half's head. The thought of someone else having you before your current got to you. From observation, it bothers guys more than girls - it's a territorial thing. Guys have to 'own' everything completely, or be in control, and obvious they're not if they came second etc. Don't think there's anything you can do to 'prevent it' - it's on them to get over it, harsh as that may seem. I always think current relationshippers should realise you're with them right now and not the ex...for a reason. Quit living in the past.

[me1issaaaa]

Right, but think of it this way:

You're prettier, smarter, more fun, and better than she was, or he wouldn't be with you now.

[*anubis*]

Right, but think of it this way:

You're prettier, smarter, more fun, and better than she was, or he wouldn't be with you now.

i think you have the situation backwards a little.

[me1issaaaa]

Whoops. I guess I got a little confused. It's been a long day, 'scuse me.

I'd say something else, bit I'm a bit embarassed and I don't want to say the wrong thing... again.

[anoniez]

hahah, its ok; im sure i can turn that around to say to him. =p

[*krnxswat*]

It's okay. I'm kind of in that situation (your current boyfriend's).
It agitates me everytime I think about my gf doing stuff with her ex. GAH.
But. Yeah. I usually try to get over it. Haha. There's nothing you can really do.
Just act cute. and be a little affectionate here and there.

[Chii]

ugh, my ex used to be like that. i know what it's like, it's completely ridiculous, he always brought up my ex's and was all you did whatever with them so why not with me?

we always fought about stupid sh*t because of him but he always turned it around and made it my fault.

sometimes enough is just enough. tell him that the crap he brings up is in the past and all it does is cause friction between you two. you respect that he may have some insecurites but you two are in the present and if he wants a future then he cannot keep throwing your past in your face.

[silver-rain]

Yeah, I'm in a similar situation but reversed. I hate it whenever my boyfriend brings up his ex's and whatever he did with them.
But I guess you just have to console him that that was the past and this is the present. You can't change the past. However, you're with him now aren't you? That means that there was something that attracted you to him in the first place, and something that's keeping you with him too. Just focus on that. The past is the past but the present is now, and that's what really matters.

[LittleLulu]

i've never dated any men who've had ex's.

and my ex didn't really care when i mentioned me ex ex. obviously he just...well he just doesn't care about me. thats why.

Well at least its a good sign, because it shows that he really does care for you. but i can see how i could be rather frustrating.

I suppose men just often need reassurance?

[_sarcastic_]

sometimes enough is just enough. tell him that the crap he brings up is in the past and all it does is cause friction between you two. you respect that he may have some insecurites but you two are in the present and if he wants a future then he cannot keep throwing your past in your face.

i agree.

he's not exactly making the relationship healthy at all, he needs to get over the fact that you were with someone else before he came along. he has you know doesn't he?
my bf is doing this to me right now, bringing up my ex saying how much he hates my ex when he doesn't even know him in the first place, and then it causes a huge arguement between us.

[da_SALSA]

I understand your boyfriend's feelings. I dislike my boyfriend's ex so much. I mean he has a lot of ex's but, this one...I really dislike her. It's because she was a lot of his firsts, and I was there to see it too. The fact that they shared a lot of things togther makes me so jealous. She won't leave us alone...well until lately when I told her off. She spreads gossip about me and tries to seduce him. But, thankfully, he hates her for what she's done w/ both of us.

Just please don't mention the ex, and if you do--assure him in a way that'll ease his worry.

[pinayprincess]

either the guy is jealous or the girl is jealous [after a relationship] they care 100%... see me & my ex, its been 1 and a half months for me to try to get over him; b/c soon i had a new bf i didnt tell anybody, but a few friends knew.. he was the 3rd person to know.. b/c of course i still cared, and he said he wouldnt 'move on' until i had a bf... since we broke up, i already had a new bf.. but didnt tell him, but it felt wrong that i was keeping this from him b/c i guess he was still waiting... i told him eventually and he was kinda jealous... he says 'not jealous' but 'feeling bad' that we go out [like ohh man]... so really for both of us being exes, jealousy plays with both of us, even it means teasing [which he ALWAYS does]

[Zlatko]

....

[NgocQuyen]

maybe he needs some assurance. lols just tell him that there is absolutely nothing goin on with you and your ex bf...lols...thats the best i can do..lols i mean you can't go inside his brain and rewire it and make him not be jealous anymore

[FoxBandCutie08]

My boyfriend is like that, he likes to joke about me still wanting my ex but I think he kind of believes it too. I definitely don't, but if i try to tell him a funny story or something that happens to have my ex in it, he gets pretty offended pretty fast. Don't mention him very much, and reassure your boyfriend that if you and your ex didn't have problems, you wouldn't be EX'S now would you?