Subliminal Messages Part 2, =D Options

[seremela_culnamo]

If you haven't read my previous post, Subliminal Messages , then you might want to read it. But if it's really long and there's alot of stuff. But either way, you don't have to. Because what happened today, that's what is important =D Read on, please. I really need some advice and I hope that I'm not all happy when it's nothing.

Well it all started out with this good friend of mines, Dean. I really really like him and these emotions, it's not the same. It's completely true and stuff, and I have never felt this way towards another guy. What do you think? I will tell him myself, eventually. I hope..He knows, but people just say that I should tell him and that he's waiting to hear it from me, not my best friend. Anyway, here goes everything! It's from my site, so yea. Don't mind.


Speaking of today, the morning started out perfectly, despite the snow that I had to walk through. Anyway, when I got to the school, guess who was one of the first people I saw? The first person I talked to that's not part of the family? Uh-huh. It was Dean =D Well I was almost at the school, when he comes out. He looked like he was waiting, since he just stood there as I approached. I kinda got worried as I got closer, since I thought Alex talked to him about it. Turns out not. Whew* Basically we just talked outside for awhile. Now he knows I have a spare, too. So I purposely told him that and said that I will be upstairs at my locker or something with Alex. After that, I like 'floated' into the school. But I had no clue whether he was just waiting for me or I don't know what he was up to. He was heading out but it looked like he was just standing there, waiting or something.

Went up to my locker and then to my dropped class to get my mid-term. But since the teacher wasn't there, there was no point. I was surprised that Alex knew where to find me when I said I will meet him at the lockers. Anyway, we walk to the lockers and I dared him to sing the national anthem. Hmph* He actually sings the Russain's national anthem! After that, we went to the guidance to hand in my form to drop the course. Then we went back up. Not much happened. Just him trying to fall asleep as he leaned on me but I kept on pushing him away. Lol. Then him trying to make me do my homework from the night before, but I was really tired last night and my mind wasn't functioning when it comes to work right in the morning. Especially when I didn't really understand the questions, which involves a lot of 'researching'. Damn it >< Alex, I will get you for taking the pictures! Meh. At least he didn't do a good job since nobody could really tell it's me. Lol. While all that happened, I kept on glancing towards the stairs, in hope that Dean will come.

Eventually he does come in the last half hour of our spare =D It was so embarrassing at first. I had no clue if he saw what Alex was doing to me. He was mouthing "gooo!" and nudging me to go over to Dean and tell him I like him! Obviously I don't or I wouldn't be in a such a good mood now, right? >< Alex told him to sit next to us and at first Dean was going to sit in front of us, but he decides to sit next to me. Oi* They both ganged up on me. Especially Dean. Lol. Like not in a bad way or something. Well basically he kept on tickling me. Like, it wasn't just like, "heh. i tickle you!" It was more like, "i will get you no matter what!" So yea. That was really embarrassing. The first time, I could feel my face heating up. But I don't think I was at the point of blowing up with my blushing. Like Dean wouldn't stop. At one point, I just kinda got up and ran to the other side of the hall. Dean comes after me and said that he will chase me if he had to. So I just kinda like sulked down into a sitting position and shielded myself. He gave up then. Lol. Sigh* Even though when I tried to get away or stand up, he kinda pulled me back down.

Heh. It wasn't as embarrassing in some ways when he put his head on my shoulder though. Alex told him to >< Like my sweater, apparently it's really soft. Meh. Haha. Dean was somewhat..fascinated with my watch though. The burning fire in the background. Yea. It was a bit weird today, since that dude loves to rub his fingers against my shoulders or something. That's his like everyday routine. Or to poke me. When today it was like that, then to connection with hands, my knobbly knees (haha. alex! funny how everyone's knees is and alex got fascinated with his!), foot, stomach, shoulders (since he was trying to tickle me there) and my hips. Meh. It really awkward but how we were all acting, it was hilarous. Haha. & whenever Dean and my afternoon teacher walked by, we would stop. Lol.

Then when I went back, Alex helped him out >< Since I was blocking them from tickling me, Dean decides to go on with the knee tickling thing. You know how you kinda spread your hands out across someones' knees with your fingertips? Yea. So since he couldn't do it, he got Alex to do that to me. While taking that advantage of me moving, to tickle me. It was just really embarrassing since he was using both hands. Which meant that his arm was wrapped around my back o.O & when I tried to make him stop, our hands kept brushing. Especially when I said I'm fat and that he shouldn't poke me, so he placed his hand over my tummy and started poking it and stuff. He was like, "there's probably a six pack or something in there!" I'm like, "-_-"". Then he tested it out and as though from it, he proved I'm not fat. Argh ><

Well after he gave up with the tickling, we just..talked. Lol. Haha. He's so big compared to me! Like I measured my hand with his, and only crap, his is huge! Lol. & then he took me by the leg, and measured it with his feet. So big, too. Haha. Well at one point, it was kinda award. Since he was there, kneeling or something, while holding my feet and observing how small they are. Meh. Alex got all quiet once he came. He takes out his MP3, blasted it on so we can talk. Thanks Alex =] Meh >< He made me speak in Cantonese. & you know me. I'm not good in it and I can't really talk to my friends in the language or anything, since it's awkward. So yea. I actually ended up speaking in Chinglish. Omg, Alex, you're so mean! He said insulting stuff to me and I guess you could say perverted stuff that involved Dean. I know he was only kidding, so yea. We really didn't know what to say so Dean was telling up to say what. So Alex was like "lang lui" to me (sorry, i'm not good with using english to pronounce what people say in cantonese!) and Dean was like, "i know what that means!" and then Alex described to him what it exactly meant. Then Alex says it again and I'm like, "pshhh". Then Dean was like, "say that she's pretty". & Alex says it for him. I was so embarrassed that that I responded, "ugly!" in Cantonese. No, Alex. I did not mean you! I meant me. It was a reaction to just have that come out of my mouth o.O Heh, surprisingly I wasn't too embarrassed when he offered me his hand to pull me up >< Don't tease me =P

Well after that, it was time for classes. So once again, I 'floated' to class. Didn't see him until lunch, but it was the occasional happy "hi tiffany!" from him and then we just say, "bye" when he leaves. Then in Writer's Craft, we had that Urban Aids Presentation in the gym. So we had 10 minutes to spare at the beginning of class. He came over to me while I put on my multiplication gloves, since I took them off when I just went to the washroom. He takes one and wears it. Lol. His hand's so big compared to mines, that it didn't completely cover it! Heh. He was like, "with these gloves, i can pretend to be tiffany!" I cover my face with my hands, shaking my head, pretending to be disappointed when I went, "nooo, i look like a guy!" He goes, "nooo! i didn't mean that. only my hands will be like tiffany". Lol. He couldn't get it off so I had to help him ><

When it was time for the presentation, he asked me again about skipping it. He asked me to skip it with him in the morning, but I wasn't sure. Like it doesn't really matter since a lot of people were skipping. I was going to, but I didn't know whether or not we had to sit with the class, so I said I will see. Anyway, he asked me again and I said I will see who goes. Then I walked out of the class with Sarah. Then I realized that I didn't tell him whether or not I was going to go skip with him. So I looked back, and didn't see him and since our teacher was behind us, I couldn't just leave, even though the assembly isn't like a requirement or anything. Sigh* I regret not skipping with him. He seemed to cheerful about skipping and basically I just ditched him. Didn't even tell him that I wasn't going to. Meaning that if he was to skip, he was going to be all alone >< Meh, I'm going to call him up later and tell him that I was sorry. Like I thought he was going to at least pretend he was going to the assembly by walking with us and from there, I will tell him whether or not I was going to attend it. But he was gone by then. & then perhaps mention about whether or not he wants to go out for breakfast with Alex and I on Monday morning to make up for ditching him. Heh. I know it's not right to skip, but the presentation was useless. They got DJs to come in and some of those who work on MuchMusic Vibe thing to come in and put on a performance in the end. I swear, the two rappers and all the guests must think my school is the most unenthusiatic school. Nobody was really actually dancing around or anything, even though they tried to get us all pumped by making us stand up.

All that happened today made me wonder. I felt like I was Lana all day. Well not exactly what she goes through, but those who talk to me about this and such, you will know what I mean. I wish that this feeling can stay here. & not wake up tomorrow or later in the day, realized that I'm not Lana. So I might as well let this feeling continue even though I guess he still thinks I'm Chloe. After today, I really don't know whether I should really tell him myself. Since pratically everyone has been giving me the same opinion and such, that I should tell him myself and that he's waiting or something. I dunno ><

- Thanks! I really appreciate the help I can get!