Taking chances with a guy, I'd love your opinions Options

[ceara cecilyrose]

Lets say you've managed to fall completely head over heels for someone you met online. They live interstate and feel the same way about you, although you've only been chatting for 3 or 4 months.
What do you do? You're quite certain that he's exactly who and what he says he is and are thinking of just jumping on a plane and staying with him in his house for a few weeks.

I'm really curious about what other people would do in this situation.
I was in this situation around three months back, so after some people have replied, I'll tell you my story.

[NyCaZnShOrtAii]

thats a little scary though...
i mean its a complete stranger wut if he was an adult? like a crazy person

[me1issaaaa]

My boyfriend & I met online. It was his birthday, and I wanted to be nice and leave him a comment. In all honesty, I had no intentions of starting any kind of relationship with him at all, I just thought he was cute. But he started talking to me more and more, and after a while he called me because we were tired of just online stuff. Of course we've met and everything, so we're not petefiles or anything (I don't know how to spell 'petefile'). Anyway, we've been together nearly a year, and we're doing better than we ever have.

Basically, just be careful and make sure you're both who you say you are, meaning he's not some 40+ year old comic book geek. Good luck

[*tweeak*]

Pedophile

Your story is still really sweet, Melissa

[me1issaaaa]

^I've met you, tooooooo!

I love you, Nicki. <3 Thank you for el spellcheck-o.

[Chii]

I'm really curious about what other people would do in this situation.
I was in this situation around three months back, so after some people have replied, I'll tell you my story.

so what is this all about? you just want to hear what we think about internet relationships then you can tell your little story? how is this asking for advice? or, are you really asking for advice but you want to hide or something?

either way, i'm confused but, i've met some very nice people from the internet...except for one, he said he was 19 and looked more like 39

[Tribal J_Rome]

my friend and his gf met online. they "knew" each other for like 2 years and finally she asked my friend out and that's the story of them. she only lived 2 hours away so they saw each other a couple times. they see each other a lot now and i guess they're perfect for each other. they first met each other up at six flags though, so if u were gonna do anything my thoughts are like......just meet up somewhere where u know nothing bad can happen i guess.

[ceara cecilyrose]

Hehe

I was mostly interested in hearing stories and opinions from other people. I definitely don't think I need advice on this before :)

Anyways, I booked an interstate flight in a snap decision that I should definitely meet this guy and the plan was that I'd stay with him for 9 days at his house! Of course, I was scared stiff, knowing full well that I was doing something that most would think extremely unwise. I didn't meet him in a neutral location. The first time I laid eyes on him for real was when I arrived at his door. More than that, I didn't even have alternate accomodations arranged (although I did have an emergency plan of course!).

When I arrived at his door, we took one look at each other and landed in each others arms. It was incredibly romantic. Everything moved in slow motion!
I was so overcome and blown away by him that I couldn't talk for hours, just clung to him because I couldn't think of anything to say. It was love before first site :)
We both got over our shyness after a few hours though.
We've been together every since - most of it together physically as well as mentally. I ended up staying with him for two weeks and then when I came back home, I brought him with me and we stayed together for another month and half. We love each other to an incredible extent and will happily spend almost all of our time together.
In a few days, I'm jumping on a plane again to stay with him again.

It's almost enough to make me believe in fate...

[*iNyCxShoRT*]

I'd have to say, just make sure he's a real person. Not someone whos 347238947893758934 years older than you. Hmm...maybe you should try talking on the phone. and if you're convinced. Then you could meet?

[Tribal J_Rome]

3 or 4 months? that's like exactly the same amount of time i've known the people i know from cb and cb chat. i don't have money or time to fly over and meet anybody right now, but it'd be awesome to do so sometime.

[ceara cecilyrose]

Haha.

We HAVE met though, iNyCxShoRT


Its so incredible that I met him, it really is. It was only the second time I met ANYONE who i knew on the net first rather than in person :D

[Chii]

personally, i'd never, ever do that. i wouldn't trust anyone from the internet to such an extent where i'd buy myself an airplane ticket to go see someone them, even if i knew them for like 8 months... just make sure that he really isn't some weirdo with a not so nice motive

people can act like they're very nice for a few months then bam you see who they really are...just be really careful...

[Hiphop d[-_-]b]

I would never meet them, alone. And i wouldnt book a flight after knowing them for only 3-4 months. But it seemd you two worked out great . Hope everything keeps going on good :D

[_sarcastic_]

good for you that you'd met him. but wow meeting him at his house can be abit risky.

[hottiebheibi]

wow.... i wish my love story will be like that.... me and my guy have been together for a year now and i haven't met him for his too far away i wish we could end up like yours... how sweet

[Rachel]

Even though it probably wasn't the best move to meet him at his house, yay for finding love.

[yummy_delight]

Congratulations about your boyfriend! I'm glad that you were lucky enough to find love that way.

However, I don't think it was the smartest move. You could have been UNLUCKY and ended up on the doorstep of a pedophile or someone who'd wear your skin as a suit. I definitely wouldn't do it. Hell, I'm scared to give out my address on the Internet, let alone meet someone.

The only time it's ever semi-happened to me is when I met this guy online that lived a city away. I never met him, but I found out that some of my friends knew him and I talked to them about the guy. They said he was bad news because he was into drugs (which I knew) and he hit his old girlfriend so I didn't go see him as we had planned.

[Kneuklid Romance]

..you've already met him? And you like him? Then my advice is completely obsolete ^___^.

I have nothing to say then.

LHHRS

Kevyn @-)-------

[ceara cecilyrose]

All of you who say it was really risky are right. The funny thing is that usually I'm quite cautious with guys I've met over the net. Like... really cautious. In fact, my boyfriend was only the second person I ever met off the net and I've been heavily involved in a whole slew of websites over the last ten years or so.
Oscar (thats his name) and I were both quite astonished that I'd suddenly decided to visit him. There are very few net people who I'd be game to do that with. A lot of it is that we were just friends first, online. Friends and friends only. Hell, he didn't even flirt! He didn't know HOW to flirt. And I never got those 'I want to sleep with you' vibes. Normally when you talk to guys online, they tend to be sexually agressive and ask you stupid questions about your sex life etcetc. Oscar did none of those things (which is good, because guys doing that drive me up the wall because they're all sleazy scum in my opinion!)

If he'd turned out to be a paedophile, that wouldn't have affected me (since I'm in my 20s, so he wouldn't be interested anyways!).
Before I met him, I talked to his family and friends as well, to see if I got any weird vibes from any of them - and I didn't at all.

But yes, we both decided that we were being utterly insane for meeting like that, breaking all the rules of internet dating and the like. If I were younger, there's no way I would have gone to visit. I'd have freaked out waaaaaaay too much and been too cautious. And if it were anyone else... No way. Not a chance. I've met and got along well with other people on the net, but there are very few of them who I'd be willing to meet face to face like that.

All that having been said, I tend to liken the internet to a big city. Some places in it are dark and dangerous. You wouldn't want to go into an alleyway at 3am in a district known for violent rapes and murders. And I wouldn't go into a sleazy chatroom and meet up with guys from there who ask me if I'm underage.
But if you stick to the right sorts of places on the net and use a bit of common sense, it's generally pretty safe. I think it's important to remember that people on the net are still people - normal every day people like you or I. The net is no more full of murderous freaks than the real world and yet people exercise a lot less caution in the real world. Like the dating scene or with new friendships. Why? Just because we can see them face to face? Thats really not a very good predictor. A lot of abusive people SEEM perfectly fine even face to face...
So I think wherever you are, you need to be careful.

I know it doesn't seem that way, but with Oscar, I was careful in most of the ways that count. I knew him pretty well before meeting him face to face, I talked to people he knows (including his mother) and had a very good idea of what his lifestyle was like. I saw plenty of photos of him (none of them disgusting - yet another sign that he's not a freaky sleaze hehe) and where he lives. I looked him and his family up on the net as well. I found out his political and religious views, what his favourite animals are, his previous experience with relationships and all of those other things. I knew more about him than the average person who gets into a relationship with someone they met face to face first :)

I also did have an emergency plan. Several, actually. When I met him, I had my mobile phone with me set to dial family in the same city, just in case.

It turned out that none of these measures were necessary. He's exactly who he said he was and I'm quite certain that he's not about to become an abusive arse later on down the track. I don't feel this way just because of instincts. I have a degree in psychology and a lot of my interests are in the real of personality psychology as well as the psychology of trauma, so I have a pretty good idea of the personality profiles of abusive people. Oscar simply doesn't fit them. He's very non-aggressive, not highly sex driven, extremely moral (but not judgemental, he just has moral standards that he sticks to), isn't at all domineering. In fact, in our relationship, my role is more like that of the 'guy' than his is.
In the past, he had problems getting involved with girls because they tended to put him up on a pedastal and compare him to a priest figure *g* Course, I never did because I don't put ANYONE on a pedastal.

Funny really. Before Oscar, I never thought I'd ever get involved with anyone online. I really, really didn't.

[randomized__xx]

Whoa you were prepared and cautious! Kudos to you.

Your were really lucky to find the right person on the internet.
Personally, I wouldn't, but I'm too paranoid about alot of stuff.
So erm good luck.