happiness, a paragraph for english class |
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| *stephinika* |
 Nov 3 2005, 12:37 AM
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#1
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just wanted some opinions on this. we were supposed to write s 50-100 word paragraph on a subject with a topic sentence, a concluding sentence, and the body consists of only direct metaphors, in the style of E.B. White's piece "Democracy." so yeah...constructive criticism would be appreciated, thanks.
Being happy is a mixture of feeling relaxed, elated, and satisfied. Happiness is the hot water in the steaming shower after a long day. Happiness is seeing the phone display "New message". Happiness is passing by beautiful scenery on a drive that is hours long. Happiness is laughing and not being able to stop. Happiness is being able to not have a single worry on one's mind. Happiness is accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you. Happiness is waking up on the morning of a long needed vacation. Happiness is spending quality time with one's most precious friends. Feeling happy is that state of contentedness and euphoria. |
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Nov 3 2005, 02:20 AM
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#2
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 Amberific.  Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 12,913 Joined: Jul 2004 Member No: 29,772 |
I generally like it, but the last part - the image of contentedness and euphoria - is weird. Being content is different than being euphoric, IMO. I'd chose a similar word to either "content" or "euphoria" or just strike one completely.
It sounds good though. I guess we need to be up on our E.B. White to make a good comparision/analysis. |
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