Valiant Ones, A poem deidicated to the military... |
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 Sep 6 2005, 10:14 PM
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#1
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 What up, dawg?  Group: Member Posts: 235 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 19,480  |
*~*Valiant Ones*~*
A you are tearing for those On the battlefield, One thought comes to mind that causes Other thoughts to yield. Maybe these souls didn't die in Vain, Maybe these souls didn't feel the Pain, For their minds were set on Just one small thing. They didn't need to feel, didn't Need to think. For as they lie here, crimson Mixing with the mud, They live on because there's Honor Running in their blood... by Rin-chan |
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Sep 7 2005, 12:08 PM
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#2
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 o.O Group: Member Posts: 47 Joined: Aug 2005 Member No: 219,809 |
sad.
thats all i hav to say. (except for "that's all i hav to say" and what i'm writing rite now) |
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Sep 7 2005, 12:55 PM
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#3
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What up, dawg? Group: Member Posts: 235 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 19,480 |
Thanks for reading it, but I don't think it's sad at all. They will live on because people will remember how they died valiantly, hence the title.
 Thanks again for reading!Rin-chan |
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Sep 9 2005, 12:25 AM
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#4
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*Influential Guitarist & Inspiring Writer* Group: Official Member Posts: 1,217 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 51,134 |
Im glad you wrote something for the people who died in the war my dad lost his two friends who died in iraq on monday couple of days ago Helicopter got shot down and now Im praying for my dad's safety while hes there in iraq other than that nice writing piece
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Sep 9 2005, 03:01 AM
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#5
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 I'll never be who I was again.. Group: Member Posts: 2,886 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 77,981 |
Kind of scares me because my friend is planning to go to Iraq after he graduates..
But its a nice poem..Very sad though.. |
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Sep 9 2005, 10:25 PM
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#6
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What up, dawg? Group: Member Posts: 235 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 19,480 |
Aww... thanks!
I'll pray for your father and his friends who valiantly passed on (dispn0ygonekrazy) and for your friend (nekochan1018). Good luck to them and everyone in the armed forces. Rin-chan |
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Sep 9 2005, 11:02 PM
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#7
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 My name's Katt. Nice to meet you! Group: Member Posts: 3,826 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 93,674 |
I don't really like the rhyme scheme. All your thoughts seem to be jumbled and disconnected. And I'm not exactly sure this picture you're illustrating would represent 'honor', but I really like the subject of your poem.
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| *torngemini* |
Sep 10 2005, 01:08 AM
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#8
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Guest |
I liked it and I kinda like it when some people write in disconnection. It kinda makes me feel like that how people really thing. Most poeple don't think in a linear manner, our thoughts jump around a bit. It's very real and I appreciate the subject that was conveyed.
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Sep 10 2005, 10:41 AM
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#9
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What up, dawg? Group: Member Posts: 235 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 19,480 |
^^^ Thanks, alot.
Personally, the poem isn't jumbled or disconnected at all. You read line to line. Each line makes sense and the next line is another thought that connects to the previous line. They all completely connect in the last line. Besides, if it made perfect, logical sense, it would be called prose. Rin-chan |
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