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Needy boyfriend
mushiebeans
post Nov 16 2008, 01:41 PM
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I feel bad cuz hes trying to be the best boyfriend, being there for everything, coming to my house when im bored. But I feel smothered. Especially cuz during football season, he came to every game. Every Friday. But somehow I feel like Friday is MY thing, with MY friends. I haven't gone anywhere without him these days, cuz my friends invite him everywhere i'm going with, and even my parents ask me to ask him to go anywhere. I feel really smothered, like I have no freedom. Especially being a naturally free person who LOVES to socialize, I can't stand the fact that everyone asks "wheres J?" Any time I'm without him. I'm being a bad girlfriend arent I? I should be thankful for such a caring boyfriend. But I'm not. I read too many romance novels and watch too much movies. But frankly all that mushy romantic stuff is a bit too much for me because I'm much more an independent person than the "oh-baby-i-love-you-i-want-you-to-be-with-me-every-single-moment" kind of girl.
One example, Friday was homecoming, and so my bf and i went to the homecoming dance. But I was having much more fun dancing with my friends than with my bf (who cant dance for nuts.). Later he felt like I was being distant and that he wanted to "win my love back" and "better [himself]". I felt like it was a bit too much.
Am I a bad girlfriend for feeling smothered like this?
 
batman
post Nov 16 2008, 01:53 PM
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Nope. I think it's perfectly understandable that you feel smothered. I think you should talk to him and tell him to give you some space. Let him know that just because you don't feel like spending every waking moment with him doesn't mean you don't care about him.
 
mushiebeans
post Nov 16 2008, 01:57 PM
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but does the fact that I had more fun with my friends than with my boyfriend mean that he doesn't mean much to me? I always prefer more people because it tends to be more fun. But having a bf stuck to me kind of ruins it. because i can't run around and be goofy when i had a bf wanting to put his arm around me every living moment.
 
batman
post Nov 16 2008, 02:00 PM
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Does he mean enough to you? Isn't that something you should be able to answer for yourself?

If you're seriously feeling annoyed with him and don't like spending time with him, maybe it's time to reconsider the relationship. How long have you guys been together?
 
tokyo-rose
post Nov 16 2008, 02:10 PM
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QUOTE(mushiebeans @ Nov 16 2008, 01:57 PM) *
but does the fact that I had more fun with my friends than with my boyfriend mean that he doesn't mean much to me? I always prefer more people because it tends to be more fun. But having a bf stuck to me kind of ruins it. because i can't run around and be goofy when i had a bf wanting to put his arm around me every living moment.

You probably feel this way because you're together all the time. A couple should not spend every waking moment with each other. Take Melissa's advice and talk to him about needing time to yourself. Talk to your parents and friends about it, too.
 
karmakiller
post Nov 16 2008, 02:39 PM
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Communication is key. Let him know how you feel. If it takes him a while to come to terms with what you say, that doesn't make you a bad girlfriend, it just means he cares. If after you guys spend more time apart and you still feel like you have more fun with your friends than with him, then maybe it's time to take a step back and decide if this relationship is right for you.
 
Castaway
post Nov 17 2008, 01:55 AM
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He is too obsessed. Being obsessed isn't too much of a bad thing because it shows he really cares. But there's a line and he crossed it a bit but he told you he needed to win back your love.

QUOTE
but does the fact that I had more fun with my friends than with my boyfriend mean that he doesn't mean much to me? I always prefer more people because it tends to be more fun. But having a bf stuck to me kind of ruins it. because i can't run around and be goofy when i had a bf wanting to put his arm around me every living moment.

No, not at all. So he always has his arms around you? Or you two are always holding hands, etc? I don't blame you. When i see that, i do not see a healthy relationship (when a couple does that non-stop). Holding hands, holding each other is a nice thing but it can be overused to a point where it is no longer special.

Try hinting that you don't want to be smothered. Maybe he'll get it and he won't be so hurt. If you're patient you can try that out.. but if you're not then don't because you might get so sick of him that you'll break up..
The best way is to talk to him about it.
 
applejaxkz
post Nov 17 2008, 08:56 PM
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He does seem a little overwhelming. You should sit down and talk to him about it. Let him know that you are use to being an independent person. Tell him that you appreciate him doing so much, and being there for you. But sometimes you need "YOU" time. In which case you can tell him about Fridays. Say it's "Girls night out." If he can't let you do your thing for a single day a week, then he's being unfair.

I like being with my girlfriend a lot, but I know that there are times that I need to let her do her thing with her friends, and same with me.
 
Just_Dream
post Nov 21 2008, 03:45 PM
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QUOTE(jaeminnie @ Nov 16 2008, 11:10 AM) *
You probably feel this way because you're together all the time. A couple should not spend every waking moment with each other. Take Melissa's advice and talk to him about needing time to yourself. Talk to your parents and friends about it, too.

......... WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?! cry.gif


mushiebeans - It's okay my boyfriend isn't really good at dancing. He even trusts me enough to go with one of my girl friends clubbing. thumbsup.gif Anyway, how long have you been with him? You should just tell him that you need space. I mean, honestly if you feel so uncomfortable with him around EVEN when you are with your friends, you should really reconsider the relationship. Plus, maybe your expectations of a relationship conflict with his, so it's better to just talk it out - yes I know, I'm basically regurgitating what others have said, but it's true!. If he's not willing to change, then just break up. You don't want your existence to be defined by your boyfriend.

Seriously, some people still call me "Tony's Girlfriend" - it's like, "uh, hello?! I have a name! We went to high school together for 4 years!" sweating.gif


But then again, I'm kind of needy, and so is my boyfriend. We like being around each other so much. :D
 
LittleMissSunshi...
post Nov 21 2008, 09:44 PM
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it seems like you don't really want a boyfriend, i think you should talk to him. tell him that you want a little space. and if it doesn't suit him break up with him. because it seems like his caring-ness is too much for you.. it's natural, and if he's a good boyfriend he'll give enough space (: so you don't have to do anything if you don't talk to him!
 
mushiebeans
post Nov 23 2008, 06:17 PM
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yeah. 8, almost 9, months. yeah. its also college apps time and many of you know how stressing that is xD thanks :] it's working :) I just need some alone time right now. cuz im feeling really irritated at every human voice because of the apps. i need to look deep down right now to find myself. so yeah :] thanks. my bf is trying and im feeling better ^ ^
 
pinayprincess
post Nov 27 2008, 08:15 PM
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This happened to a close friend of mine. She felt like she didn't have room because of him & now that they aren't togethera, she's annoyed that everybody asks where he ex is. Its perfectly normal-just talk to him about it & if he takes it offensively, make him understand that you need to be respected
 
forthesakeof
post Dec 29 2008, 02:06 AM
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If he is trying to be the bestest boyfriend, he is probably doing more of a bad job than a half ass boyfriend.
 

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