My boyfriend and I have been going out for several months now. We're both in college. He recently told me that he went to a strip club for a friend's birthday this summer (before we started going out). For some reason though, this REALLY bothers me, even thought it was before we started dating.

For one thing I guess it made me feel really insecure about my body.. I mean.. if he's been around a bunch of beautiful naked women (it was a really famous strip club) why would he want me? I'm afraid of being constantly compared with them, even though I know I'm not bad looking. He even got a naked lap dance (in his words: "she had her shoes on"). And in that particular club I know you're allowed to touch (I don't know if he did and I'm afraid to ask). He even told me she took his shirt off and kissed him (sounding pretty pleased about it too). I don't know what to think and I KNOW I shouldn't be this bothered by it, it was before we started going out!! But for some reason I can't stop thinking about it.

I know pretty much all men go at one point and all that but this just won't go away. I keep thinking of him surrounded by naked women and I just get this sick feeling in my stomach. I have tried talking with him about it but it just led to a fight since he (rightly) sees nothing wrong with it. After all, we weren't even dating at the time.

Help!! How do I deal?? (please nothing like "just get over it" I've tried that) How should I think about this to make it bother me less?

If he really wanted "a bunch of beautiful naked women" he would left you and gone with them, seeing as he hasnt, he likes you.

I almost know the same thing you're going through. My boyfriend told me over the summer that last summer (of 06) he'd gotten together with some girl (when we weren't dating) and did things that he now regrets. It makes me feel insecure practically all the time (she was really pretty). Whenever I think about it I start to feel physically sick. The only thing you can do is let him know how you feel about it and (if he talks about it often), ask him to stop bringing it up because it makes you feel uncomfortable. It's really the only thing you can do, unfortunately. =/

Well for starters - isn't he being a bit cruel about going into details of his 'night out with the lads'?

Tell him exactly how underappreciated and insecure that sort of story makes you; and how you're dating now and he needs to stop bringing his single days up.

Throw a strop and get him to grovel. That'll make you feel more secure

Think about it, if you would go to a stripclub (with male strippers)... It's just fun.

Those strippers arent girl to him, they're objects. And you came later, and I doubt he ever thinks about them.

I know what you're going through. I've had these little jealousy things from the worst case you can imagine. It destroyed my relationship, eventually. Don't think about it too much, it's you that he loves.

welcome to life
atleast he's telling you about it

if it was before u were even together i can't really see what the big deal is

As Faith said, going out to a strip club is just fun. I mean, its normal to feel insecure about these kind of things. But I'm sure you have nothing to worry about if this was before you two got together.

Yeah. If he hasn't gone to a strip club since getting together with you, then it doesn't matter. Besides, he didn't go there on his own -- he went there for a friend's party.

I know you feel like you want to keep your boyfriend away from strip clubs and such. However sometimes the guy in the relationship just wants to have fun with his friends. Chances are he'll go. He'll like it, but if he decides to go again it will be a while before he does. When my brothers have gone, they have girlfriends, they don't go every week. Maybe like once every couple of months. Its a bad idea for you to tell him no or keep him tied down. Most guys don't like that.

Are you seriously getting worried because your boyfriend IN COLLEGE is trying to have fun with his COLLEGE friends at some strip club? Don't all college boys do this? It's sort of a liberation for what they couldn't do in high school.

What is there to be concerned about? If he's going to run off with a stripper then he wasn't worth it in the first place. Trust me, I'm like 80 percent sure you will have many experiences after him, anyway. Don't get hung up over an incident that happened before you guys were officially dating.

Despite the stereotypes and what you may think, a majority of guys aren't into the boob implants and women who get naked for money. They just act as if they like it because that's what we expect them to do. Be confident about yourself and your body, and he will likely find this to be much more attractive.

Personally...I'm just wondering why he even felt it necessary to tell you about this event? I mean I don't tell someone I'm with about my past girlfriends or sexual encounters or any of that shit...and I don't want to hear about hers, the past is the past...this guy sounds like a f**king idiot...and I forget who replied first but there right, if he wanted to be with someone else, who wouldn't be with you, don't worry about it, I would tell his dumb ass not to bring up any more "events" such as this in the future, he seems to be telling you these things in a cocky kind of way...like the way he would tell on of his buddies, and that's not acceptable...it only causes jealousy and problems, some things are just better left unsaid and in the past.

Oh, yeah, that's really smart advice. Encourage people to never tell their partner anything about their past relationships. That's just asking for a partner to get suspicious in the case something "strange" in the future happens. He/she will think that you're hiding something from him/her. People learn from their past, and maybe talking about it will help them "grow."

I personally think that it's beneficial for a boy or a girl to communicate these things with their current partner because what is a good relationship if you can't be open about these things? It is her responsibility to trust her partner and not get overly paranoid about these things. Trust and communication are the number two most important things to a good relationship.

I'm not saying you should pour your little soul out about all of your past girl/boyfriends, but things like this? "I did go to a strip club once for a friend's party. . ." She should be made aware of this because at least she's not deluded into thinking he's the perfect, nice guy who never goes to strip clubs or have sex or anything.

Actually, I do agree with you, RyanWasHere - if a guy has had past relationships or the like then it's not really suitable to bang on about it to your girlfriend.

There are some real, proper gentlemen out there that would never make you feel, or give you call to feel, insecure or worried about anything.

I'd say if he brings it up again, throw the book at him. Followed by the library - brick by brick

Thanks guys. I feel a lot better now, some of that was really good advice. I really shouldn't worry about something I can't change.

To clarify, I guess what I'm mainly worried about though is being compared to her physically. For example.. I would never give him a lap dance now because I feel like he'd be comparing me with that and of course I could never match up to a professional.

On the other hand yeah I know there's obviously no danger of him running off with a bunch of strippers.. that's not really what I was worried about! hahah (it does seem pretty ridiculous)

Oh, Jesus. I went to a strip club a few months ago. Funniest f**king thing in the world. Stripper tits smell like talcum powder and hysterical belly laughter does not phase these girls. One of the funniest nights I think I've ever had. If your boyfriend takes that shit seriously - think of dumping his lame machismo ass. Ahhh ha, strip clubs! Ahhh ha.

What IS talcum powder? I'm too lazy to wiki it.

I'm with Sarah (S-Majere). Word for word, I think she's right. Especially about the book throwing thing.

seriously. if it was before you guys started going out, no matter how insecure or jealous you may feel about it, you can't do anything about it. it's the past, get over it.

did he bring up this topic to get you jealous?

Dear lord, people. He wasn't bringing it up to make her jealous or anything, and I'm sure their conversation led into it...they were just talking, and it came up. Normal conversation. I'm sure he didn't say, "You know, one time I went to this really cool strip club and there were all these girl all up on me and they were soooo much hotter than you." Seriously. Stop blaming the guy, who cares. Someone else said that he doesn't see them as girls, he sees them as objects, and he's right. If he rubs up on a stripper, that doesn't mean he likes her, that means he has a boner and there's a naked girl in front of him. I don't think too many guys seriously want to have a relationship with a stripper. It's completely different. Being beautiful is better than being hot.

and he's with you, you guys have a connection its why he want you, you have personality he like! be very happy!!