i have a problem with my family. i think the cause might be my attitude, but i'm really starting to think it's both that and my mom's boyfriend.

they have been dating for about 4-5 years. they have lived together for only about a year now. arrrgh. it's just that.. one minute he can be so nice and spoil me, but the next, he gets me so f**king pissed that i can't even f**king handle what comes out of my mouth.

yeah. he also physically abuses me sometimes. he's done it probably about three or four times in the past 4 years. still, they are painful memories because he said some hurtful things and gave me a lot of f**king bruises. i know it could have been worse, and thank goodness it wasn't.

what pisses me off even more is that my mother had no clue what was going on in any of these fights i had with him. he once threw me out of the house. she came in to get me in about fifteen minutes later. the first f**king thing she asks me was not "are you okay? what happened?" but instead "WHERE DID YOU LEARN HOW TO CURSE LIKE THAT, YOUNG LADY?!!"

jesus f**king christ, mother. jesus.
i sometimes think he has changed her.
[i know that we don't talk like a mother and daughter should conversate.. but she is more than clueless. her best friend knows more about me than SHE does.]

he also compares me to my own grandmother. he always says i'm exactly like her. this pisses me off so damn much because i hate my grandma (it's just not me in the family either; everyone who had lived with her feels the same way). i'm not like her in any way. i know it, even my mom says so. it's just him thinking that.

errm yeah. point is.. i have a problem. i don't know what to do and what's been causing me to be so pissed off. i think it's my mom's bf. i want to tell her to break up with him, but she seems to love him so much, i can't do that to her. she even once asked me if she could marry him. i have to draw the line there.

well.. i'm just so confused and don't know what to do. blehh. i also feel like i need a therapist because i always keep my feelings about him and my family bottled up.


sorry that was so long. =\