Ok, This is not spam to start out with..

Ok me and my boyfriend have been going out 10 months on August 6. (Holy shit 10 months..) Tonight we got to talking and we both brought up sex.. STAY WITH ME.. ok, me... I kinda wanna get married but..thats a sorta.. I DO NOT WANT KIDS.. Him, He dosent wanna get married and he dosen't want kids eather.. ANYWAY.. I start talking to him how I wanna wait to have sex till im married.. <-- Lie.. -_- I wanted to see what he would do. He got really frushtrated and got pissed and he said.. " YOU KNOW THAT I DONT WANNA GET MARRIED!" Right there and then he was about to dump me right on the spot. Then I told him that I wanted to see what he would do if I do so.. H was like.. " Did it help any? "

Right now I really dont know.. it kind of bothers me how he would dump me just like that.. I that to me would have felt liek a big waste of time. I really to love him and care about him alot.. He understands that I wont have sex right now with him because I am going in to the 10th grade..

I JUST AM SO CONFUSED

Advice..

Please help

I agree, I'm not saying that you make the descision right then and there that you want to marry the person, but you do need to look for things that you know you couldn't live with. You can't change people, and you can't expect people to change into the person you can be with in the long term. Therefore, when you are dating someoen that clearly says, "I NEVER WANT TO GET MARRIED...." Why should you continue dating that person... I'm not saying you consistantly talk about it and think about, but you both need to have the same goals when going into a relationship. If one of my partners goals was clearly to never get married... I would not want to date them... It makes me feel like, "Well, we are eventually going to break up anyways.. whats the piont? we don't even have the same goals..."

I don't think most fifteen-year-olds are thinking about marriage. It's highly unlikely that a fifteen-year-old is going to get married anytime soon. The point of dating isn't always to get married; sometimes it's to have fun, especially when you're not nearly old enough for the commitment that marriage requires. Dating during the teen years is not about marriage; the idea is to learn about yourself, and to learn how to deal with relationships.

Sex should be discussed, yes, but there's no need to trick the other person into giving an answer, or to talk about it in terms of marriage. Don't want to have sex? Then just say you're not ready. There's no need to give a justification for it, especially not in regards to waiting until marriage or not wanting kids. If the other person can't handle that, too bad.

I agree with you to a certian extent, but... you can learn about yourself in more ways than just dating... and I don't think about it in that much of a serious way. Ugh, just the word marriage is kind of scarey when you are in a relationship... It almost makes you sound crazy, but at the same time it is what dating is designed for... I mean, to see what you are looking for in a future partner. There isn't any piont in geting attached if you are just doing it for fun. This girl is attached to someone who doesn't want to get married... I just think that doesn't make any sense.. there is no future there... why get attatchd?

Righto. (Most of) teen dating's supposed to make you prepared for more serious relationships, which supposedly occur later on in your life. I don't see why you're making such a big deal out of it. Most teenagers aren't dating just so that it could eventually lead to marriage. Maybe you just haven't been in fun relationships. Like summer flings, for instance.

hmmmm... your right.... about that, maybe I havn't been in summer flings... I guess I have always been in more serious relationships... I wounldn't mind something that wasnt serious as long as they gave me a clear understanding of what they wanted... I mean, to me thats just hanging out, fooling around and having fun?

as of now tho I'm in a relationship :)

You people are thinking "Shes so young and shes saying she dosent wanna get married blah blah blah ?" Yeah, Well, I think about these things. I know right now that I wont be getting married because I am scared of it not going right. My parents are so messed up with there lives and they are so un happy. They don't even sleep in the same room anymore. My dad sleeps in the basement and she sleeps up stairs. I dont want to turn in to them. I know that my love life is not like theres but its just the thought that scares me. Like.. " Hey, That could be me.. Stuck yelling and bickering at my loved one. The one I dont even love anymore." People chance over years and love soon dies. I think it is because of the thought that you are stuck.

Why Date? You dont have to get married to have a loved one with you. Like some one said in the past in here you dont need a marrage licence to commit your self to some one. Love is its slef alone. I will probley move in with some one some day and be happy not married and with out kids.

But yet I am scared to die alone. But that is my problem that I have to deal with in the future and what not. Also, Its not like we are going to have sex at this time of our lifes WE ARE GOING TO WAIT.. I have been saying that in this fourm. It's just that when We get older and he is ready and I say.. WAIT.. I am waiting till I am married. I know what I did was wrong but it was my choose and I did what I did for my self. It's not that I don't trust him but he could have said somthing diffren't and in a few weeks he would dump me for some bull shit reason and it is really because of what has happend 3 weeks ago. NO. I did not what that to happend. Not saying that he would have dumped me. 3 weeks after. Don't think I was not thinking of what I was doing when I was doing what I was doing.

I am young but with a big mind that I use way to much. -_-

you guys changed my opinions of dating... hmmm....

new view:

It's like maybe you should just date to see what you want in a future partner. I mean, just to get a better understanding of what you want in a future partner and help each other out, but does that means that you shouldn't get serious?

I think you're making it more complicated than it needs to be. The thing about relationships is you can't plan them out. You can't really go into them with a goal per se. But you can't go into them with an apathetic mindset, either.

When I meet new people that I think I could be friends with, I don't think, "Hm, now, should I try to become friends with this person? What if we're not friends three years ago? What if this guy isn't a lifelong friend? What if things aren't perfect?" I just talk to them, and we become friends. Some of my friends have lasted a long time. Some are rather short-lived and last only a semester or so.

The point is, a romantic relationship isn't much more than a close friendship with a deeper commitment and a deeper connection. You can't go into one thinking, "Alright, this is going to be the person I'm going to marry, or there's no point to this whole thing." You just kick it off and see where it goes. You do your best to make it work out, just like you do your best to make sure you don't lose friends. If it works out, great; if not, then you both have to recognize that, and just move on.

The thing is, dating isn't always about marriage. You can learn a lot, and grow a lot, from personal relationships, including dating. I think it's, well, foolish to suggest that a teenager should be dating with the goal of marriage. A teenager should be dating because it's fun, it feels right, and it helps you grow as a person.

Shelby, your ideas would change as you guys grow up. And don't talk about sex, seriously. You're 15! Sex can emotionally pressure you. Wait till it's right and when you're a full grown adult. (around 18), at least until you're done with high school...

^Ditto.

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This is not to hurt you. This relationship is going to break in the future. I suggest u wait till u r much older because ur not gonna get married to this guy. That's 4 sure.

Yen, You know my points of view. You know that i'm not going to have sex yet. Just we got in the coversaion and it turned out to be what has happend. Every thing is fine now.. :-) This only made us stronger. Plus I have you to have sex with.



I know this is true but its not somthing that I think about every day. " O KNOW HES GOING TO DUMP ME SOON, SHIT " No. I try not to think about that. I try to think of what we have now. As I said before.. We only got in to the conversaion and it turned out the way we did. I also think it is a good thing to talk about. You know?

^Nice answer. and yes I'm sorry for... pretending to not know your POVs lol

I thought it was a nice answer also. Hahaha
Don't be sorry. <3

well I think you'll make the right choice. I don't think your confused at all anymore from what i can see.
I wish you two the best

Thank you. I think every thing will be fine. I'm going away for a week on saturday to go to the beach and that will be a brake. When I come back we will be better then better.

I will miss Cb as well as him when im gone but I have to get away from all the bull crap you know. Just get away. :-)

ah
I'm sure that will be nice

have tons of fun

I hope to have lost of fun I am taking a friend along!

LMAO. Oh my, oh my.

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By the way, have fun on your vaca! :D

I hope to. At first when I looked at it I thought it said vodca.. I was like.. wait.

haha

Ok, if he gets angry and dumps you because you don't want to have sex, he's an ass. Honestly.