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my boyfriend..., is a cheapie >_<
oOKittyKatOo
post May 3 2006, 07:53 PM
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my boyfriend and i have been going out for a lil more than 7 months.. and from the very beginning.. i felt that he was a a bit stingy with things and a cheapie.. at first.. it didnt really bother me.. i would give him a candy.. and he would take an extra two or three (from my other hand as well..) stupid stuff like that.. and when it came to paying.. i would insist 50/50 even though he ate 90% of the food and i ate 10% of the food (he eats so darn fast.. and im a slow eater -.- *sigh*) but now in the relationship.. i feel like im paying more than him by a LONNNNGGG shot.. and its really starting to bug me.. just yesterday.. my bf and my friends and I went to a restaurant after school.. he asked how much i had.. and i told him... then we ordered some stuff and he kept insisting on ordering more and more even though i already strongly hinted no.. in the end (to his disappointment) we didnt order more.. the bill came up to about 30 buckz.. and turns out he only had 5 buckz on him.. so i had to paid 20.. and my other friend paid 10.. (he gave me that 5 buckz later) the thing is.. he ate about 80% of the food.. so now i feel bad.. coz my friend paid so much.. and my bf paid so little when it was him that ate most of it.. today.. we went to a mall and i ordered a large BubbleTea (Large on his suggestion) using the last 5 buckz i had... .. after walking around the mall.. he shamelessly finishes about 90% of it.. offering me a sip once in a while..
i know it sounds shallow and stingy of me to say all this when im getting pissed at my bf for being a cheapie.. but small things build up i guess.. i ask my parents for money all the time now and they're getting pretty pissed at me.. my bf on the other hand doesnt ask his parents.. (he told me in a convo that his dad told him that he could ask for money anytime.. but he doesnt ask.. and his family IS richer than mine. so it's not like his family cant afford it or anything.. he just keeps using MY money) i get him stuff once in awhile if i skip a class to go to a coffee shop.. i get him an iced cappaccino or sth.. HE. has never done sth like that.. even when he's out.. my friend tell me im stupid for spending so much on him when he spends next to nothing on me... maybe they're right....

tradition has it that guys are suppose to pay for everything.. i decided that 50/50 would be best.. right now.. i feel that im paying for EVERYTHING. i feel like he's taking advantage of me .. i know i should talk about this with him since i feel so pissed at him for it.. but i also feel SOOo uncomforatable talking about money matters with him.. but this is really starting to piss me off a LOT.. any suggestions with how i can approach this topic in a subtle way..? and am i right to feel this way..? anyone else in this situation..?

i dont mean to be shallow and keep thinking about money and materialistic things.. but right now.. i have about a dollar left in my wallet.. and i only get 5 buckz allowence a week.. meaning imma be poor for a whileee....
 
LadyXTor
post May 3 2006, 07:55 PM
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Want fries with that?
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Pay for your own things
 
SarahxJoy
post May 3 2006, 08:04 PM
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What the fack.
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In this case, I think you have the right to be stingy about his not paying adequately for what seems like a lot of the things between you two.

I really think that if he asks you how much money you have, you should say less than what you really have, or tell him that you have none at all. That way, he can't take advantage of the money that he doesn't know is there with you.

As for a subtle way to let him know that his free-loading ways are bugging you, I don't know if you should even take care of it in a subtle way. I say confront him about it and try to help him get into the habit of bringing enough money or cutting back on what you usually end up paying for. Because what he's doing is truly rude and inconsiderate.
 
PrincessAda
post May 3 2006, 08:32 PM
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^^ Agreed with everyone..

Use your own money.pinch.gif
 
*Uronacid*
post May 3 2006, 09:12 PM
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dont just use your own money, tell him exactly how you feel.... its not fun being in a relationship when your consistantly giving and the other person isnt.... a relationship is 50/50 not just with finances, tell us about his family...
 
silver-rain
post May 3 2006, 09:50 PM
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hi. call me linda.
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I agree, next time he asks you how much money you have, just say none or a few dollars. Ask him how much money he has too, and make sure he has enough to pay for half of whatever you want to get or don't get it.
And yeah, it is kind of rude and does seem like he's using you for your money so you really should bring it up; just tell him how it annoys you when you have to spend most of your money on him and how you would appreciate it if he would also contribute another half. Tell him how it's hard for you to get money, and even though you like paying for him once in a while, you don't like to always be doing it.
 
*mipadi*
post May 4 2006, 09:47 AM
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Just yesterday, my friend Angela was telling me about her parents when they first began dating. They didn't have much money, so they went to eat at Taco Bell a lot. At first, her dad never bought a drink. He said it was because he wasn't thirsty, but then he would drink all of her mom's. Her mom finally realized it was because he was too cheap to pay for a drink. tongue.gif

It's nice that you're helping out your boyfriend, but at some point you have to draw the line. He shouldn't take advantage of your hospitality like that. I think it's a good thing to do, to loan friends money from time to time. When my friend Noah comes to hang out with me at college, I usually pay for his lunch. And sometimes I pay for movie tickets, and things like that. It's what friends do. But I know that Noah would do the same for me. He usually pays me back—not necessarily in cash, but by buying me a lunch or a drink, or something like that. We're probably even by now—if nothing else, I owe him money.

But we don't abuse that. I don't expect him to pay, and I return the favor. Next time, I'd tell your boyfriend that if he wants something, he has to pay for it himself, because you don't have enough money. He should understand.
 
Your pain is not...
post May 4 2006, 10:46 AM
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You know... I think he's pretty much taking advantage of you. If he really did think about/for you, then he would never do such a thing. You have every reason to be upset with him doing whatever he is doing right now.

A girl in my form, pretty nice, really rich, very popular, she was going out with someone, they broke up about a year afterwards. A few weeks ago, I found out - apparently that guy never liked her, and was just using her for her money. She also told me in a different time/conversation she was hurt a lot in that companionship.
This is just her case. I'm not saying this will happen to you, I don't know about you and your boyfriend.

I find it really cute that you buy drinks for him. Hmm I should do that, anyway.

If it's been going on for so long, then I think you should really consider and reassure yourself about his feelings for you. So talk to him about it, and make sure he knows it upsets you. If he denies it and doesn't even show a tiny bit that he feels sorry, then.. sorry but he just might not be the right guy for you...

Good luck, Dear.
 
waccoon
post May 4 2006, 10:55 AM
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QUOTE(Your pain is not love @ May 4 2006, 11:46 AM) *
You know... I think he's pretty much taking advantage of you. If he really did think about/for you, then he would never do such a thing. You have every reason to be upset with him doing whatever he is doing right now.

A girl in my form, pretty nice, really rich, very popular, she was going out with someone, they broke up about a year afterwards. A few weeks ago, I found out - apparently that guy never liked her, and was just using her for her money. She also told me in a different time/conversation she was hurt a lot in that companionship.
This is just her case. I'm not saying this will happen to you, I don't know about you and your boyfriend.

I find it really cute that you buy drinks for him. Hmm I should do that, anyway.

If it's been going on for so long, then I think you should really consider and reassure yourself about his feelings for you. So talk to him about it, and make sure he knows it upsets you. If he denies it and doesn't even show a tiny bit that he feels sorry, then.. sorry but he just might not be the right guy for you...

Good luck, Dear.


I don't think you can really say he doesn't really care about her - only the two of them know that. Maybe his parents are really strict with money, or he's just a natural freeloader, but the only people who can judge their relationship is themselves.
 
Your pain is not...
post May 4 2006, 11:06 AM
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Sorry, I guess I should've been more careful with my words. I'm aware of that people should be the only ones to judge their own relationships, but it's just what it makes me feel from her post. I'm not 100% confident about my ideas... =\
 
absinthe
post May 4 2006, 11:06 AM
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well, before you talk to him about, maybe you should clarify for the how you feel about him post free-loader realization and how you think he feels about you.

there's a really simple solution to all of this really. if he's being cheap out of choice, for him not be. i mean god damn, if he's got the money why should you have to foot for everything? and your friend too? thanks bullcrackers.

anywho,

don't ask your parents for so much money. just ask for enough for YOU. that way, when he wasn't to buy something in gymongous proportions so you can ... "SHARE" ... then you won't have enough on you. a bit of a sneaky thing to do, but hell, he's being pretty sneaky in making you pay for everything. if you don't have the money, he won't make you foot it.

OR! you can go guilt trip style.

"oh man ... my parents are getting kinda pissed at me now since i've been asking for so much money ... i really hope they don't start cutting down my allowance now otherwise i won't have enough to pay for THE BOTH OF US, ALL THE TIME *worried look*"

or maybe he's just gotten used to you paying for everything and being a god damned stickler.

give him the treatment he's been giving you. at least that makes some sense. him paying since he's a guy. give him a taste of his own medicine, and i'll think he'll be asking for his allowance soon.


pUAHAHAH. yes, i know. i'm evil.

.agiri
 
demolished
post May 6 2006, 06:16 PM
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If he still continue to take advantage of you after you tell him to be more supportive, break up with him. he's being ignorant, greedy, and selfish.
 
misoshiru
post May 7 2006, 08:30 AM
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Talk to him about it. And next time, insist on only paying for what you decide to get, not what both of you get.
 
waccoon
post May 7 2006, 08:55 AM
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QUOTE(Spiritual Winged Aura @ May 6 2006, 7:16 PM) *
If he still continue to take advantage of you after you tell him to be more supportive, break up with him. he's being ignorant, greedy, and selfish.

That's a really bad reason to end a relationship.
 
-sincerely
post May 7 2006, 09:32 AM
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Maybe suggest that you guys pay for your own things that you eat, that way you'll feel like you're paying correctly for what you eat.
 

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