"Taking Time Apart" |
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"Taking Time Apart" |
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#1
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Newbie ![]() Group: Member Posts: 1 Joined: Apr 2006 Member No: 394,164 ![]() |
Hello,
Im new here and I have a couple thoughts on my mind that could use some insight. I'll try and type this the best I can as Im not that great of a writer. I suffer from depression. Its been an off and on thing for the last few months but recently became kind of "full blown" cause I let some issues stay unresolved with me for a long time. Now I've been going to counseling and stuff, doing my best to get support and learn how to get better. The thing is, it kind of scared/upset my gf who I have been going out with for a little over a half a year. Now she wants to "take time apart" while I resolve my issues and some issues thats shes been having in her life I guess that I really dont know of or are sketchy about. We both expressed interest in getting back together after we resolve those issues, but the whole "time apart" deal does not make any sense at all to me. I mean everyone has problems. Some you can deal with, and some will always stay with you. For example, my depression. Its a medical condition alot of people have and it will always be there lingering in the background, but only I can make things better for myself to get back to my normal day by day life. I know thats going to take a little time though. Do you think taking a break from each other (Although there was really no choice in it. We decided to stick together and support each other, then she broke it off a day or two later) was really beneficial at all? I really dont know whats going on in her life but do you think if we did happen to get together that it might cause problems for us in the future (unresolved issues of sorts)? Or does it kind of seem like an excuse/shield from something? I hope I wrote that clear enough. Any advice on this would be very greatful. Feel free to ask me questions also |
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#2
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![]() dakishimetainoni... ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 4,322 Joined: Dec 2004 Member No: 75,318 ![]() |
I think you both need to talk to each other. If you've been going out for a few months, you should know what's going on in her life. Tell her that it doesn't make sense to you and that you want to deal with the problems together. I think it's best that way. If you want a future, you can't just pull away from each other when life gets tough. Life will always be tough and it's always nice to have someone there for you at the end of a rough day.
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#3
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![]() Senior Member ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Group: Posts: 8,274 Joined: Mar 2004 Member No: 8,001 ![]() |
What are things you made her unhappy that causes this problem?
what clues about your gf can you give us? I really dont know what's wrong but i think you were probably the one that causes her to "take time apart". Being depresses for a long time in front of your girlfriend wasnt a good thing for her to see. what your girlfriend probably really want is you to be happy, enjoy life, and have a normal/good serious relationship with each other. but i think you failed to be her wonderful boyfriend. the one that suppose to make her happy too. and she failed to keep your mind off from depression. what else can she do about it? she is probably not happy due to the fact that you were being different than before. she probably missed who you are before so ... she doesnt want to deal with the long-lasting problems with you anymore. can you put back the old puzzle and make her happy? try your best to cherish your time with your heart with her. you can be better than yourself. you can keep it up. make yourself worth it by striving for the best. if something that you desperately want, go for it, make it better, and make it "grow" stronger. |
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#4
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![]() durian ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 13,124 Joined: Feb 2004 Member No: 3,860 ![]() |
Hm... You're right about the fact that everyone has problems they have to deal with.
With that being said, keep in mind that taking time apart can either strengthen a relationship or cause it to crumble. Most of the time, it's the latter. A relationship usually only strengthens from separation because it makes both partners miss each other more and more, then they realilze their mistakes and start to change, for the better, in order to repair their damaged relationship. It can be beneficial Whereas, whatever relationship you have left will crumble, since separation can easily cause a person to want to split and try new things. I mean think about it, taking time apart will make her more vulnerable towards other guys, since she won't have you around. Right? Definitely not beneficial. I would have to say that the "time apart" ordeal IS beneficial only because it really IS a test of love and support. Can you really support yourself and be able to get over your depression? Yes I know it's a medical condition, but who knows, soon things might change. Then you'll be able to support yourself and be happy with yourself and life, enotionally and mentally. Maybe all the issues will get resolved, where neither of you two will let any complcations in your lives get in the way of love. If you get back together again, things should be different. ONLY get back together if you two are both mutually ready for it. You both need to ask yourselves whether or not you two will be able to help each other deal with those problems in your lives, and be able to support each other. It must've been hard on her to break it off, so it should be better the next time around. A little random, but.. have you ever heard of the saying, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me" or something like that? Irrelevant, but I just wanted to say that. ![]() |
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#5
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![]() Bay Area YadadaDiiiig. ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Group: Official Member Posts: 4,249 Joined: Feb 2005 Member No: 103,202 ![]() |
I think you both need to talk to each other. If you've been going out for a few months, you should know what's going on in her life. Tell her that it doesn't make sense to you and that you want to deal with the problems together. I think it's best that way. If you want a future, you can't just pull away from each other when life gets tough. Life will always be tough and it's always nice to have someone there for you at the end of a rough day. Agreed. If you are lookin for a future with this girl, she can't ask you to just sort yourself out and then come back to her. Talk to her, and ask her to explain why since you don't understand. |
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#6
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![]() Hello There. ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Group: Member Posts: 1,572 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 88,673 ![]() |
she should be there for you. not be weirded out. (in my opinion.)
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*mipadi* |
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#7
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Guest ![]() |
When I think of "taking time apart", I think of a little machine with dozens and dozens of tiny metal cogs, and I picture a person sitting on the floor, cross-legged, disassembling said machine.
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#8
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Newbie ![]() Group: Member Posts: 1 Joined: May 2006 Member No: 407,273 ![]() |
Hey there, Legato (musician by any chance?)
I just had to register and reply because I am in almost exactly the same position as... your girlfriend. Maybe this will help. My boyfriend is grieving, having heard several months ago that his father is terminally ill. He may die next month or his deterioration might go on for years. He became more and more absent in our relationship and however much I tried to be there for him, quietly loving, he was emotionally shut down. This went on for some time. What made it harder was that we were in a long-distance relationship over 400 miles apart. I eventually initiated a long chat which went on for hours. It was starting to niggle me that I had made the mistake of silencing my needs so much that my boyfriend was starting to show signs of forgetting I had a life! Even if I had a crap day, I'd be upbeat and 'present' for my boyfriend because what he was going through was far worse than any of my hiccups! Have you thought that maybe your girlfriend had got to the point that she felt she'd failed to make you feel better? Many of us girlies love to give out love and care. But if we see that what we are doing doesn't seem to make any difference then we may tend to feel as though we've failed. Also your girlfriend may need to raise her self-esteem again. I felt utterly lost and desperate when I suggested to the man I love most in all the world that he should, perhaps, have some time-out to find his feet again and when he felt he really could be equally there for me too, then he should get in touch. We parted in the knowledge that we will be thinking about one another all the time. God only knows if he ever will get in touch. It's been almost two weeks now... Because my boyfriend was aware that the contact was more often than not coming from me, I needed to give him the space to come into his strength and come back to me in his own time. I didn't want him to love me just because I was doing all the hard work. The strongest way I could show him how much I love him was to let him go, although that may sound slightly confused! It is very likely that your lovely girlfriend has given you the same gift of space. You should use it wisely and get out there and enjoy yourself. I am doing a skydive for charity! Do something that reminds you that your heart is beating. Go well. lah-lah xx |
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#9
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![]() the name is ada. ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Group: Official Member Posts: 4,688 Joined: Dec 2005 Member No: 334,608 ![]() |
She should be there for you..
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#10
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![]() CB's Forum Troll ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Group: Member Posts: 926 Joined: Mar 2005 Member No: 115,142 ![]() |
tell ur sister if she doesnt quit im gonna hafta go jack bauer on her
and ill get a friend to go chuck norris on her * crap wrong thread * |
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