you walked away when i needed you most
followed them as they all turned on me
you said you'd be back, that it was all an act
but i caught you with someone else
and you never heard me cry that night
deep inside as i was throwing you out
you apologized but i wasnt listening
the sorries were becoming endless
you stood at my locked door and made it clear you wouldnt leave
it tore me up the guilt i felt, you're loyalty to me
but how could i love you anymore?
you were never there for me and i found myself alone
you were the only one i had but it wasnt true
and you never heard me choke that night
the gun went off and you began to cry
if i were still there to hear you scream
i'd change every motion of my mind
im sorry, im so sorry..

ack. it's not all that good :] i usually make these things up as typing them. no wonder eh

I thought that was very good.

thank you :]

I can see the story. I think it's pretty good.'

But I don't find beauty in it in any way (I feel so horrible saying that I'm sorry ) I say practice more, or read a variety of poems to at least get an idea of what it truly is.

I dont know. I think that her lack of... "formality" and structure is beautiful in itself.

^It's not the lack of formality. There are many poems I've read that don't use much words or big words and yet can entrance its readers. I didn't feel entranced, I don't know why

^ there are 3 styles of writing: Minimal, Fancy, and Oral, this her own style -- yet yeah, instead of saying you weren't entranced just say stuff like -- it could use some improvement, but yeah who am i to tell you not to say your opinion.