Ok so I'm 18 and have never had a boyfriend or even a first kiss. When I talk with my friends and before I go to sleep at night I feel like I want a boyfriend. Someone of the opposite sex to be my friend and spend personal time with. I've had 3 opportunities to have a boyfriend and turned them all away because I'm scared. All 3 of them want to be this close *crosses fingers* right away. I'm the kind of person who needs to take time before I get close to someone. It took me about 2 years of pre-friendship before me and my now best friend actually became best friends. I'm just that kind of person where it takes a long time to earn my trust and just as long for me to actually want to hang out with you.

Right now one of my friends is trying to set me up with a guy. We all went on a double date to the movies and he seems really nice and we have a little in common. But that very night after I went home he started text messaging me and days after that too. I felt like I was being suffocated. I NEED my personal space. He’s nice and all but he's got a lot of problems, he's living with his friend (parents kicked him out), and he smokes cigarettes. I've got my own problems I don't know if I'm mentally strong enough right now to help someone else. Although I'm sure he'd help me with my own.

I'm also very shy; I'd feel embarrassed telling my mom I have a boyfriend. It’s because I've never had one and even though she’s pushed me to try and have a relationship for some reason I'd still feel embarrassed. Plus right now I don’t feel like dedicating a lot of my time to someone else. I’ve got my own problems here at home that I need to sort out; I don’t know if adding someone else to the mix is a good idea.

So my question is should I take a chance and try to see him again or wait until I know I'm ready. Am I being to cautious or am I just being smart knowing that I'm not ready for a relationship?

I really need some help; this has been driving me crazy.

I think that you should wait till your ready because adding someone into your life may make matters worse..

But I know how you feel. I have the same problem.. Im not 18 im fifteen..

well - if you don't feel like you could handle being in a relationship then dont.
it's your own decision.
so when your feel like your ready, you step out there and go looking for whatever it is that you want.
People feel like they need a boyfriend, because you want some added closeness in your life.
You can still get that from your friends. Just not, individual intimacey.
You should wait.

i know it can get lonely sometimes, but having a boyfriend isn't all its pumped up to be. Its not like we'd die without them boys. we are INDEPEDENT WOMEN!

having a boyfriend means sacrificing some other things. time with friends, time with family. Its an emotional roalercoaster. first its like you're on a cloud. then after a while the excitment sort of fades. sometimes you like him more than he likes you, then you start to panick and worry 24/7 ( been there done that), other times you feel suffocated because you don't like him as much as he likes you. ( been there, done that). Christmas, birthday, valentine's day, anniversery. every time you ought to give him something.

it really affects your school work. and breakups are never pretty either.

of course im not saying having a boyfriend is a bad and negative thing. its just, often times single girls only see the benefits of having a boyfriend.

if you dont feel like being in a relationship, then don't. there really is no hurry. you're parents probably aren't in a hurry to have grandkids anyways =P

just be yourself and when the time is right and the right guy comes along, everything will just "click*

Wait until you are ready. Its good that you know youre not ready for dating. And if you know youre not ready, then dont start until you are.

All of that seems to make A LOT of sense. And I'll probably make the decision to wait but these feeling of uncertainty will still mess with my head. I guess it’s just some sort of pressure that I've forced on myself about being 18 and never having had any relationship experience. I sort of feel left out from all of the other girls I know. I'll just have to remind myself that if I'm not ready, I'm not ready and I shouldn't rush it...right?

you should take a chance but if you strongly feel that you don't like him, then stop seeing him
If you really want to have a boyfriend and that first kiss, take a chance with a lot of guys. You need confidence!

I think you know the answer to your own questions. If you feel that you're not ready, don't push yourself into anything. Being said, don't shut yourself away from the outside world, using the excuse that "you're not ready". Dating isn't the committment it used to be. It's a danger to you, but it also gives you a chance to play the field.

Take the chance when you think you're ready, but not until then.

yeah i agree with you, don't rush into things if you feel like you're not ready for it, sort your other problems out first before having a bf.
it doesn't matter if you're already 18, you'll probably get your fair share of boys in the near future. when the right time is here, everything will just fall into place.

take ur time. B urself. U'll find a nice guy.

I agree that you shouldn't rush into things that you don't feel ready for. But if you ever feel a strong enough connection with a guy, don't be scared to give it a try. It doesn't need to be really hardcore from the start. Talk to him about needing some time to warm up to him and needing your own space and if its meant to be, he'll wait till you're ready. I'm sixteen and same as you...i feel that pressure sometimes, but you know its better to not rush into things than to jump into relationships that you don't really want. I've seen a lot of girls around me do that just to say that they've at least had a bf/kiss etc. its totally not worth it.
Trust yourself! you know whats best for you.

You made a point that it took 2 years of "pre-friendship" to develop a relationship with your "best friend." Now, you're calling a guy you went on one double date with your "boyfriend."

I'd lay off labeling and categorizing people in such absolute pigenholes and learn to enjoy the company of people without such scattered expectations. You'll know when you are emotionally able to communicate openly and trust people.

Relationships don't work unless you're comfortable with them. Don't feel like you have to dive head-first into a relationship; it's perfectly fine to take things easy and slow at first. The key is to make sure the feelings are mutual. If they're not, don't feel pressured into something you don't want.

Wait.

i would say that you should wait it out..i mean you may think you want to be in a relationship, but it really seems to me that you're not exactly ready...hehehe that's just what i think. maybe its too soon for you...being in a relationship is over-rated...

I agree with what everyone have said so far (or at least from what I skimmed through on other people's responses): don't rush into things if you're not ready.

I know how you feel in some ways. But in my life..it's more like..I really really like my crush right now. Last year, ever since summer till December, four guys have asked me out and/or liked me. But I turned down the two during the summer since I didn't want to get the wrong idea or anything, since I don't want to be hurt or whatever in the end. Then during the school year, I turned down two guys (surprisingly they both are first year university students. one graudated from my school, the other from another) because of my crush. As well, partially due to the fact that I don't want to lead them on, too. So in other words, I think you should tell the guy that you just need some space and it takes you awhile to trust or whatever towards people. Rather than forcing yourself to go out with him. By telling him, you can also get to know him better. I'm pretty sure if you refuse or anything, he will still be friends with you if he truly is a nice guy. & if he says he will wait and give you time, while letting you two to get to know one another better, I think he will be worth it in the end.

I hope you get what I'm trying to say. I'm comfortable around my crush, but at the same time, I get nervous and really shy..even when talking about him with my friends and all. Sometimes I think I'm not ready, but I am. I have never had a boyfriend before, but there was one guy, but we never did anything and yea. Nothing happened and then I found out who he really was and I ended the "relationship" with him before we did anything. Sad, eh? O-well. I'm just focusing on my crush right now because to me, he's really special and unique.

If you feel like you're not ready, don't do it. You'll be cheating yourself of a good relationship because that will always be in the way- every time something comes up you'll wonder if you're strong enough to deal with it and/or the relationship. This causes bad feelings. Wait.

I say no matter what~always wait until you are ready! I mean why not? Who cares if you are 18! Just have fun! 18 is not that old and you have a long time before you need to start worring about whether you are single or not!

I would kill to be in your shoes, even though I'm not 18 yet.
I understand how you feel though. When I was younger I always wanted to have a boyfriend, but could never put my thumb down on why exactly.

But then with the unsuccessful relationships I ended up getting myself into on account of my indecisiveness to say no when needed, I found it to be a lot more heart ache rather than not having been in one at all.

It's whenever you feel you're ready. But I personally would still enjoy the single life while you still can. Take the time to know someone.

And don't be afraid to reject someone you meet the first day. To me, that just seems extremely rude of them to ask right away since they probably will not even know the first thing about you since they obviously didn't take the time.

http://www.espinthebottle.com

http://www.eharmony.com

SAFE! FAST! WORKS!©

Don't rush into it. Before, I've always wanted a boyfriend, you know, a guy that I could be intimate with. You could even say that I was desperate for one. Because I was. I'd think about having one day and night, and sigh in envy whenever I see couples holding hands walking down the hallway. Then, in Grade 11, when I was 16, the chance of being in a bf/gf relationship with a guy was opened to me. Of course, I was only too glad to refuse it. So I had a bf for a while...and while it was great, I felt that I wasn't ready. Come on! I was the type of girl who'd get tired of something really quickly. Then he dumped me, and even tho we've only been together for a month, it hurt. And sometimes, I wonder if it was better to have just said no to him and wait for the time when I AM ready for one. I sometimes regret giving him my first kiss.

So I'm just telling you that you should wait until you're ready to pursue a relationship with a guy. Meanwhile, why not get to know some more guys?

Ok so I decided to wait and right now I'm more than ecstatic that I did.

I was talking to my friend today who tried to set me up and it turns out he’s a total jerk. Right after our first double date, and after I went home she said he was saying "I think I love her" What a fruit to be saying something like that so fast. Also a few days after he was on the phone, one of those single chat lines, talking to other girls making plans and calling them "honey" and stuff. WTF? For starters you don’t go trying to date everyone you see in sight and secondly when your living with your friend and have no job you don't call those numbers...they are expensive!!!


He’s such an ass. I'm happy I called it off right away

Good for you. Someday you'll find a good guy who isn't a jerk like him. If you had rushed into this relationship, god knows what could've happened.

I think you should take your time, there's bound to be someone like you waiting also.

im only 15, not 18, but i get what you mean
i think its a good idea to wait until you find someone who will give you your space and can still trust you without you constantly telling him what youre up to.

another thing is maybe you should start trusting other people, like potential friends. (or boyfriends )