A single rose..., Goodbye |
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 Jul 16 2005, 09:22 PM
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#1
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 My name's Katt. Nice to meet you!  Group: Member Posts: 3,826 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 93,674  |
A Painful Wedding Gift
A single rose I held above, Against the ebony sky, I thought this really was true love, But this was for goodbye, I held it still, its petals clear, With the moon's so haunting glow, The hue, a crimson to match the tear, Inviting more to flow, I want to brush it all aside, And continue on my way, But now I'll never be the bride, I were to be today, The petals now blow in the breeze, The wind is oh so swift, An empty stem hovered over me, This was my wedding gift, Though this I hold I'll forever keep, The last of my last lover's charm, The thorns are digging oh so deep, And the pain trickles down my arm... |
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| *RockizLife* |
Jul 16 2005, 09:43 PM
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#2
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Awesome poem, Katt! Keep up the good work, I liked it alot!
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Jul 16 2005, 10:24 PM
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#3
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 i'm such a sucker sometimes. Group: Member Posts: 441 Joined: Jun 2005 Member No: 151,732 |
Mehehe I remember when you were like asking me for something that rhymed with "gift".
 Anyhoo, I love it! It rawks. ^_^
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| *stephinika* |
Jul 16 2005, 10:56 PM
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#4
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very nicely written...i like the idea too. keep it up.
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Jul 17 2005, 12:05 AM
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#5
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Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 512 Joined: Mar 2004 Member No: 9,682 |
aww, really cute&sad, and the flow is smooth . although ...
QUOTE The last of my last lover's charm, i personally think using 2 ''last''s in one line isnt a good idea, because it sounds too repetitive . |
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Jul 17 2005, 03:40 AM
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#6
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My name's Katt. Nice to meet you! Group: Member Posts: 3,826 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 93,674 |
QUOTE(lidoxangie @ Jul 16 2005, 11:05 PM) aww, really cute&sad, and the flow is smooth . although ... i personally think using 2 ''last''s in one line isnt a good idea, because it sounds too repetitive .  Yeah, I was wondering whether I should keep that or not. It depends on how you read it, but I'll try with and without it. Thanks for bringing that up. 
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Jul 17 2005, 05:50 PM
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#7
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 65 Joined: Jul 2005 Member No: 175,738 |
Very nice flow, the last verse was a very nice conclusion and you had the perfect choice of words to convey the message/feeling you were trying to get across.
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Jul 19 2005, 05:42 PM
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#8
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 499 Joined: Mar 2005 Member No: 109,961 |
I loved the vibe it gave to me!!..Mysterious & enchanting...
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Jul 21 2005, 11:21 AM
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#9
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 161 Joined: Jun 2005 Member No: 153,708 |
aw i like it. emotional
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Jul 21 2005, 04:29 PM
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#10
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 Residential Crazy Child Group: Member Posts: 934 Joined: Mar 2005 Member No: 116,897 |
You expressed yourself so amazingly. I fell in love with it by the 2nd line.
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Jul 21 2005, 05:58 PM
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#11
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 I'll never be who I was again.. Group: Member Posts: 2,886 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 77,981 |
I like it..Its very sad..and has a lot of emotions..
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