Ode to the Nice Guys

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

Fu-zu Jen
Written for the Wharton Undergraduate Journal

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Just thought we needed some appreciation.

You can change....not gonna be easy, but doesn't mean you cant change.

Nice Guys are Such Whiny Bitches

(By the way, I'm not saying I agree with this entire essay on the subject, but it is food for thought.)

That's true but if you really are mr. nice guy, why would you change? It's a tribute to you -.-

Why change? Well, if u think it "sucks", why would you still be it?

Bah this isn't the debate forum...
Because being the nice guy is what some people are. If they are the nice guy, they are really close with that girl and they aren't going to let them know and what such...

Yea, but if that's the case, why do they think it "sucks". Im not saying like to be a real jerk, but from what i've read, the "nice" guy sounds more like a girl's lap dog.

Bam! Exactly right!

Well when you like this girl but can't tell her but you always want to be there to protect her and make sure no pompas ass takes advantages of her is what nice guys do. It sucks because they might love her and want her so badly, but think they arent gonna work or be happy with him or whatever reason tehy might have so they just want to make sure she can be happy. =)

And that is exactly why "nice guys" stay just friends and nothing more--because they don't take charge and try to get what they want. Girls don't want someone to protect them from assholes--they can do that themselves. They want someone to pay attention to them, to listen to them, to talk to them, to spend time with them.

Taking charge is not synonymous with being an a-hole. Nice guys can take charge, too.

Well, you can still protect her even if u aren't the nice guy. When I said change, I just meant to not be so whipped and if the guy thinks it won't work out, they weren't meant to be in the beginning.

Honestly, I forget what we were arguing about. Its midnight and I have a headache. You win.

i wouldnt no about the whole nice guy thing but i dont date girls alot i like bein "friends with benefits" but it sounds like it sucks

Friends with benefits rocks my socks

Very well, good night, don't the debate bugs bite.

Holy crap yes...tommorrow when I'm recharged we shall fight again! Enguarde!

I hate being a "nice guy"

People like that are known as "tools"...

It sucks for us...
& it sucks to actually read all that. Lmao.

Whoa, hahaha. Do you actually think guys will do that? You know, looks/actions can be decieving.

i go through most of that... :(

maybe you should find a smarter girl to chase after then

I go for nice guys all the way

Maybe you should find a girl that doesn't have a boyfreind and be a nice guy (cause they rock) and one day just go up and kis her or something. I'm sure that'll get her attention Maybe the girls just don't feel comfertable insuing a relationship that's more than a freind because you've been such a brotherly figure to her...it could be that she doesn't know you WANT to have more than a freind relationship with her.

Wise words from a wise female.

There's only one difference between "nice guys" and "jackasses"--jackasses have self-confidence. They know they can get whatever they want, and that any girl should be thrilled to be with them--so that's what they do, they take what they want.

Nice guys are appealing to girls, except they think that the way to get girls is to talk to them, spend a lot of time with them, do nice things for them--but never make any sort of move. But that's not how it works. A nice guy can certainly get girls, but he has to make an attempt--he has to make a move. Instead of hanging out with a girl he likes every now and then, and listening to her bitch about guys, and carrying her books and such or whatever nice things he does, he just needs to put his foot down and say, "Hey, you're cool. I like you. How about a movie on Friday?"

aww that reminded me of mouth from one tree hill..

and i would soo love a nice guy, they are the best <33

loll I saw everyone post this on myspace, but its true. Bein a nice guy isn't all that bad...

I read the whole thing!!! It makes me feel so ashamed for some reason....

Girls are complicated.......just so all the guys know that.........