Story I wrote.

It's yet to be completed...and probably never will be.


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Understand that it is not that I hate her, and it is not so much murder as it is circumstance. You see, it cannot be murder if the victim is unknown to the killer. It is only murder if the killer takes their action out of spite. And I, my friend, feel no spite towards her. Infact, even on the day the plan hatched itself inside my weary brain I felt not even a small amount of spite...towards her. I simply felt the yearning for fulfillment.

I remember it well, the day that my exceedingly wonderous plan was formulated. I was simply laying in bed, exhausted by the toilsome day of school that I had embarked upon that day. I wanted nothing but rest. Ease. A simple moment of quiescence would have been enough.

Perhaps I would have had it, had my eyes not fallen upon the stain on my dresser cabinet. The dark, smoky gray stain, produced by billowing candle smoke, that plagued the smooth, white surface. I cringed. I had spent days trying to scrub the smoke stain off, and when that had failed, I had taken to scraping my fingernails against the wood until they bled, in a desperate attempt to dig the stain out. This had failed, leaving only thin, nail marks.

But it was the glimpse of that disgusting, repugnant stain that stirred the thoughts that had been floating around idly in my brain, into one single over-ruling thought. The girl had to die.

Again I state, it is not that I hate her, I could never hate someone I do not know. She has simply always been there, standing to one side of me at school. A stranger. An intruder. An outlander. We have never spoken a single hello to one another, much less anything else. She has just always been there, cluttering up the hallways, standing to close. Being to casual, with that overly friendly, obviously fake smile of hers. With those eyes that, more than likely, could shoot malicious arrows on will.

But I do not hate her, and what I intend to do is not out of spite, nor is it murder. It is merely circumstance. I feel certain that you agree, as I know that she would as well.


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Second segment added further down.

Ahh I love that.

I want to know what happens next! Gr! I lov emystery-murder stories. It's nicely written. I LOVE the sentence structure and the vocabulary. Awesome.

Thanks a lot, I'm really glad you like it, but I don't know if I'll be writing anymore to it.

I worked pretty hard on it.

You're not going to add anything? O_O That's insane! I can think of a million different ways (or maybe just 2) to write the rest of that story!! You must! It's too good to be left incompleted.

You know,
this sounds much like The Tell-Tale Heart by Edgar Allen Poe.

Hm, honestly, it sounds too much like it.
Was your inspiration of him?

I LOVED Tell-tale heart. I also agree with AFI-Signature girl up here [Name too hard to actually write correctly.] I actually did something like this for my english class, where we had to write about people doing huge or minor taboos, like Murder, Fratrocide, [even Beastiality eww] and we had to try to show the emotions and why they commited it. But I liked this story. It was great, you oughtta finish it. I can think up an ending for it. Now hurry and finish it. *whip sound*

=o.

I'm not a girl =x.
I'm also surprised that you know Davey's from A.F.I.

muaha

Are you kidding? I love A.F.I.. I just found out their name meant A Fire Inside.. and according to the sign next to your username, you are a girl, so sorry about that lol.

Indeed it was, I had it posted on my xanga and mentioned that it was my trying to do an Edgar Allen Poe. Sorry I didn't mention it here.

I always wanted to do something in the style of Edgar Allen Poe, but the thing is...I already have an end written out, and it's not really a Poeish thing. So, I didn't really want to ruin it.

That's why I'm not writing out the rest.

In a way, it's because maybe I don't want to ruin the vibe, or maybe I'm just afraid that it wouldn't make sense, because how I want it to end would leave a lot of gaps for the reader to fill in on their own.

A lot of the time people get mad at me when I do that <_<

... Wow.
That was REALLY good.
Excellent choice of words throughout the story.
WONDERFUL job. :D

I can relate to that. I love it. Probably the best thing I've read on CB for a while. It's so full of emotion. You shouldn't worry about being "Poe-ish". You should be writing the way that best expresses how you feel and if that isn't like Edgar Allen Poe, then so be it.

Here's a second segment.



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I know, very well, that my long since dead father would have rolled over in his grave had he learned of my current thoughts. He, who had spoken so cruelly of me up until his untimely death, would have been completely murdered with surprise to learn how slyly I went about my plans. You see, the first step is not only to realize the goal, but also to learn about the prey.

Speaking of the poor girl as my prey makes me seem so cold, but what do you expect? Calling her the victim seems to arrogant of me; and arrogance, my friend, is something I am entirely against. So, for now, she is simply my prey. Caught between life and death. Stuck to a web that, soon to come, she would make of her own free will.

I set about my plans very slowly. Taking in as much information as I could by simply watching. At times, the work grew so dull that I thought of simply abandoning the idea at once. Afterall, I had no true reason to kill her; no real idea as to go about the actual killing, but then, looking at the grime that stained my dresser cabinet, I was taken back in by the idea. Truth be told, she was like that stain, like that filth, always there...never fading, never disappearing, never leaving my thoughts. But this way, I could finally rid myself of her.

Finally, the day came when I took the initiative. I sat at my desk in third period English. Days ago, I would have mourned the fact that the girl, who sat next to me, had not yet been moved. Today, however, it played to my advantage. Today, the torture that I had endured would finally play right into my hand. I smirked to myself, and gazed at her.

She was not an exceptionally beautiful girl. Cute, perhaps, but nothing more. She was not easy on the eyes, nor amusing to look at. She would not grow up to be an actor, or a model. In fact, she would not grow up at all. Her dull brown hair, and lonely blue eyes would stay the same until she rotted, all alone, six feet under. When that day came, her existence would never bother me again.

I busied myself with writing down notes, and then, quite suddenly my pencil fell from my grasp, and rolled off the desk. It landed with a soft 'thunk' on the floor. I leaned down to pick it up, being careful to make sure it looked as if it were out of reach. I stayed in this position for several seconds. One...two...three...

"Here, let me help you with that."

I looked up at the speaker, and smiled my sweetest smile. She would never know that she was doomed from that very first smile. Yes, my father would have rolled over in his grave had he known how carefully I put my scheme into action.

^Oooh! That's CREEPY!

But excellent, though. It's very suspenseful.

Thank you very much ^^

I'll be posting the third segment next week, most likely.

Hmm, oh! And if anyone see's this, should I just start adding the new stuff to the original post? Or keep doing it in seperate replies?

Just want to know what's less confusing.

Hey :) ok first of all, i think you shoud put all the new stuff into the original post, it would make it less confusing i guess.

After reading the first paragraph the first thing that came into my mind was Edger Allen Poe. A few years ago i had to do a short story like this and try to reflect his work, and i thinkyou did a good job :) The details certainly do paint a picture in your head lol. It keeps you reading on and on..Tho throughout the entire story, my fav part was when you simply started to describe what the girl looked like and what you as the narrator thought about her looks. That part was interesting, and how you worded it was good. Remember you want ur first sentence to draw the reader in. "She was not an exceptionally beautiful girl" good first sentence. As far as i could see you are a very talented writer :) Great first sentences, and drawing the reader in. Wonderful job at descriptions and all. Just lovely :) I wish ppl on cb would write more short stories, lol i do love reading them.
ah yes, and IF you are doing edger allen poe, then remember to really make it sound as if this person is mad. which ur doing a good job already, but really make it noticable in the 3rd segment that ur writing :) hehe

Whoa haha.. this is getting interesting. Hmm I like the way you write. :]