nice guys, lose Options

[fameONE]

Despite my sarcasm and satirical humor on this blog, I'm a nice guy and its a well known fact to all those who come in contact with me. Very few have seen my temper and most are aware of my attempts at philanthropy. To put it simply; I care about others more than I care about myself and I selfishly devote myself to selflessness. I'm told all the time that I have every right to show some more pride in my achievements or that I should accept compliments with a bit more ease, but, this is just my nature. I've dated girls who've loved this about me and I've made them very happy. A few others have used this against me and manipulated me like the fool I am (when it coms to women). If you've ever been to a pro basketball game, the courtside suites are as luxurious as it gets. You don't even have to watch the game with leather furniture and a plasma screen tv linked to DirecTV with a constant (and free [sort of]) supply of food. Now that that's said, I invited an ex to the Spurs/Lakers game and I had courtside suites. We were there for 20 minutes and she decided that basketball, as well as my interests (jazz music, motorcycles, writing) bored her and she wanted me to show her a good time on our date. Jazz clubs were out of the question, motorcycle rides weren't an option and poetry night got put right out of my mind. I took her out to eat at the Cheesecake Factory and proceeded to take her home. Different girl, same MO. Guys like me, in my situation that is, stand idly by while the girls that we believe we should be with suffer through a shady relationship with the cheating a-hole that we secretly plot to take out. My question is; do girls like these assholes that degrade them, objectify them and live their lives behind a macho bravado just for their rep? From middle school to college, its been the same thing over and over again and the nice guy, no matter how good looking or ugly, strong or weak, finished last.

[xTINAA]

My question is; do girls like these assholes that degrade them, objectify them and live their lives behind a macho bravado just for their rep? From middle school to college, its been the same thing over and over again and the nice guy, no matter how good looking or ugly, strong or weak, finished last.

Well I wouldn't like an arse who degrades me or objectifies me. But I mean, there is just a certain appeal that a "bad boy" has that a "nice guy" doesn't. And vice versa. I don't think that nice guys always finish last. It's more of a package deal. And sure, maybe in highschool girls are into the bad boy rep or something, but I think that it will fade out with time and the girls that are into that will realize that they've been passing up all the nice guys right in front of them and dealt with jerks instead. I personally, like a mix.

[HongKongDong]

Dude, I can seriously relate with you. Yeah thats how it is with us nice guys man, theres never anything for us in the end for that type of relationship.

It really does seem that these girls like these big macho guys tat degrade them and all that, I just dont get that part.

[*salcha*]

rarf



mrowr

edit: ugh, sorry. i was posting somewhere else, wrong thread.
hold, let me rply to this.

edit:
okay, I agree with Chrissy, there are some things a nice guy that a bad boy doesn't, I don't know why either (I like nice guys )
I don't know, a lot of guys think it's "cooler". perhaps that want attention, to get another girl to notice them.

This post has been edited by wonders79: Apr 7 2005, 02:05 AM

[fameONE]

Well I wouldn't like an arse who degrades me or objectifies me. But I mean, there is just a certain appeal that a "bad boy" has that a "nice guy" doesn't. And vice versa. I don't think that nice guys always finish last. It's more of a package deal. And sure, maybe in highschool girls are into the bad boy rep or something, but I think that it will fade out with time and the girls that are into that will realize that they've been passing up all the nice guys right in front of them and dealt with jerks instead. I personally, like a mix.

My case is slightly different, because, although I am nice. I'll throw down if I have to. I'll get in someone's face if the time calls for it and I can hold my own. But I don't want my girl seeing me turn into a different person because of rage and anger. A lot of my friends will try to overcompensate and be bigger hardasses when there are girls around. I don't get it, honestly, because I've never met a girl who was thrilled when I told her that I've been boxing for 5 years.

PS- I like the pic in your sig. You're very pretty (and I've told you this how many times now?)

[xTINAA]

My case is slightly different, because, although I am nice. I'll throw down if I have to. I'll get in someone's face if the time calls for it and I can hold my own. But I don't want my girl seeing me turn into a different person because of rage and anger. A lot of my friends will try to overcompensate and be bigger hardasses when there are girls around. I don't get it, honestly, because I've never met a girl who was thrilled when I told her that I've been boxing for 5 years.

PS- I like the pic in your sig. You're very pretty (and I've told you this how many times now?)

It's just them trying to act macho. It's really quite stupid because most girls (or at least me) can see right through it. And you've never met a girl who was thrilled to hear you've been boxing for 5 years? That's because you didn't tell me that silly. Haha. That's a turn on to me =] And thank you for the compliment!

[Nicolatofu]

Take into consideration that high school girls tend to be quite shallow. Many like the jock-abercrombie type. Someone who is well known, and like Chrissy said, kinda a bad boy. And some girls will take the cheating degrating jerk if it means she'll be well known and seen with him. Don't worry, not every girl is brainwashed like that.. haha some actually like nice guys.

[illuminessence]

My question is; do girls like these assholes that degrade them, objectify them and live their lives behind a macho bravado just for their rep? From middle school to college, its been the same thing over and over again and the nice guy, no matter how good looking or ugly, strong or weak, finished last.

Good girls flirt with the bad guys, but always end up marrying the good guys.

My boyfriend had brought up the exact same thing. Girls always seem to go for the a-hole type and there's no real explanation why. You can only assume it's a boost up for reputation maybe? A lot of the popular guys seem to be the a-hole ones. Well, that's my assumption. Not all girls are shallow...just a lot of them.

[fameONE]

Good girls flirt with the bad guys, but always end up marrying the good guys. 

My boyfriend had brought up the exact same thing. Girls always seem to go for the a-hole type and there's no real explanation why. You can only assume it's a boost up for reputation maybe? A lot of the popular guys seem to be the a-hole ones. Well, that's my assumption. Not all girls are shallow...just a lot of them.

Thats always not the fairest assumption to make. For the most part, I'm well known within in my little social sphere. And throughout high school, being involved in various extracurriculars warrants some sort of popularity. So, I can, once again, defy the stereotype of "popular" guys being assholes. Still, the issue at hand is the question that has yet to be answered; what's the appeal with assholes? Conversely, the same question can be asked to all of us guys that have girlfriends that refer to themselves as "b-tches." But, one question at a time.

[illuminessence]

Thats always not the fairest assumption to make. For the most part, I'm well known within in my little social sphere. And throughout high school, being involved in various extracurriculars warrants some sort of popularity. So, I can, once again, defy the stereotype of "popular" guys being assholes. Still, the issue at hand is the question that has yet to be answered; what's the appeal with assholes? Conversely, the same question can be asked to all of us guys that have girlfriends that refer to themselves as "b-tches." But, one question at a time.

Well, I'm just basing my assumption on experience. That's how it SEEMS to be around here. Some girls just like the bad-ass type I guess. I'm with one of those guys that believes he'll always finish last.

MAYBE it may appear that the guy who's an a-hole can take control, protect the girl, and hold his ground ya know????

[racoons > you]

im nice. i dont have that much trouble.

and also, paragraphs

[*tweeak*]

im nice. i dont have that much trouble.

and also, paragraphs

you did.

[someflipguy]

I started slow and now I am okay. It takes time for the girls to realize that nice guys in the end are the best bet. But, I just hate when girls are like where are all the nice guys and all they did in there life was date bad boys. I just wanna laugh in their face and tell them your a effing loser you don't deserve a nice guy but I am not like that.

[eboarder2020]

Dude I totally feel where you are coming from... I too am a nice guy yet no matter how hard I try I always get shafted... I hear the girl talking about her lousy b/f yet she cant come to see that the guy in front of her is willing to give her everything she wants.... Anyways i read this and this might make you feel better

Ode to the Nice Guys

This rant was written for the Wharton Undergraduate Journal

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl's every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they're at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don't end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn't worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you'd ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn't have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing "serious" between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: "oh, but we're just friends!" And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you're nice like that.

The nice guys don't often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don't seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can't. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as "oh, he's too nice to date" or "he would be a good boyfriend but he's not for me" or "he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn't possibly ask him out!" or the most frustrating of all: "no, it would ruin our friendship." Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can't figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I'm going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn't last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you're sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

[fameONE]

Dude I totally feel where you are coming from... I too am a nice guy yet no matter how hard I try I always get shafted... I hear the girl talking about her lousy b/f yet she cant come to see that the guy in front of her is willing to give her everything she wants.... Anyways i read this and this might make you feel better

Thank. You. That made my day. I can now go to work in a better mood.

[*Azarel*]

It is the same with the nice girls, you have no idea. We just can't seem to find matches.

Also, the asshole thing. Assholes lead girls on before dropping them; when they do drop the chick, she feels the need to vy for his attention, to win him back. Bleh. I suck at explaining this shit.

[*Programmer*]

to the nice girls and nice guys....this is for you....."in the end you'll finish last".....unless you have the drive otherwise to be yourself...which in some cases isn't so nice....F*ck what other people think be yourself....

[WrathOfOnigo]

Highschool girls are just immature and want to be nothing but popular.
But I love nice guys! Nice guys have longer and better relationships. When the girls become women they will apprieciate your nice guy attitude.

[iheartsimba]

Some girls are like that. But really, there are a lot of nice girls out there..who don't use guys, who don't only care about their reputation and what they can get out of the relationship.

I think that in the end, once everyone begins settling down and looking for long term relationship and families...and those mean girl will be running to find some nice guys like you. But in the end, they are the ones who will get screwed.

[liloandstitchx3]

My question is; do girls like these assholes that degrade them, objectify them and live their lives behind a macho bravado just for their rep? From middle school to college, its been the same thing over and over again and the nice guy, no matter how good looking or ugly, strong or weak, finished last.

Well I wouldn't like an arse who degrades me or objectifies me. But I mean, there is just a certain appeal that a "bad boy" has that a "nice guy" doesn't. And vice versa. I don't think that nice guys always finish last. It's more of a package deal. And sure, maybe in highschool girls are into the bad boy rep or something, but I think that it will fade out with time and the girls that are into that will realize that they've been passing up all the nice guys right in front of them and dealt with jerks instead. I personally, like a mix.

Even though i am 14, turning 15, by now, i understand how i want someone to treat me. I don't think nice guys finish last either because i know quite a handful of nice guys and they're awesome. alot of girls buy into that "bad boy" appeal (like chrissy said) probably because they've seen alot of that and it appeals to them or they just like being in the "spotlight." I think that's pretty stupid because well for the obvious reasons. But there are girls out there who will like you for well .. YOU. not all girls go for the bad boy rep & not all girls think nice guys finish last. they might "use you" unintentionally, but i mean, we're humans. we don't know any better. even if you're in college, you're still growing, still trying to find a comfortable spot in this world.

Nice guys don't always finish last. i can tell you that much.

[fameONE]

to the nice girls and nice guys....this is for you....."in the end you'll finish last".....unless you have the drive otherwise to be yourself...which in some cases isn't so nice....F*ck what other people think be yourself....

Has it ever occured to you that, even in such a shady world, there are people that hold true to decency and morality? I'm a nice person. That is to say if you haven't crossed me, disrespected me (or my family), or etc. I appreciate the advice, but thats just it. I'm being myself and I refuse to resort to acting like an a-hole just to keep a girl interested.

[angelrevelation]

actually i prefer nice guys... but it's a little annoying if they're TOO nice. bad boys (most of the time) disgust and annoy me maybe that's just me

[aera]

im like you...kinda. only my best friend's ever seen me angry before and she's known me for six years. when i put a survey on my xanga, my friend wrote "One thing I forgot to tell you was that you should be mean." yeah... i like nice guys better.

[fameONE]

I took the liberty to use my dead time at Hollister as an experiment to test out my theory about girls and who/what they're attracted to.

Since I have to wait a few months to work at my favorite store, Express, I settled for Hollister. I need the money and the eye-candy is a good enough perk to keep me enjoying the job. Beautiful girls come and go and there's no end to it. With each girl that entered the store, I greeted them (professionally) and as they shopped, I went along with my job description by providing customer service.

Out of sheer boredom, and a quest for a challenge, I began to playfully flirt with these girls. Out of the 5 girls I flirted with (beign myself), 2 acknowledged my manner as being sweet and I was called a gentleman. I believe in modern day chilvarly and courtship so that was great compliment. 2 more of the girls were completely unaffected and blew me off by giving me short and concise answers when I tried to spark conversation. The last girl had the appearance of a 'bad girl' and seemed to find me appealing, but didn't quite show the enthusiasm as the first 2. Hmmm....

Somehow, I experimented and still was able to be productive at my job because, after all, thats why I was there. Now, I sank into my machismo and began to act like a hardass. I walked around from table to table, folding clothes, with my chest high and making my pecs bounce everytime I made eye contact with a nice girl. When my co-workers would speak to me casually, I would be overly-confident and loud (obviously trying to impress someone). This, I found, made me feel like a total jackass.

Here we go again with the welcoming salutations into the store. The first 3 girls I flirted with while using this bravado were so into me, it made me sick. These girls were no less prettier than the first 5, but their shallowness was just ever so evident when I spat my game. Again, I felt like a jackass.

Ah, but my how things change. The 4th girl I flirted with while acting like total jackass didn't by the act and wanted no part of any conversation I had to argue (Good job). And, even better, the 5th, said to me, "You're a handsome fella, wahts with the act? [What do you mean] I know you're nicer then you let off." Man, I was so relieved and if I hadn't been doing a voluntary experiment on my own accord, this would be when I go home and take a "long hard look in the mirror and decide if I want to be the person staring back at me," but, thats not the case.

Never, not even for a second, was I truly discontent with being a nice guy. Its who I am. There's nothing wrong with being inherently mild mannered and friendly. That doesn't mean I can't break a jaw with one punch or that I can't bench well over 200lbs, it just means that I'm a nice person. And with that, I'm more than happy with it. So, let those girls make their idiotic decision to get demoralized by some jackass. Us nice guys will still be nice, and still be here. Hopefully, my satisfaction with being the guy who's always "just a friend" will help someone else out. After all, we're still so young.

[*wind&fire*]

that experiment is showing that if you act nice and such youre seen as weak by the oppositesex and thus nonappealing as they want someone dominant hence the feedbck when you where acting macho