whispers in a subway |
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 Nov 5 2004, 01:29 AM
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#1
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 aiko Nakamura at your service  Group: Member Posts: 1,518 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 18,144  |
Didn't post in a long time so i decided to post. hahaa i finally had something to write about
I promise, these legs are broken, i won't walk away. Yours words are fake, so seal the lips tightly closed. now i close my eyes, hoping you won't see my lament tightly hold the bloody heart, minimizing the increasing beat &slowly lay on the stone cold floor, bringing my legs near. You learned so much, from that peek i let out. Now i see your eyes weeped, that day ago. feeling sorry i look into you, only to see the mockery. &now the voices we heard become whispers in a subway. |
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| *Weird addiction* |
Nov 5 2004, 11:19 AM
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#2
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Guest |
ooh its soooo good,ur realli good!!*recites*"Your words are fake,
so seal the lips tightly closed". |
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Nov 5 2004, 03:39 PM
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#3
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aiko Nakamura at your service Group: Member Posts: 1,518 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 18,144 |
haha thank you.
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Nov 5 2004, 11:30 PM
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#4
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 .Im.not.your.star. Group: Member Posts: 108 Joined: Nov 2004 Member No: 59,675 |
Very Pretty.
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Nov 6 2004, 03:20 AM
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#5
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 Will write poetry for sex! Group: Member Posts: 1,110 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 600 |
It's one of those poems that are hard to decipher what exactly is going on.
I reread it twice. Nice ending. |
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Nov 7 2004, 12:45 AM
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#6
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 lick me Group: Member Posts: 3,044 Joined: Aug 2004 Member No: 44,013 |
yeah, love the ending. <3
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Nov 7 2004, 02:00 AM
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#7
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 fell in love with a boy Group: Member Posts: 523 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 16,965 |
Despite what you said, I think you did a pretty good job.
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Nov 7 2004, 10:02 PM
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#8
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aiko Nakamura at your service Group: Member Posts: 1,518 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 18,144 |
thanks a bunch but what happnd to insults
 . hahaa. not huge insults but modifications for the poem. 
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Nov 7 2004, 11:55 PM
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#9
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Eternal Syn Group: Member Posts: 398 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 24,000 |
Wow...so mysterious...I still don't get the meaning behind it so...I'll be editing this post a lil later.
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Nov 8 2004, 12:15 AM
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#10
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aiko Nakamura at your service Group: Member Posts: 1,518 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 18,144 |
QUOTE(Cloud_X @ Nov 7 2004, 9:55 PM) Wow...so mysterious...I still don't get the meaning behind it so...I'll be editing this post a lil later. haa. well at first im quoting what this guy said. he'll never leave &wont be like all the other people in my life and just walk away. so then im all. everything he says is a lie &that i close my eyes so he wont see that truly im actually sad and crying. then my heart begins to ache so i start to clench on it and lay down. &then i let out a blink that shows all my emotions so its saying that he saw my pain. then he faked these tears he let out to mock me &then we both slowly fade from each others memories. |
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Nov 8 2004, 12:18 AM
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#11
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Eternal Syn Group: Member Posts: 398 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 24,000 |
Oh ok. That makes it easier. I must've reread it more then 3 times.
 Anyway, now that I do understand it. Very good. I wouldn't change anything at all.
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Nov 8 2004, 12:19 AM
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#12
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aiko Nakamura at your service Group: Member Posts: 1,518 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 18,144 |
haha thanks. what hapnd to all your poems? you haven tbeen writing any new ones lately.
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Nov 8 2004, 12:21 AM
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#13
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Eternal Syn Group: Member Posts: 398 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 24,000 |
Oh yeah I'm writing one right now. I'm gonna post it up in a few minutes. I just have to write the last line as soon as I think of it.
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Nov 8 2004, 12:25 AM
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#14
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aiko Nakamura at your service Group: Member Posts: 1,518 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 18,144 |
haha awesome. ill be sure to check it out.
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Nov 8 2004, 12:55 AM
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#15
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 Can't have the hand without the cock. Group: Member Posts: 2,481 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 50,622 |
QUOTE(MasteRxKiD @ Nov 6 2004, 3:20 AM) It's one of those poems that are hard to decipher what exactly is going on. I reread it twice. Nice ending. Yeah. I had to read it twice as well. Really nice poem 
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Nov 8 2004, 02:58 AM
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#16
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aiko Nakamura at your service Group: Member Posts: 1,518 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 18,144 |
thank you im glad you enjoyed it.
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Nov 13 2004, 03:27 AM
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#17
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 hello : ) Group: Official Member Posts: 4,227 Joined: Apr 2004 Member No: 13,139 |
QUOTE(dreamerOi @ Nov 7 2004, 10:15 PM) haa. well at first im quoting what this guy said. he'll never leave &wont be like all the other people in my life and just walk away. so then im all. everything he says is a lie &that i close my eyes so he wont see that truly im actually sad and crying. then my heart begins to ache so i start to clench on it and lay down. &then i let out a blink that shows all my emotions so its saying that he saw my pain. then he faked these tears he let out to mock me &then we both slowly fade from each others memories. after reading the meaning, it makes much more sense and it is really good. i had to reread it like 5 times lol because i was trying to find a meaning by myself. but yeah, good job! |
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Nov 16 2004, 09:41 PM
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#18
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 i've never wanted anything rationale. Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 8,449 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 19,045 |
i reallllly like it. its very.....personal feelings and so full of emotion!!!
only part that doesnt really....idk fit are the first three lines! i mean i like em, they are raw and good lines just it looks out of place if that makes sense anyways i really like it! good job =) |
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