wings Options

[Heathasm]

"Ashes"

In the acres of dead men I see with grimaces upon their face/I punch through walls of them/ until I plummet, and scrape the flesh of my brother’s skin, my fathers feathery blue eyes now entwined silkily with nostalgia/and the prospect I had suddenly becomes as a surprise/I feel this yearning to be abused once more/as these black wings are now penetrating the skin of my back-a spinal corset of feathers, filled with dandruff and diseased yellow specs.

One day I will reappear from these ashes and no longer yearn.

ok edittt//the slashes indicate each feeling/emotion i have, creating more ashes

this was a very quick write and i decided not to mess with it until i got some feedback from you guys :]

[TheSilenceInDict...]

Trying to use Caesura?

Dark and gory. Love the images. Makes me grind my teeth and let a sinister feeling wash over me.
(I think I'm grinding my teeth cause of the tough beef jerky I'm working on. )
Nonetheless, good quick write. Maybe you should go on with the setting you introduced in the beginnning of the piece. I kinda want to see more of it. Don't get me wrong, I like how you focus on yourself.

[Heathasm]

Trying to use Caesura?

Dark and gory. Love the images. Makes me grind my teeth and let a sinister feeling wash over me.
(I think I'm grinding my teeth cause of the tough beef jerky I'm working on. )
Nonetheless, good quick write. Maybe you should go on with the setting you introduced in the beginnning of the piece. I kinda want to see more of it. Don't get me wrong, I like how you focus on yourself.

ahaa...i had to looke that word up "Caesura"

lol, nice reaction, thanks for explaining it to me

I'll keep your sugestion in mind, because its a hard piece to edit, lol
thank you