Somber Dysphoria Options

[melface]

Here's another piece I wrote during my government lecture.. Umm, I don't like it, again... but I suppose it is okay... It's definitely not one of my best... well, at least I don't think so... but, ehh.. Yeah... I'm going to stop writing during classes where it's loud and I can't concentrate... Because each time I do... I'm not fully satisfied with what I have done.
--Nick gave me a title... // my mind was blank.



Somber Dysphoria

The clouds above her crowded her mind where they became intertwined with her thoughts; dark and damp. They were folding; breaking… overlapping what ran through a course in her head. They cascaded down upon them and flooded the room. The room where she dwelled… and thoughts were questioned. Clouds continued to pour their soft song, beating down on the river of confusion which paraded around her. Adding more and more… drop by drop...Becoming more of a pain from the misery that mocked her. Pieces of the beauty within the words remained… as parts of the fragments built up. And they continued to tear her apart, crashing down the wall in her beautiful mind. There was a bitter haunting of the things she once repressed, things she buried in the inner depths of her mind… but the clouds have cleared; now… freeing her from her mind, freeing her from an accustomed pain and familiar regret.

[waccoon]

=D I LOVEIT.

[Saeglopur]

Amazing how.. if we write when we don't have to we get something.. nice.. but when we have to write.. it just isn't the same.

I like it! It's like a piece I would want to write someday.

[casssy]

Mel you are amazing

[waccoon]

BUMP?

[rainnydaiis]

Wow I've come back to writing section after a while and I see such a lovely piece. Good job Mel keep up the good work.

[TheSilenceInDict...]

I love the concept of bringing life to the mystery of our own mind.
Making it a more tangible, visual place in order to have a better grasp at what it is, a step closer to truly understanding how we work, how our thoughts are compiled, and how we organize these thoughts in conjunction with emotion.
I believe that this is one of the highest forms of self-expression when it comes to writing.
I, as with all of your writing, enjoyed it. Always a good read.
Keep up the good work, babe.

[NatiMarie]

Lovely piece of work.

The clouds above her crowded her mind where they became intertwined with her thoughts; dark and damp.

Maybe a comma between the first 'her' and 'crowded' because it seems like you want to say something else, which changes the whole meaning of the sentence. I like how you brought about the clouds intertwining with her mind, making her mind they way it was...

Adding more and more… drop by drop...Becoming more of a pain from the misery that mocked her.

I like how you've added how the clouds are penetrating into her mind, persay...but, drop by drop? Hmm...maybe you could use something else to give the same meaning. When I think drop by drop, I think more-so rain.

Pieces of the beauty within the words remained… as parts of the fragments built up. And they continued to tear her apart, crashing down the wall in her beautiful mind.

^ That gave a lovely image. Very clear, very concise. It's weird though, how her pieces of beauty, accumulated and then tore up her beautiful mind. That kind of left me awry. But, it's well-written. I like the description and feel to those two sentences.

Hmm...this is very beautiful. You have much talent Mel. :] I liked reading it.