Stand in the rain Options

[TheSilenceInDict...]

I was going to post this as a Createblog Diary entry, but it snowballed into what's before you, so I guess I'll post it up here instead. It's raining here in LA (we've recently invited a storm) and with depression slowing my pace to the front gate of my house only 15 minutes ago , I stood in the rain, and enjoyed what would soon become the inspiration for this.
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Stand in the Rain

I will stand in the rain

Face up,
Eyes closed,
Welcoming arms,
Solemn smile on my face,
Hoping it will wash all of it away.

Numb from pain, only the slow falling droplets and trickling down my face remind me that I am here.
Unknowing to whether or not the streams rolling down my cheeks are tears from the sky or from the heart, I flood myself.
Wet earth and asphalt fill the air as remorse and bewilderment fill my vulnerable body.

I will stand in the rain,
Victim to a thousand bullets from the merciless clouds,
Hero to a battle meant to be lost.

[dreamerOi]

i love this poem. i was doing something like that the other day. i think i might have got a tiny cold. hah. but who cares i love the rain. maybe it might be a reason from your poem. that it washes everything away.

[TheSilenceInDict...]

Yeah, I love it. I absolutely adore the rain.
I'm actually sick right now, but I didn't care a while ago. It's well worth it.
I don't really think I can fully express how it feels or why it is I love to stand under the rain. I think I can go on and on.

[Heathasm]

this really picks up after the first stanza

Unknowing to whether or not the streams rolling down my cheeks are tears from the sky or from the heart, I flood myself.

Victim to a thousand bullets from the merciless clouds,
Hero to a battle meant to be lost.

these are my most favorite lines

Wonderful piece, no critique, it was just wonderful to read and i enjoyed it very much

[dreamerOi]

same here with the whole rain thing. all i know is i look forward to it every year. hah. rain best thing that nature created. i think? haha.

[TheSilenceInDict...]

Wonderful piece, no critique, it was just wonderful to read and i enjoyed it very much

Thanks for the comments...
I'm glad you enjoyed it, I actually wrote that on the spot (Like I said I was going to make it a dumb CB diary thing but just copy/pasted in here instead and finished it).

Now go dance under the rain.

[Heathasm]

haha, wow, it just started raining too :x

[melface]

"And that'll be the day I will cry tears of happiness and the sky would take over and pour down in a sweet bliss all around me... throwing itself onto the street which surrounds us...
.... that'll be the day we will dance, love."

<33333

[melface]

cb is gay sometimes...

sorry, double post.

[TheSilenceInDict...]

haha, wow, it just started raining too :x

I knew it would.
That is exactly why I said what I said.
P.S. - I'm watching you.
---

"And that'll be the day I will cry tears of happiness and the sky would take over and pour down in a sweet bliss all around me... throwing itself onto the street which surrounds us...
.... that'll be the day we will dance, love."

<33333

Aww babe, I love you!
But...no comments for the poem? Fine.

[melface]

I knew it would.
That is exactly why I said what I said.
P.S. - I'm watching you.
---


Aww babe, I love you!
But...no comments for the poem? Fine.

You shouldn't be standing out in the rain, hon... You're already sick... but other than that, i like it!

[TheSilenceInDict...]

I can't help it, it's this unique feeling I can only get from doing it.
Ack, reading it over, I feel like one line didn't come out the way I planned it to. It sounds really weak and 'meh'...

Wet earth and asphalt fill the air as remorse and bewilderment fill my vulnerable body.

I should've worded it better.

[Heathasm]

I knew it would.
That is exactly why I said what I said.
P.S. - I'm watching you.
---

you're quite scary

Wet earth and asphalt fill the air as remorse and bewilderment fill my vulnerable body.

I should've worded it better.

i have this problem ALOT when i write. The repetition of words......*shudders*
Its one of the worst and easiest things to do, lol

my sugestion for this is that you just use a different word that means the same thing as "fill"...or similar, such as "engulf"...and some times descriptions can be over used...as "vulnerable body" on the end of this line sounds a bit odd..maybe you could take out "vulnerable", and i think it would sound alot better, too

[TheSilenceInDict...]

my sugestion for this is that you just use a different word that means the same thing as "fill"...or similar, such as "engulf"...and some times descriptions can be over used...as "vulnerable body" on the end of this line sounds a bit odd..maybe you could take out "vulnerable", and i think it would sound alot better, too

Yeah, the 'vulnerable body' was just thrown in there cause I got lazy.
Erg, why couldn't we all have stuck with:
One fish, Two Fish
Red fish, blue fish.

Thanks for the suggestions though, greatly appreciated. I have no disagreements.

you're quite scary 

You don't even know the half of it yet...Bwa-HAAHAHAHAHAHHA!

[waccoon]

Yeah, the 'vulnerable body' was just thrown in there cause I got lazy.
Erg, why couldn't we all have stuck with:
One fish, Two Fish
Red fish, blue fish.

Thanks for the suggestions though, greatly appreciated. I have no disagreements.

You don't even know the half of it yet...Bwa-HAAHAHAHAHAHHA!

Grimy pen0r.

?

[jambaJUICE]

this really picks up after the first stanza



these are my most favorite lines

Wonderful piece, no critique, it was just wonderful to read and i enjoyed it very much

Yeah.. :]

I want it to start raining again...