melissa Options

[expoised]

this is the introductory poem i had to write for english a few months ago. i reeally like this poem. (red is to help you understand it better. just a general understanding of what i'm talking about. (edit) KK fine i took out the red=])

-----
Painting my Picture
-Melissa

Let me paint you a picture
Lets call it my life
We’ll start black dirt
For the anger and strife
Fights with myself
My family, my home
Fights in my head
Whenever I’m alone
For the anger I felt
When I was torn away
From the people I loved
When I was thrown astray

Next, we’ll paint green
For the grass that has grown
That represents new life
That I wouldn’t have known
If I’ve never been torn
From the place of my birth
From the home in my heart
And to me, my whole earth
It started a seedling
Then out came a stem
Grew leaves of green
As I found myself within

On top of the stems
Come many great flowers
For the many great blessings
Upon which I’ve been showered
The pinks and the yellows
Both light-hearted colors
Stand for the people
Who’ve made my life fuller
These people have shaped me
From when I was raw wood
They’ve molded me beautiful
They’ve made me feel good

On comes the cool blue
The refreshing water
Which all the flowers
Need to grow taller
The blue is like music
My greatest love
One of the gifts
Given to me from above
The water, my fingers
It flows endlessly
Like my hands on the piano
They’re beautiful to me

So white are the clouds
In my beautiful picture
They stand for my God
And this great architecture
What other great artist
Could build a life like mine?
No other than my Lord
And I love this life just fine
He’s my Savior and Father
The greatest of Kings
He’s the author of my life book
And all the amazing things

From the clouds come the rain
That’s silver, not gray
Because the rain likes to dance
And to move around and spray
It’s so much like me
And my liveliness
It sprints and it twirls
And it feels loveliness
Some call it hyper
Some call it life
I move around quickly
I like to think light

My painting is finished
But we can’t let it dry
For my life is not over
We’ll just set this aside
For the moments to come
And the life I’ll live by
For the good times to wait for
And new goals and new tries
For now, we’ll just leave it
Just where it is
The art is not over it
But now, this poem is.

[TheSilenceInDict...]

Wow, all that is just...great...
I don't think you need to explain your writing though...

[TangoMango]

that was really good! i loved how you used life and art to describe everything

[melface]

Yeah, Melissa.. we're not COMPLETELY stupid =]

and plus, if you didn't explain it will give a little thought in it you know?

but overall it's nice... and creative, i've never read anyone write about their life in a poem.

[TheSilenceInDict...]

BTW, great imagery (of course, that's what your poem focuses on), smilies and representation.

I'm sure you spent a good deal of time on this.

[JasonAkAWolf]

thats really good.

[expoised]

BTW, great imagery (of course, that's what your poem focuses on), smilies and representation.

I'm sure you spent a good deal of time on this.

well. it would have taken a much longer time if i were brain-dead and had a block. but the thing that i love about this poem was that it just all kind of flowed out of my mind at once so it took only about fifteen minutes to write after about an hour of thinking and trying to get inspiration. Then after that, another half an hour of revision.

i've been writing poems for a little while and people say i have a nice play on words. heh.

[TheSilenceInDict...]

You should keep your work.
I've been writing for quite some time now, and it's always fun and a bit embarrassing to read your old work.
But you really see how you progress and devlop both as a person and a writer.

[expoised]

you're right, it is embarrassing.

sometimes i see progress, then sometimes i wish i still could write like the way i used to write. not in the technique but more in the thought process, if that made any sense.

i used to be such a romantic. i wish i could still be like that.

[Ekay]

Wow that's so good. Even tho there wasn't any rhyming (not needed anyway ) It has a lot of meaning to it. I likey

[rainnydaiis]

i didnt improve =P lucky me and i read this during my bio class lovely =P

[TheSilenceInDict...]

Actually, Sam, if you get all your work that you posted here (I actually already did that part for you) and order it from oldest to newest, I think you'll see a pretty significant change.
Your writing has gotten better, even if it seems subtle.

sometimes i see progress, then sometimes i wish i still could write like the way i used to write. not in the technique but more in the thought process, if that made any sense.

I know what you mean..sometimes enviromental or situational inspiration leaves us, but some of us can dig deep inside and get it out again. I hope you find yours. Or maybe it's just better off to write the way you write, and think the way you do now.

[dispn0ygonekrazy]

man expoised i enjoy every piece of writing you post here very good job when i started here i couldnt write something like that and im just WOW! ay joe looks like our writing family is getting bigger dont you think?

[rainnydaiis]

thanks for the encouragment =P
and melissa i really love it =P

[expoised]

Wow that's so good. Even tho there wasn't any rhyming (not needed anyway  ) It has a lot of meaning to it. I likey 

Read it out loud. there's IS rhyming.

:shakes head:

can anyone else tell there's rhyming? its a pretty simple rhyme scheme.

A
B
C
B
D
E
F
E
G
H
I
H

(like an longated A B C B

[rainnydaiis]

yes i see rhyming =P life strife =P very good rhymes =P

[TheSilenceInDict...]

poised,Oct 14 2004, 6:14 PM] Read it out loud. there's IS rhyming.

:shakes head:

can anyone else tell there's rhyming? its a pretty simple rhyme scheme.

A
B
C
B
D
E
F
E
G
H
I
H

(like an longated A B C B

Err...Did you just give us a lesson in rhyming, the most basic of things?

[expoised]

not you, but to that dude who told me my poem didn't rhyme.

[rainnydaiis]

we know it did rhyme i think he just skipped through it thats why =P

[Ekay]

eh heh sry! I suppose I did skip thru it heh heh well it's still good tho

[dreamerOi]

i too like the whole art& life scheme. i love it. applauddd