The Cycle, first poem to be put in cb |
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 Oct 12 2004, 01:03 AM
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#1
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 aiko Nakamura at your service  Group: Member Posts: 1,518 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 18,144  |
lost all my old poems so i made a poem from past stuffs or whatever. oh yea sorry its pretty long.
Sitting in front of a computer, acting like a normal child falling in& out of love losing and gaining trust people misunderstanding, with confusion built up she picks it up; a chill pierces her body hesitation provokes her like a puzzle she wonders will this end it? the first cut; screams not with pain but with angst second cut; pain from a person she may never see the third, fourth, and fifth; says her goodbyes the sixth; feels like the end her body, face, flesh drowned out fear finally strikes her with muscles feeling torn a tear rolls down; legs lost strength, she hits the floor the sirens ring as she sees black opening her eyes feeling relieved sees white with a black figure approaching her the only person she could've lived for; realizing this wasn't her time believes in God and starts her cycle as the normal child again. |
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Oct 12 2004, 01:07 AM
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#2
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Eternal Syn Group: Member Posts: 398 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 24,000 |
Wow...that was interesting. I like it, but it's too gory for me
 Even tho I'm a guy I just can't stand the sight of blood. I can look at a little but when it's a big puddle or something I'm just gonna faint. But anyways poem seems pretty deep felt. 
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Oct 12 2004, 01:08 AM
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#3
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aiko Nakamura at your service Group: Member Posts: 1,518 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 18,144 |
haha i dont like blood much either haha just blahhh. haha but thanks
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Oct 12 2004, 01:40 AM
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#4
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 Maggot Rocker Group: Member Posts: 396 Joined: Jul 2004 Member No: 27,016 |
blood yum oh yeah since you forced me to look at this...its really good...you should post more.
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Oct 12 2004, 08:48 AM
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#5
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*Influential Guitarist & Inspiring Writer* Group: Official Member Posts: 1,217 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 51,134 |
nice job..GORE!!!! haha j/p yeah u should post more ur writings are really interesting i like it
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Oct 12 2004, 02:00 PM
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#6
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aiko Nakamura at your service Group: Member Posts: 1,518 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 18,144 |
haha you weridos wells i say ty& you betr enjoy the next one!
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Oct 12 2004, 02:03 PM
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#7
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 Will write poetry for sex! Group: Member Posts: 1,110 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 600 |
I really like the pace in the first half...I just wish that it didn't slow down in the second.
I guess it's my taste...I like poems that escalate and just go nuts in the end. Anyway, great first post. Hope to see more of your work. -Joe |
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Oct 12 2004, 05:05 PM
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#8
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aiko Nakamura at your service Group: Member Posts: 1,518 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 18,144 |
hahaa sorry it didnt go nuts hahaa.
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Oct 12 2004, 05:56 PM
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#9
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Will write poetry for sex! Group: Member Posts: 1,110 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 600 |
Why're you apologizing?
I'm not saying I don't like it because it doesn't 'go nuts' at the end...I just really like that pace in the beginning of your poem. |
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Oct 13 2004, 04:29 AM
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#10
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 creepy heather Group: Official Member Posts: 4,208 Joined: Aug 2004 Member No: 41,580 |
man...this rocked...i could almost feel the pain of those cuts
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Oct 13 2004, 10:23 AM
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#11
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aiko Nakamura at your service Group: Member Posts: 1,518 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 18,144 |
haha thanks glad you could almost feel it haa
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Oct 14 2004, 12:33 PM
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#12
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Maggot Rocker Group: Member Posts: 396 Joined: Jul 2004 Member No: 27,016 |
QUOTE(dreamerOi @ Oct 12 2004, 2:00 PM) haha you weridos wells i say ty& you betr enjoy the next one! haha....next time don't force me to look at it. |
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Oct 16 2004, 12:36 AM
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#13
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aiko Nakamura at your service Group: Member Posts: 1,518 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 18,144 |
hahaha i wont
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