no one else |
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 Oct 8 2004, 06:37 PM
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#1
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*Influential Guitarist & Inspiring Writer*  Group: Official Member Posts: 1,217 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 51,134  |
no one else can compare this world to you
you were my only friend, my only love but its all gone now since you moved away my heart feeling broken and torn apart i wont give up and fall on my knees im going to try my hardest and fulfill my dream to make you happy and put that smile on your face the look that started it all before you left without a trace its been so long now ive forgotten about you every moment that we had ive thrown away i gave up that day when you found someone new when he said those words i promised to say to you...... hmm i havent wrote a love poem in awhile hope yall likes |
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Oct 9 2004, 05:05 PM
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#2
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 35 Joined: Oct 2004 Member No: 53,690 |
aww tis good, i like a lot
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Oct 9 2004, 06:56 PM
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#3
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cb=bullshit. Group: Member Posts: 1,783 Joined: Feb 2004 Member No: 3,793 |
It's nice!... but somehow it doesn't FLOW... like the middle is rhyming...
but then the other two... which is beginning and end... are just blah, ya know what i'm saying? maybe if you also made them rhyme or not make the middle rhyme it would flow much better... I believe that the beginning and the end are two of the most important parts of a poem, a story... anything... So, yeah... I don't want to put you down, just offering some little advice. <33 |
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Oct 9 2004, 07:15 PM
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#4
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 don't worry, be happy~ Group: Member Posts: 1,538 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 15,899 |
aww!! that is a sweet and cute poem.
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Oct 9 2004, 11:57 PM
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#5
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 Will write poetry for sex! Group: Member Posts: 1,110 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 600 |
Yeah, I agree with what Mel says...
But, I really like the middle stanza... Nice rhythm and it's goes together pretty nicely. |
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Oct 11 2004, 05:54 PM
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#6
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*Influential Guitarist & Inspiring Writer* Group: Official Member Posts: 1,217 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 51,134 |
heheh thnx everyone yeah i know about the middle and thing got a little kinda onfused right there but thnx anyweayz
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