Bitterness is like cancer, ...it eats upon the host Options

[*superstitious*]

Sole depository of my fearful secret, I trembled before the meanest of my attendants, whom, at the same time, I envied; for he possessed a shadow, and could venture to go out in the daytime; while I shut myself up in my room day and night, and indulged in all the bitterness of grief.

-Adelbert von Chamisso

I remember when I was child, I used to be really happy, friendly and always wanted to be around others. I loved summertime, when school was out, the sun was shining and the hardest choice I had to make was what flavor Otter Pop to have.

Somehow, in high school I became reclusive. I didn't like football, cheerleading and was far too akward to be involved with either. My kindreds were the creative writing students, the drama students and yes, even some of the band students. They were considered akward, unusual and at that time (think late 80's, early 90's), those were not among the cool and interesting. I'm not sure how much that has changed in later years, but that's how it was then.

In spite of feeling out of place for many years, I still managed to be confident, because quite frankly, I thought I was great and that was all that truly mattered to me. I wasn't unhappy either, I was content and peaceful.

However, I'm bitter. I see a family walking down the street, I'm bitter. I see a man and a woman holding hands, I'm bitter. I hear my co-worker perpetually giggling, I feel bitter. Sometimes I want to tell these people to shut up or just stop smiling or something. Instead of being glad that the old lady on a walker is able to get on the bus, I'm bitter because she is holding me up, same goes for the wheelchair bound who take over 5 minutes to board.

I wonder what happened. I mean, I always thought I was a pretty nice individual but instead, when I think about things, I'm not so nice and definitely on the bitter side.

Anyone have experiences with bitterness?

[HakunaMatata]

Oh Lord, Otter Pop!

Oh, that feeling where it's like I-know-I-should-be-happy-for-them-but-I'm-not-so-give-me-a-freeging-break!
So long as your still nice to them, who gets hurt? Noooot saying that it's a good thing to be bitter, but I don't think it necessarily makes you a bad person.

[*mzkandi*]

I've heard people describe bitterness as deeply rooted anger that constantly eats at you. What that anger is caused by is the question.

Growing up in a family that struggled financially through most of my childhood and adolescence years, I use to be bitter of those more financially stable. Those people that drove the nice cars, wore the nice clothes, those that didn't know what it was like to come home to your lights or water being cut off.

Only when the financially struggles ended did I find that my bitterness waned.

[concreteangel]

Jeeze Louise I'm bitter all the time.

[transcendentalis...]

blah, I get this.
I remember freakish-clearly in middle school, there was this one girl who just seemed to have EVERYTHING I didn't have, and she was so nice too. She laughed all the time, and she had dozens and dozens of friends, and I guess I had tons of friends too, but it was always like... bleh, because she never had to actually do anything for herself. She always had things easy and she could be naive and fall for guys without having to worry about helping her parents out with financial stuff.

I guess my bitterness with her subsided a whole lot after she went through a bit of hell on her own when she and her boyfriend of a loong time split.

i dunno. Sometimes I feel like punching people in the face when they smile... hahah. Usually nowadays though I find things easier because when I don't focus on my own business so much and compare, it's easier for me to be happy for other people.


dunno where i was going with this.