I Wish |
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 Jan 23 2007, 02:30 AM
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#1
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Eternal Syn  Group: Member Posts: 398 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 24,000  |
I wish I knew why I fell for her
I wish my meeting were never to occur I wish…Oh how I wish I wish these feelings would vanish I wish I could get over this I wish it was not her that I miss I could wish over and over… But wishes never come true |
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Jan 25 2007, 05:11 PM
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#2
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 ¡La Reina del Mundo! Group: Member Posts: 205 Joined: May 2006 Member No: 415,882 |
The persona's despair is extremely touching. I like your use of repetition and the rhyming scheme. The last line also, to me, acted like a sharp clincher. It was like BAM! "Wishes never come true." and it's like, "So stop wishing."
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| *S0ul_Reaper* |
Jan 25 2007, 06:39 PM
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#3
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Guest |
the main thing I liked about it was the last part, the person above me however im quite the opposite. I feel as if it was al ittle plain I don't feel any actual emotion but if you probably would have sticked to
QUOTE I could wish over and over… and revised/rewrote I think you can capture a true point hereBut wishes never come true but none the less always good writing for you keep it up |
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Jan 25 2007, 07:09 PM
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#4
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Eternal Syn Group: Member Posts: 398 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 24,000 |
hmmm definitely food for thought. thank you both :]
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