My strength to Move on, Piece I've wrote recently Options

[dispn0ygonekrazy]

Sometimes I wish, i didn't have to live through this pain

lost in my words, so confused, things I cant explain

I ask myself why do I live, why I cry, why do I fear

while lost in my memories I've drowned myself over the years

sometimes it seems, I've lost my way, I don't know where to go

except hiding in the corner of my mind, only afraid to show

the truth behind this face, whose secrets lie within

my shattered hopes and dreams, that are dead deep within

But still I keep on going only to hope for another day

as I wait patiently for this sorrow to go away

even if I'm alone in this world I have the courage to go on

if I can believe in myself everything will vanish and be gone

I can open my eyes without looking through someone else's life

to be able to look on my own without having to strife

I would be able to smile, and cry these tears of joy

and finally die without regretting this life that I've enjoyed

[AngelinaTaylor]

Good idea, and excellent emotion put into it.

The only thing - I always tell people this - stop rhyming, and the freedom will find you easier. Err.. or you'll find the freedom.. Anyway. There was also repetition -

"the truth behind this face, whose secrets lie within

my shattered hopes and dreams, that are dead deep within"

"Within" is said twice.. try to use another word.

But good start :)

[*T0rmented_Soul*]

^ thnx I had trouble finding something that fits with *within* but maybe here something
"my shattered hopes and dreams, lost without a win"

I try no to rhyme, I've made some pieces where I didn't rhyme but it seemed to awkward for me. but I know what your trying to say instead of finding words that rhyme with each line your freedom choice of words are limited, so when theres no need to rhyme you can still make a good poem with words that'll have a stronger meaning to the poem.

[AngelinaTaylor]