bf broke up with me..., so confused.... Options

[lilnatcat]

my bf went overseas holiday for 1 month, and in that 1 month he never came online so we could'nt talk to each other... we had just passed valentines day, our 3 months and 100 days......

he came back last sunday, and broke up with me a few days ago on thursday.....

i asked him for a reason and he told me that "university's starting.... and i have to go to university monday to friday... i don't have any time" coz both of us are at different universities...... but we live really close to each other.....

i asked him if there was any way we could turn back and he just shook his head....
i was really shocked and didn't know what else to say or ask.... coz at that time i was trying my best to hold my tears back... i started sniffing a lot trying to hold those tears back.... he asked "r u ok? do u want me to walk u home?" he seemed to still really care about me....

On Friday, i went to his house to give back the sketchbook i borrowed off him, which i had drawn something in it and had a message in it.... the letter i wrote when he was overseas....... and the letter i wrote on the same friday morning


I asked him if he ever loved me, and he said that he did but the feeling's all gone.
I was really upset, I don't know if he's lying or not..... because would'nt he have told me that yesterday when i asked for the reason for the break up? It seemed so sudden when he said it to my face...... and his frd says that it doesn't seem like him to do such a thing like that

But what i'm so confused about it, when he told me that he had no feelings for me anymore the day AFTER we broke up was he lying? did something force him to make that choice? or was it for the sake of university that he decided to give up on me? he's a great guy, he's done so many sweet things, I always wanted to cry at the time he did each of those things but held it al back coz i didn't want to show him that i was actually fragile and sensitive on the inside. i always thought that i was a strong person on the inside and outside, but i guess......... on the inside its not strong at all........

I'm really upset..... eversince thursday, i've been crying a lot......... So many things remind me of him..........i can't help it but cry..... and i have to wait infront of the park he broke up with me for the bus to get to my university......for the next 4 yrs.............. the park is really close to both of our houses.....

I hope all of you can give me ur opinions and what u think................. i really appreciate it if u read all of this till the end and give me some advice.... because.... i consider him as my 1st bf eventhough he isn't.... what makes me say that is because he's the very very first guy i actually love.... and i do mean it... i've never felt so emotional and painful in my whole life before. I don't think I would ever know what love is if I never met him......

[lit0chinagirl]

he probably still cares for you in some sort of way because most people still have some sort of feelings for a person at the moment that they break up with them. sometimes they won't because of many reasons-- probably distance in your case, another person, or maybe they just didn't care as much as they should but i do think that your ex did care for you. it really depends on how you guys did spend your time together. if you think that there was something real there then there probably was. it's perfectly normal for you to doubt what you had because you saw something that was so perfect per say which quickly shattered into pieces.

over time you'll learn to cherish the memories that the two of you shared instead of dreading it. i was just like you about lemme think six months ago i think? i thought i was strong too but for some reason i was just so overtaken by what happened at the end. don't be afraid to talk to any of your friends and family about how you feel or maybe writing down some of your thoughts. you can also try investing your time in other activities like hanging out with your friends and having laughs or take up a new interest? it'll help the healing process

who knows maybe one day he'll come back into your life or maybe he won't but i assure you that one day you'll be able to find a guy just as good as or even better than he was.

hope you feel better! it'll be awhile so don't expect it so soon.

[NgocQuyen]

^awwh that is the sweetest advise...

i agree. i think that he must've had some sort of feelings for you or he wouldn't have gone out with you in the first place. maybe he feels that you two going to different universities is too much. even though he told you those feelings were all gone, i'm sure they can't really be ALL gone...you have to cross his mind one day or another. sometimes things happen for a reason. maybe this was meant to be you know? you just have to think of it that way...i mean there was this guy that liked me and i let myself fall for him as well, and in the end he tried to break my heart. and if it wasn't for him, i would have never gotten so close to the guy i like now...and i would have never discovered how nice and caring he was. soo yeah...i mean one of the reasons why it's so hard for you to let go, i think, is because you're not letting yourself let go. just breathe for a moment, and try not to think about it so much. maybe one day he will come back in your life, but sometimes you just got to give it time. and if he doesn't, you don't need to wait around for him forever. i wouldn't even advise waiting for him right now...just go out and be free..don't let one heartbreak keep you from finding the right one. hope you feel better sweetie

[lilnatcat]

I really thought he was Mr Right....... been frds for 4 yrs and several months...... also all those high school memories....... thinking back to graduation & formal/prom night which was 23rd September 2005, he was my partner (but we didn't confess to each other that we liked each other until few weeks later).... it was supposed to be a great night to remember, but now when i look back.... whether it'd be memories or photos... i just start crying......

He looked into the future so much..... marriage... kids.... and back then he said he really wanted me to go to Japan with him this September with his whole family..... what makes me think now is did he ever think when we were going out about this university problem that we had now? I thought if he truly loved me, he'd stay with me............. thats what i really believed in....

Some of my frds who know about this think that he's lying... that he still loves me..... but this break up happened so sudden i felt like I just got thrown into a corner like a doll like he's finished with me.....

I thought we could still be together.......in that 1 month when he was overseas, i thought it over carefully and decided to give it all I got to keep our relationship together, I see & envy so many couples that are still together when they're far apart from each other coz of uni like the situation me and him are in......

I was really happy with him regardless what we did. I hoped we'd go into a long term relationship..... I know "I love you" is said a lot nowadays but..... I've never said it before..... its the 1st time I've actually said those words to a guy in person and actually seriously meant it.....

I thought for sure he was the right guy for me since we had things in common....we never had any fights or arguements.... &....he still broke my heart.....

University starts for me this coming Tuesday.... I don't know how i'm going to cope with uni when this happened few days ago......

[*wind&fire*]

*hugs natalie*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[FoxBandCutie08]

I think he's questioning his feelings, or he's into another girl. I mean, he seems to be stumbling over his words when he's trying to give explanations. Talk to him about it, take up the offer on friends, and see if you can find a way to figure out what's going on. In the mean time, get out with your friends and go shopping and gossip or something, do something to cheer you up, everybody gets a little mourning time but if you let it drag on it's not good for your health, as you can see. Good luck!

[lilnatcat]

Coz university starts on this coming tuesday for me........ and its a bit too late for meeting up with frds.........

Nah, he's not stumbling for another girl... he's been in Hong Kong and Shanghai for 1 month, but that was for holiday and stuff coz he hasn't been back for 10 yrs....... he'd know that he'd never will be able to do long distance relationships in separate countries...

I plan on asking his younger brother(1 yr apart only) to tell me the truth whether or not he was lying for the sake coz uni's starting or he actually doesn't have feelings for me anymore......

I really do hope that his brother will tell me the truth and not repeat what my ex said juz coz they're brothers....

I don't think I'll be able to settle down properly as us being frds.
We agreed to be friends still. But I really want to know whether or not I really should ask his younger brother and find out the truth will make me better? or not bother at all and just try to settle down being friends with my ex without knowing the truth..... coz I don't know if my ex told me the truth or not.......

[nightowl89]

you should ask if its going to keep bothering you. if i were u i probly would cuz im...like that

like people have said, he probabaly did really care about you. I know uni seems kinda of lame excuse after teh great relationship but sometimes I think during big steps in life like that you need a fresh start, you know? He might have jsut said he lost feelings for you the day after to let himself move on. Equally possible was that the feeeling really did disappear. I'm sorry this happened, but see how things go and try to open your self up to the new excitment of university! Life goes on. and he is still part of you life, if its meant to be, you'll get back together

[lilnatcat]

I called his younger bro today..... i asked him if my ex broke up with me coz of uni and if there was any other reason too.... bro said he's not sure coz ex didn't really tell him in detail about the whole thing.....

I asked if my ex already knew he wanted to break up with me when he was overseas for that 1 month...... bro said "i think so"

He probably just saying that coz he's helping ex and doesn't want to tell me......

[Chii]

i believe that you deserve to know what his reasons were. ask him about EVERYTHING you want to know about, don't be afraid. if you keep those questions to yourself, it's not going to do any good. pick one day to do this. then whatever he says, accept it. if he continues to not give you a real answer then he can go f*ck himself for being such a coward.

after that, no more interrogating. throw all his sh*t away. if you broke up on good terms, it would be okay to keep it. but this guy is making you cry, making you miserable and leaving you in the dark about what went wrong. after all his crap is in the trash, try to move on. have some alone time and try to realize that he's not that great of a catch. what's the point of trying to be with someone who can't be truthful with you?

it's tough, but i think you should stop having faith in him coming back. you're hurting and he's not doing anything to help you. if he does come back then be careful and start new memories but if he doesn't come back then oh well, at least you were already prepared for that scenario.

i've been through something like this before. i really, really liked the guy but probably not as much as you like this guy and it hurt like a b*tch. you know, when it hurts so bad you can really feel the pain. but then i realized that he was a liar and got over it pretty quickly. he lied about so many stupid things but i was blind to because i liked him so much.

in my eyes, that guy doesn't deserve you! i remember the topic you made awhile ago about what to make your boyfriend. you put so much effort and thought to the gifts. if he can't appreciate that then he can't be the one for you. you are way too smart and sweet to be hurting over such an ass.

[lilnatcat]

Last yr when we started dating... we were in his room on the topic of something and i was like "haha... right....... sure u would" he said that he'd be one of the most loyal ppl I'd know..... i trusted him straight away since from knowing him for the past 4 yrs, to me he was that kind of person....

I asked him last night...... asked all the Q's I could.... I could'nt do it in person..... I know I'm stupid, but I asked him online, he was still willing to answer my Q's.


its over..... he's been willing to answer all my Q's..... and ive gotten my answers......... I've told him everything else about how I feel and how things are going to remind me of them...places.... high school photos.....

Looking on my bed and seeing him lying on it brought back memory when he asked if he could come over the day after we confessed we liked each other coz he really wanted to see me... but we still weren't official yet... he told me online at night on the same day he came over that he's never been over at the house of the girl he likes before.... my house being the first time for him made him really nervous.... i told him that i heard his heart beat really fast when he was hugging me... haha.......... i guess I'll remember things he said and memories of us clearly........

I know a lot of u may think its infatuation and not love........
I don't know how to explain it to u guys how i knew it was love for sure but all i can say is i just followed my heart.... i don't normally follow my heart in relationships because i didn't think it was the right time to be committed..... but with him.. i followed my heart bcoz it was sure to me that it was the right time to commit to him... i felt so secure around him...

At the end, I thanked him for replying to me and still willing to talk and answer my Q's.... that it would help me to move on eventhough it'd take some time.... he said that he doesn't know how it will help me move on....i told him bcoz i told him everything about how i felt.... coz its been bottled up inside of me for a long time.......... but I'm going to do my best to move on and try to build back a friendship with him...

My frd was right when she quoted to me what her frd told her "overseas does change ppl"...... and it is true..... coz me and him weren't the onli ones experiencing this problem...

Thanks Chii!! i feel much better now that i've talked to him and asked everything i could think of at that time. Thanks everybody

[Levy2k6]

well.. i been in your situation. sorta.

me and my gf broke up and mostly because we lost all our chemistry... or it was just a stupid decision...

it took 3 months for us to get back together..

i would talk and talk to her about it and ask her questions and she literally told me to get over her... you know what that does a guy? it fricking hurt..

at 2 months, i told her that i accepted it (i was lying) and i just wanted to be a really good friend of hers..

well we hanged out alot and just did alot of fun suff and it sorta came back to us... we got back together. she said she really though about it so it wasn't like... we did just to get back.. it was like.. yeah. we are going to be really together...

idk.. im a loser. lol.

[lilnatcat]

well........ he doesn't want to be that good frds with me anymore.. just the kind who just talk to each other.... and not do anything else.... i don't think there is a chance of turning back..... his brother says that he's not likely to turn back......

ur lucky.... i just really regret not being able to get into the nearest or same uni as him..... i should've done way beyond my best....... because I'm stupid and didn't go beyond that point i could'nt get into the uni i really wanted to.... i probably would'nt hve lost him if I got into the same or nearer uni....

i'm trying to accept everything he's told me whether or not its a lie he's telling.... its still really hard for me...

i still plan to keep all our things..... i can't bear to throw it away......