Printable Version of Topic

Posted by: pkbabe Dec 28 2007, 03:22 PM

Ok. I'm a 20 yr old female & parents are super strict about me going out. The last time I went out I did it without their permission because I thought their permission wasn't needed since I was only out from noon to 5:30pm....

& yet I STILL get yelled at! The last time I ASKED to go out they shot it down & just told me to stay home because I "supposably" always go out

& my dumb step mother thinks that I only go out go "fool around" with guys like I'm some sort of whore! Telling me that shes starting to worry about my "sudden change of behavior". What sudden change of behavior? That I don't always stay home all the time?

Geez whats a girl to do? I plan to get myself a job & hopefully move out someday but the job part hasn't really come along yet. I was thinking of maybe temporarily living with my bf & his fam (maybe like 2-3 months after I get a job) til I get things rolling. What do you guys think?

Posted by: Sulfur-in-K Dec 28 2007, 03:25 PM

If you find the answer to this, please do tell me.

Posted by: sparrowdust Dec 28 2007, 04:04 PM

what are you doing to find a job? they usually don't just come along.. have you gone to college?

Posted by: MissHygienic Dec 28 2007, 04:07 PM

Moving in with your boyfriend is a stupid idea if he's nothing long-term or serious. Where are you going to go in the case you guys break-up? Have you even thought of a Plan B? Are you just going to crawl back to your family, or possibly harness another guy into your hands and live with him and his family, then? Boyfriends come and go, but family will always be there, and if you're routinely being fed, clothed, and you have a boyfriend even though you never go out, just suck it up. Not being able to go out is not the worst thing in the world.

Posted by: deplorable Dec 28 2007, 04:07 PM

i think you should get yourself a cheap appartment and get a taste of life and freedom. and stop being dependent on other (including you boyfriend and his family) and write your own life.

if its only for a couple months, youll survive

Posted by: oXMuhNirvanaXo Dec 28 2007, 04:12 PM

Ok this is a big wtf mate.. you are other the age of 18 and it's your life and not your step mothers.. Just say screw you.. I wanna go out. That is what I have to say about that.

Posted by: reptilia Dec 28 2007, 05:06 PM

Thank God I don't have this problem. I think that when a person is over the age of 18 and they can't go out on their own without permission, something is definitely wrong with that.

Posted by: synkro Dec 28 2007, 05:34 PM

at least they care about you. there are people whose parents couldn't give a crap about them. like someone said above, you're stuck with family. you shouldn't move out on a whim unless it's serious. i mean, it's not like they're abusing you.

sure, you're 20, and when you turn 21, they'll still probably treat you the same way. if your parents are traditional, chances are they don't see an age wherein you'll be able to go against their orders. but if you start to show responsibility, (like you said getting a job), they might loosen up on you a little 'cause they'll learn to trust you.

Posted by: ojairus Dec 28 2007, 05:36 PM

my family is the same way just get a job and save and dont go out till you have enough money to move out,my dad is out of state so im partying till he comes back and then ill continue to stay home. They are only doing it for the best of you and you are getting free nescetties which is pretty good. It will be really hard living on your own. DONT wait for them to kick you out get a job quick and make money. Because once you're kicked out you cant really come back and it will get EXTREMELY hard from there.

Posted by: shaixe Dec 28 2007, 06:19 PM

pkbabe,
I'm in the EXACT same boat you are. I'm 20 years old, living at home with my dad and step-mom trying to pay for school. I'm not allowed to go anywhere without permission (including work!). They check my banking records, my phone records, and they watch the mileage on my car.

I don't know if you're enrolled in a university, but that's my exit strategy. I'm getting a dorm room in January and what I can't pay for I'll handle with student loans. My dad says I'm borrowing from my future, but I think having my independance is well worth any debt. I'd suggest doing the same thing. I don't know how much apartments cost in your area, but do some research if school isn't as tasteful for you as it is for me.

A roommate is deffinately a good option, but I wouldn't opt for your boyfriend. Get a close, GIRL friend and make sure you both lay down some rules. I'd guess a cheap, but decent apartment, split two ways, would be about $300 a month. Including utilities, the price might go up to $400. I don't know if you have car payments, or insurance, or what, but you'll have to include that as well.

Any job as a server would be a decent way to pay your bills. Just make sure you're a good worker.

Before you move out though, take some advice and SAVE your money! Save as much as you possibly can! I'd guess 3k might give you a good enough start, but even still, it goes fast if you're not prepared. Trust me. I don't even have my dorm room yet, and I expect to be spending nearly all of my savings.

Good luck! Please, feel free to message me if you want to talk. I truly know what you're going through, and it might be nice to share complaints. :) Lol.

Posted by: mistalazyboi Dec 28 2007, 07:27 PM

You gotta fight

For your right

TO PARTY!!!!

Posted by: jessibabe Dec 28 2007, 07:47 PM

You know what, I got the answer for you, girl...

You have to pull yourself together and think about it the long-term consequences of your situation. You can't just do everything in the spur of the moment and act like your parents won't matter in the future. THEY PAY FOR EVERYTHING YOU HAVE. Like some people have said... it's NOT a big deal... life moves on. And be happy they care for you.

Posted by: ojairus Dec 28 2007, 11:42 PM

oh yea i wanted to live in the dorms but i live to close to campus =/.

Posted by: pkbabe Dec 29 2007, 12:57 AM

...yea...I've been trying to find myself a job (of course behind the parents back because they don't even allow me to have a job )

I do go to college. Studying to be an RN (Registered Nurse) & I thought of going through the RT program (Respiratory Therapist) as well since its the same path as an RN & get licensed. Then once I'm an RT, I can continue with the path of being an RN while at the same time earn a decent amount of money (from I what researched its about $20+ an hr)

So I suppose I can wait a yr...I need 6 months of rent money before moving out anyways. Its only practical

& thank you for your inputs everyone. Greatly appreciated

Posted by: avocado Dec 29 2007, 03:45 AM

you're an ADULT. tell your parents to shut the fxck up.

Posted by: ZaraS Dec 29 2007, 04:10 PM

My parents are the same way. I have to lie a lot of the time to go places. I hate lying to my parents but... sometimes it's easier than the truth.

Posted by: MissFits Dec 29 2007, 04:22 PM

You are 20 f**king years old.
It's not like your a major f**k up, you are in college and I am assuming you do well...
Sit your parents down and talk to them, don't yell or freak out. Just tell them that they should trust you to go out on your own. If they still insist upon sheltering you from the world go out anyway. Find your own place and just go.

I did it when I was 16, you can do it now.

Posted by: ojairus Dec 29 2007, 04:27 PM

missfits you proably dont understand its totally different for different types of people and parents. you cant just assume that will work because parents have different backgrounds and morals and that may be a form of disrespect.

Posted by: MissFits Dec 29 2007, 05:00 PM

I cant assume that her parents wont be able to tell her what to do if she has her own place?
She is her own person. If her parents try to run her life for the rest of her life she is not going to be happy. She knows what she wants and she deserves to go after it. If she makes mistakes she will learn from them.

Posted by: mistalazyboi Dec 29 2007, 06:00 PM

Sorry but it's their house and it's their rules. Try to work out a better agreement and compromise. Bad idea living with your bf. Trust me, I've had experience and it ended up as a complicated mess. If all else fails: get a job, save money, and move out.

Posted by: SharperMyspace Dec 29 2007, 11:13 PM

Maybe the don't trust you because you are 20, no job, no college, and living at home... That's just my opinion.

Posted by: MissHygienic Dec 29 2007, 11:17 PM

She is in college, and probably doesn't have time to get a job in between studying.

But, like I said, if they're paying for your education, food, clothing, the house in which you live, get over it. While you live with them, you live by their rules, even though you are an adult by physical age.

Posted by: laydee hottness Dec 30 2007, 06:02 PM

omg my ridiculous parents are the SAME way. I can't even go to a friend's house, or have lunch withOUT them. I'm 17 though =[. I got hired at hollister and right when i was suppose to start, they said i couldnt work 'til i turned 18. Hence, i can't move out at the moment, and i'm basically stuck at home and doing crap for them. I plan to move in with my boyfriend next year.

Transfer to a further school if you must. GET A JOB despite what they say, you're 20. Good luck <3

Posted by: MrElsewhere Dec 30 2007, 09:00 PM

You're a grown person, FFS. GTFO as fast as possible. Go with your boyfriend and his family for a while, and if all else fails, pray to Chuck Norris, for in Chuck Norris, all things are possible.

Posted by: xSybarite Dec 31 2007, 02:20 AM

You're an adult now, you don't need your parents telling you what to do. Why don't you just move out or something?

Posted by: sparrowdust Dec 31 2007, 02:37 AM

moving out is expensive.

even some adults can't logically think things out alone. i'm not implying that the topic starter can't, but there are just some people who were horribly sheltered by their parents and are therefore unable to do things on their own.

Posted by: ojairus Dec 31 2007, 02:55 AM

people make it seem so eazy to move out. Dont forget to take account she has no money saved up and that 1. you want to move out to a good apartment complex area.2. then she has to pay for gas, im not sure if she has a car? 3. working to pay for food and clothes and gas is really stressfull especially if she is trying to continue her education. Ask some homeless people if its easy to start from scratch and move out, the legit ones =p.

Posted by: miiszxclassiic Jan 1 2008, 02:22 AM

Well I'm 21 and my parents are just extremely overprotective. I'm the youngest girl out of 5 children and I have a younger brother, but I get it the worst. I look at is as them caring a great deal about me. I get told all the time.. it's a cold world, people are crazy these days, etc.. they are just looking out for me

In your situation I know its annoying and trust me I can't stand it but I'm not sure if moving out would solve the problem though. You need to communicate. Maybe they don't trust you either because of something you have done in the past or because of things that they have done at your age and they don't want you to make the same mistake. My best advice is to first try to talk to them and second to find a (positive) excuse to never be home. Like getting a good job, going to school, or doing something extra curricular.

Posted by: kawaiiPANDA Jan 1 2008, 06:00 PM

Stand up for your rights!
I do and I'm only 15 hehe.
Moving in with your boyfriend is kind of a bad choice, I think the problems with that have already been highlighted in other peoples posts.

All parents are clingy, you just have to have a chat with them about you being old enough to take care of yourself because.. your 20 DX this is when your life begins !