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Posted by: Jackaroe Jul 4 2008, 04:35 PM

The Heart is Beat

I feel like piercing my heart with a needle
Thinner than the thread it can hold,
And prick and prick this bloody beat of mine
Till the wave of distant drumming slows.
This scarlet flesh will dry and rot
and the love inside will cry,
As the walls shrink and shrivel and knot
Into a chamber where feeling can die.
Flaking and peeling, lifeless and cold,
No more a bag of blood to squeeze;
Just a heart in ashen form waiting
to be dismembered by a breeze.
And without this pump--this air-stuffed pump,
I'll surely follow suit and pale.
This liquor of mine, thick and red,
With you gone, life will taste so stale.
Beautifully bland and spiritless,
A gray world moving without a pulse,
Lament now, my heart, and thump severe--
For tomorrow, this sound I shall never again hear.

Posted by: RiddleMeWonders Jul 5 2008, 05:22 PM

I absolutely loved it.

There were a few lines that word choices might've been searched for..
but as it is, it's already... awesome. I love it.

Posted by: Jackaroe Jul 13 2008, 10:26 PM

Thanks for the comment! I'm glad you like it.

But, just out of curiosity, which lines had you considered to have iffy wording?

Posted by: PrIncEoFSeXaPpeAL Jul 16 2008, 01:34 PM

QUOTE(Jackaroe @ Jul 13 2008, 11:26 PM)

QUOTE(Jackaroe @ Jul 4 2008, 05:35 PM)

Posted by: RiddleMeWonders Aug 21 2008, 11:49 AM

it's about when you get to the line after " this liquor of mine". that line itself is great. the line after and the following kind of fade into the wake of the much-more-loved beginning.