OKay I need advide, GUY HELP PLEASEE Options

[Pumpx3itup]

okay this is going to be slightly confusing and
you need a summary of my bfs

#1 abused me
#2 used me
#3 pressured me
#4 loved me

okay, Soo I broke up with them all for obvious reasons except for 4
all he ever did was love me. and I broke up with him because someone started a rumor he just wanted in my pants and I got scared. so I ran.
But I really care about him but i'm really unstable and I don't know what to do I know he could help me heal. Ohh but main problem. ALL of my friends hate him and they got mad that i talk to him. but When i was in his arms I felt soo happy and safe. and happy and I aren't usually togetehr in a sentance. I'm battling depression, and a self harm addiction. I just want some advice from people who havent heard the rumors and maybe know how i feel

kthnx♥

ask anything you like if I left stuff out.

[blacknailpolish]

Does he still love you? Explain it to him, it sounds like you should be able to tell him anything at this point, so why don't you just explain everything?

As for your friends? Psssssh, it's YOUR boyfriend, not theirs. They shouldn't do that to you. If they don't like him, sucks for them. They're probably all just jealous ;)

[pinayprincess]

in time of stuggle like USING YOU, PRESSURING YOU or ABUSING YOU did he ever ask once how u ever felt? if you were okay? i understand all guys have a loving side; but if u broke up with him... let it be-- LET HIM COME TO YOU.... he says he loves you? love is basically tested in this and if it isnt love that he has... then you moving on is probably best...

[Pumpx3itup]

haha he asked me out again a few nights ago.
and I turned him down.
He held me after the third bf because
he didnt know the first two.
yeah he always picks me up
but i always get scared and push him away
he would do anything for me and he tells me that all the time.


I have explained it.
But he also knows that I love him and that I know he will never hurt me intensionally. but I just have some issues I guess

[msladyliberty]

I'm sure you're young. You have so much to live for. I think in your case, you want to be the girl who can change him to become a better person. A lot of girls want to be that for a guy.

You must have a lot of patience to be this guy. Just be yourself and be happy. If you're happy that's all that matters. I think you should focus more on your happiness. If putting yourself through all this makes you happy, then stay in it.

[blacknailpolish]

^....what are you talking about?

[msladyliberty]

^lol...I really don't know! This response was supposed to be for a different one. oh well! lol so retarded


*correct response*
hmmm...the relationship doesn't sound healthy to me. Just think, "Is he really worth it?" You really need to have a talk with this guy.

[blacknailpolish]

^Haha thats what I thought, some things just didn't...connect

[Pumpx3itup]

No see Christian, The newest guy, All he wants is me to be happy.
He hasn't done anything wrong.
he just cares about me massively
and will do anything for me.
the only prob is no one likes him.

[*Moderator*]

It seems like your letting what happened in the past get to you. Its understandable, but he may not understand. You should talk to him about it and why that happened. Communication. He'll never know if you don't tell him. If he really cares about you like you say he does, then you just need to trust him and forget what happened with those other guys. Don't listen to rumors, get it from the direct source. Ya know?

[Keriana]

May I ask a personal question? Of course feel free to deny answering! I just was wondering if you are currently getting help for your depression and addiction. You need to help yourself before you are able to deal with issues you have with relationships. Please help yourself and in return your relationships will improve! Hope it all works out!

[Pumpx3itup]

Thats the thing.
I was getting help.
I had therepy twice a week for a month.
and we all thought I was better. But lately,
Its kinda just there. But, it's really weird.
Its not always there, just when It gets triggered.
But My friends are always there when I feel that low.
and he is there all the time. I'm much better that I was
a year ago.

[blacknailpolish]

the only prob is no one likes him.

But YOU like him...

[msladyliberty]

You should sooo get a hobby to get your mind off this guy. Get a dog...dogs are cool! Or even better, Learn to Love yourself!!

[transcendentalis...]

i don't know how strong you are, but i personally think that if you love this guy and he loves you back, you'll be able to get over your past with him. it could take months. getting over my past did.

as much as a guy loves you, he doesn't want to be with a crackpot that's filled with insecurity and hopelessness with no self-respect who complains and shudders when she thinks about the past 24/7. i'm not saying you're this way - i doubt you are. but guys don't need to deal with that and all it really takes to get over stuff is willpower.

you know this guy loves you, or at least you think you do. i thought mine loved me, but obviously he didn't. either way, i eventually got all my willpower together (after he told me he didn't love me) and got over everything anyway. never forget that a guy that loves you is NOT going to try and harm you in any way. he's not trying to use you or being with you solely to get into your pants... and just remember that.

suck it up, explain it all to him, and see if you two can give it another shot.

ps. you don't NEED another person to help heal you. it's definitely helpful sometimes, but it's a terrible mistake to rely on that person to help you heal. you need 100% of your own willpower to make it through, not someone else's. if you rely on a force that isn't your own, when it leaves unexpectedly, you're just going to go back to square one.

[misoshiru]

you've already said it. he's used you, abused you, AND pressured you. so how do you know that he truly loves you?

[Pumpx3itup]

AHH!!
all thoes things weren't him!
Thoes are other guys.
I'm having trouble with #4 because of my previous
experiences with guys.
I have like no trust.

[*Insurmountable*]

No No No,

She had 4 boyfriends over the summer.
One Used her, one Abused her, and one Pressured her.
And then the final one shes confused about because all he ever did was love her.


Okay from your whole situation the thing that I see is that you jumped in to to many relationships in such a short time before getting over the last and the situation that happened with them.

I personally like the first response the best..I hate the response of someone telling you to wait on him to come back because Deary, thats not going to happen. YOU broke up with him and if he really loved you hes probably trying to put some space there so you can get over him..

Anyway this is the reply i liked:

Does he still love you? Explain it to him, it sounds like you should be able to tell him anything at this point, so why don't you just explain everything?

As for your friends? Psssssh, it's YOUR boyfriend, not theirs. They shouldn't do that to you. If they don't like him, sucks for them. They're probably all just jealous ;)

For him: If you really want to give it another shot and you guys have really good communication while you guys were in a relationship and you can tell him anything then go for it I think you should just stop him or ask to hang out with him and tell him you want to talk to and just tell him about your past stuff and how your still hurt by it (if you are) and that with those things you just got so use to leaving guys for the awful things that happened that you got confused by someone like him just wanting to love and care for you. Tell him you want to give it another shot because you want to be the best you can be and heal from the past.


And as for your friends. SCREW THEM. If you love/like this guy and your happy thats all that matters! I mean you should care about your friends but you should care about yourself more. Although if your really really worried about them not liking them. Sit down with all of them and ask them the reason on why they don't like him and if they really have rock solid proof on to why they think the things they do.


Good luck


P.S. - I agree that you need to want to 'heal' and not rely on this one guy to help you and start...It is really helpful to have that one person you can always talk to when your down and stuff and when ever you need a pick me up but what happens if something does happen to him then you need to be able to go on it on your own.

[Pumpx3itup]

ahh..
it wasn't this summer.
#1 was almost two years ago.
#2 ended a year ago.
#3 was jan-march.
#4 was this summer.
problem is. things haunt me.
I think I've healed from them
but then I get in a relationship
and I get scared. thats why this is so
hard I guess.but he knows almost everything.
he and I are hanging out as soon as I'm free.
and we are gonna rebuild what we had slowly
because he wants to see me get better more
than anything.

[*Insurmountable*]

Oh okay...well your not really replying to what everyone is giving you just the mistakes they made..


Anyway, did you really get over each guy before getting in another relationship?

[Pumpx3itup]

hah Yeah I'm bad at this whole taking advice well but I'm trying because I really need/want it.

but I've talked to him about it a few times, He just wants to help. He doesn't really get it... But he just wants to help me heal. ITs kinda confusing my friends don;'t like him because He's hurt me before, but he didnt realize it and then there was rumors about him wanting in my pants and Idk.

BUt I though I was over them, BUt I get freaked out sometimes it just like haunts me, I guess.

[LittleMissSunshi...]

hah Yeah I'm bad at this whole taking advice well but I'm trying because I really need/want it.

but I've talked to him about it a few times, He just wants to help. He doesn't really get it... But he just wants to help me heal. ITs kinda confusing my friends don;'t like him because He's hurt me before, but he didnt realize it and then there was rumors about him wanting in my pants and Idk.

BUt I though I was over them, BUt I get freaked out sometimes it just like haunts me, I guess.

what did he do to hurt you? if it is something serious, then no don't go out with him. if it isn't, then go for it, cause he's just trying to be there. and i know that your scared, and worried, don't want anything like that to happen again. but if he just loved you, then go for it. ignore rumors, ask him about that, talk it with him, thats all i can say. i hoped that help !

[Pumpx3itup]

Thanks.
I think I'm gonna go call him and talk to him.
Hahah Except I'll prob wake him up oops.

[Pumpx3itup]

Okay soo I talked to him today.
He said he understood, and now we're
closer than ever and we haven't had any
trouble yet, because usually right after
we make up we start fighting, and that
hasn't happened.Thank you guys soo much
for your help. It helped me soo much :D

[Kontroll]

I think I'm going to kill myself. I can't take this dumb shit anymore.

Well, you have a problem. None of them. This is how I see it.

You're a self destructive person. That's what you admitted to. Is it not? Number one abused you. I think we can agree that that is destructive. Number two used you. Again, destructive. And number three pressured you. Yet, again...destructive. You must wear your emotions on your sleeve because obviously they saw it and took advantage of you. I mean, if I knew how a girl was feeling then I would do everything in my power to toy with her. I mean, it's a power thing. You let them take advantage of you and you paid the price. So, really it's your fault.

The fourth guy I don't think loves you. How old are you anyway? I'm just asking because most of the time people on here are teenagers, and we all know how teenagers view love... It's one big happy festival. YAY! WHITE PONIES AND LONG FLOWING DRESSES!

You ran because you're not used to that kind of attention.