Humanity |
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 May 31 2005, 07:51 PM
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#1
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 The Best Thing Since Instant Soup  Group: Member Posts: 815 Joined: Feb 2005 Member No: 104,928  |
why are people so stupid?
why can't we avoid fights? why can't we live life peacefully? why do we choose to be alone ? why do we fear forces we can't see or feel? why can't we see ourselves for what we really are? why can't we see those who lie to us? why do we lie to ourselves? why do we create imaginary worlds/lives/dimensions? why can't i be me? why cant you be you? why do you choose to be with her/him? and why can't you be with me? why won't you let me love you ? why wont i let myself love? why does the look of her make me sick inside? sad? why can't i stand your smile or your beautiful face anymore? why does your name make my ears bleed? why does your touch make my skin burn in a blaze of agony? why does your existance Disturb MINE!!!!? what does this to me? You wanna know why? -------------- -------- ------- ------ ----- ---- --- -- -Because.. Humanity is it's own greatest tragedy. _____________________________ ______ _____ ____ ___ __ _ Yeah.. So... What do you all think? |
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| *Azarel* |
Jun 1 2005, 05:29 PM
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#2
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I like neither the break with dashes nor the colloquial language, but the concept I do like. The bit on love is unoriginal, but yay for aphorism throughout the piece.
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Jun 4 2005, 02:07 AM
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#3
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 deleted Group: Member Posts: 3,168 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 92,276 |
^ yea i have to agree with her. the break with the dashes is weird but the concept is great.
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Jun 4 2005, 08:45 PM
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#4
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 iuvenesco Group: Member Posts: 427 Joined: Feb 2005 Member No: 101,221 |
Hm, your emotions can be felt through this well, but I dunno, I'm not too fond of the wording and style
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| *iNyCxShoRT* |
Jun 4 2005, 08:46 PM
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#5
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"why does your touch make my skin burn in a blaze of agony?"
^ oh how very catchy. |
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| *Kathleen* |
Jun 6 2005, 01:05 PM
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#6
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I love the subject matter. And this is so brutally true:
QUOTE Humanity is it's own greatest tragedy. Good job. |
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Jun 8 2005, 01:51 PM
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#7
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 Young Hollywood Group: Member Posts: 229 Joined: Jun 2005 Member No: 148,156 |
i dont like poems that ask me questions >.<
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Jun 8 2005, 11:09 PM
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#8
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The Best Thing Since Instant Soup Group: Member Posts: 815 Joined: Feb 2005 Member No: 104,928 |
It's not really a poem..
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Jun 9 2005, 04:47 PM
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#9
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 52 Joined: May 2005 Member No: 133,454 |
QUOTE(LOVE machine x @ Jun 8 2005, 7:51 PM) i dont like poems that ask me questions >.<  lol at least they're rhetorical questions |
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Jun 12 2005, 08:08 AM
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#10
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Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 58 Joined: Jun 2005 Member No: 151,278 |
it's not really a poem..
but good points |
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Jun 12 2005, 02:41 PM
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#11
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The Best Thing Since Instant Soup Group: Member Posts: 815 Joined: Feb 2005 Member No: 104,928 |
Well, It's not a poem but it is writing so I put it here.. Since there is nowhere else to put it. Plus a poem can be full with questions, I just wouldn't call this one though.
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Jun 12 2005, 04:16 PM
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#12
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 My name's Katt. Nice to meet you! Group: Member Posts: 3,826 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 93,674 |
QUOTE(wchoi37 @ Jun 12 2005, 7:08 AM) it's not really a poem.. but good points A poem is a composition of writing that expresses your feelings. Technically this would be a poem, but it could be prose or something. I dunno. I think it's good and it flows well. Don't really have any critique for this except maybe shorten it a bit if possible and get rid of those weird dashes. Well written. 
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