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Full Version: PUT A BIBLE OVER YOUR PENIS, SAYS POPE
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illriginal
Source: http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/health/...e-200903181648/

QUOTE
POPE Benedict last night claimed that placing a bible over an erect penis before intercourse is the only guaranteed way to prevent the spread of Aids.

Speaking before his tour of Africa, the Pontiff said Aids could only be tackled by the 'traditional teaching of the church' and not a latex rubber sheath that contains infected semen and prevents it from transferring the virus to another human being.

Experts said that either the Pope is suggesting the bible is used like a condom, or he doesn't know what a condom is.

Dr Emma Bradford, of Reading University, said: "I guess you would have to rip out a few pages of Leviticus and then somehow fashion them into a condom-like device using lots and lots of masking tape.

"Or you could shred the pages, soak them in water and construct something that looks a bit like a paper mach? cigar tube."

Dr Bradford added: "It has to be one of those two because suggesting that the African Aids epidemic can be contained simply by reading the bible would be criminally insane."

Since his inauguration in 2005 the Pope has continued the Church's strong opposition to condoms by calling for abstinence, supervised heavy petting and whacking it repeatedly with a wooden spoon until it goes all soft again.

Meanwhile the Vatican has issued this year's list of approved non-penetrative carnal techniques including pearl necklaces, light genital branding and something called 'Dutch steamboating'.



I came to the conclusion that there's only two things about this Pope. Either:

A. He's really just a stupid human being and an embarrassment to Christianity

or

B. He's in fact the spawn of satan in the flesh.


Placing your Holy Bible (The Word of God, mind you) above your erect penis? This is f*ckin blasphemy, off with his head!!!!! stubborn.gif


You Christians need to revolt... this is beyond disrespect.
Medi
Woah. That's just crazy talk! Where did he even get such a crazy idea?! Too much twitter Pope Benny, someone ask some outrageous question you were compelled to answer?? This is an example of when not to listen to the pope. >_>
illriginal
Errr... disregard. It's one of those stupid ass satire news sites. mellow.gif
Medi
Oh, funny one though.
datass
he also thinks condoms should be banned in africa.
hi-C
^ Exactly. Even though this was satire, they basically got his (dangerous) philosophy on contraceptives.
mipadi
When the world (finally) turns to Sharia Law, satire websites like The Onion and The Daily Mash will be banned so they don't fool gullible readers.
none345678


edit
I like this one better
schizo
He wanted to ban condoms in Africa? Why doesn't he just get a syringe and give them AIDS himself? stubborn.gif

I'm not a fan of him. As soon as he said Harry Potter was blasphemous, I knew he was a little cracked.
illriginal
QUOTE(IWontRapeYou @ Mar 21 2009, 02:15 PM) *


edit
I like this one better


Doesn't he look so freakin evil!?!?
karmakiller
QUOTE(IWontRapeYou @ Mar 21 2009, 01:15 PM) *
blink.gif

I don't really pay attention to the pope, but I did hear about him saying that condoms won't help reduce the spread of AIDS. I'm sure if they had those pictures hanging over the bed, though, that would probably reduce the spread of AIDS.
illriginal
He believe that condoms would be counter productive, causing AIDS to rise.
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