Ok you know the deal.




Heyy It'll be fun to see you next week even though I despise your boyfriend. Your preppy/slight airheadedness bothers me a b it, but putting our differences aside, I'm sure we'll have a great time

I hate it when you flirt with other people; even as a joke. You know why too... God you know I hate it, yet you still do it. Can't you understand? When you said those words, it seriously felt like I had knives stabbing through my heart. It hurt, and I know it was a joke, yet I couldn't get over the pain. And then, you make it out to be my fault that I can't take a freaking joke! Seriously, you were the one freaking flirting with other girls in front of me; how am I supposed to feel? Huh?

You don't know an effing thing about me so why are you gonna sit there and judge me? You don't know what I go through every god damn day of my life and you don't know how much sh*t that I have to take from my own family. You don't even know what the eff I'm about cause you think your so effing cool now that you talk sh*t about me. I honestly have tried to resolve it with you, but you just dont effing get it. You're a effing moron who should seriously die. I walk into a store and I hear people whispering something about me being a "chink" and your the first thing that pops up in my head. I just really wanna end everything right now all thanks to you...

I have alot tonight.

Matt (is that your name?)-
Haha, you're pretty cool/not cool.

Random Black Guy-
You're an amazing dancer & if my friend didn't pull me away, I'm sure we would've had a great time. Thanks <3

Random Guy-
Ummmm, move when you dance? kthnxbye.

Random Guy #2-
Wow, you really looked like my ex-crush/now friend. You're a good dancer, too. Hmmm, I like the way you touched me... Sorry I had to go. I hate my friends.

George's Friend (I don't know you're name)-
Yeah, you need to move when you dance, too! But, you're nice.

George-
Is it bad that I got extremely jealous when I saw you dance with that girl.. or that girl.. or that girl? Yeah, you FOR ONCE, didn't dance with me, or even flirt with me. I know you think I don't like you, but the truth is, I did like ALL YEAR, but since I never saw you during the summer I lost feelings and I saw you and they came back.. Anyways, YEAH, I was jealous.

Steve F-
Wow, that's so weird you were there last night, but I didn't see you. I REALLLYY REALLY hope I can go next week. We would have an amazing time (I remember how good of a dancer your are & I hear you're a good kisser - God my friends are hoes.) Anyways, if Cait isn't be gay AND I'm not going to New York I'll see you there.. and we'll have fun in the foam!

K-
Baby <3333 You come home in like 5 days!! Hopefully I can see you before you leave again or else I'll have to wait till school. I can't wait that long, I love you.

Cait-
PLEASE COME TO SHAMPOO WITH ME I WANNA SEE STEVE THANK YOU!!!

Alessandra-
Damn, I wish you were here. I need to tell you sooo much. Bff, always, right? <3

Damn, you're such a bitch. I wish you would die, you f**king attention whore.

Same old good shit everytime we go... its just another day for the NB's in chinatown, fun stuff.

hey

i'm not a crazy bitch like u think i am. if u get to know me i'm pretty nice. but whenever i call u ur just like "oh its u...uh...ig2g" out of all the boys that like me, ur the only one i like, and u dont like me. if u could just get to know me. you would see.

I don't really know what to say to you. You're a really good friend but I guess you can be an ass at times, even other people said you can be at times. Yes, that must mean I've been talking about you behind your back, and I truly feel bad for doing so. But I don't know, you and her... you guys always talk about each other behind each other's backs but the next day you always act like it's nothing and then invite her to do stuff the next day. You said it's cause you have no one else to hang out with, but you know we haven't hung out in like 3 weeks which gets me kind of sad knowing my summer is a complete waste now. Everytime I get mad at you I can never tell you to your face. You say I'm a good friend to you and I believe that, really I do. I like our 12am phone calls and I wish you could call a little earlier or something so we can talk more without having the feeling of falling asleep. I like when you im me, not when I have to im you. I like when you invite me to hang out with you and your friends because I love to meet new people. But it's not really happening nowadays because you're ditching me. I mean, you're in none of my classes next year-- we might not even be friends next year. And even if we do talk online and on the phone next year without actually seeing each other, it's not gonna be the same. There are some times when I'm jealous of her, because you always call each other up to do stuff when I'm stuck at home. I would rather go out, though. I would rather be with you and her and everyone else instead of staying home all summer. I told you my summer was gonna be a bore but you insisted that you would take me out everyday. But I don't see that happening, do I? Well, let's just wait and see what happens.

SF-
We're talking right now online and like REALLY flirting. This is good and bad. Good because you seem nice and I sort-of know you. Also, I'm in need of what you're saying. COUGH. Bad because, I'm kinda in a relationship. Well, technically I'm not... but me & K really like each other. Oh, Lord.

dear seth,
i miss you. it was nice talking to you for a little bit. im sorry i missed your call. come back soon. 9 more days.

1.) oh my love...i hate how you beat yourself up over small things...i hope you can get over it, i love you so much sexy.


2.) goodness you're such an ass. i still hate you, you disgusting piece of sh*t. why don't you take a look around and see what everyone really thinks of you? you should try not to make yourself look like someone you're not, i'll be glad when the fancy suit falls off revealing the bum you truly are.

To my favorite guys:

OMFGGGGG I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU GUYS TOMORROW!!!!!
Y'all are the best friends a girl could have.

+++

To J:

Still not talking to you. You don't know what you did? I'm not about to explain it to you.

To __________ :
Whoaaa..I haven't seen in you for almost a year, I think. But I am hoping so so much that I will get to see that beautiful face tomorrow..but whatever happens, I know that we will have a blast!

--Teesa

dear eric,

you have no idea how much i miss you. you were my best friend for awhile. i could talk to you about anything and you could ALWAYS make me smile. i was so happy that i met you, even though i wasnt too happy about it at first. aaaand of course eventually i started liking you. a lot. lol, remember we were like, lets just tell each other who we like the day before spring break? mm, you made my day :) april 09, 2004. still remember. i was at angels house and you called me and i asked whoooo, and you said, you. =]] made me smile like a .. very smiley person. guhasdf, missed you like shit when you were at taiwan. i remember your profile this one time, and it said, "God's going to punish me for stealing one of his angels from heaven." that was so sweet :D and the way you always said, i miss you, whenever you signed off on AIM, even though youd be seeing me the next day. i loved you. i just never realized it until it was too late ... =\ im sorry i was so stupid to get with nick. i was just .. realy stupid. i regretted it so much later on. i missed you like crap during the summer. and then i guess things just changed after that.. i couldnt talk to you the way i used to. im sorry. i miss you so much, i love you still. just in a different way. it really hurts.. oh gee. when youre in high school ill still think of you :) because the people that really matter leave deep imprints in your heart. & youve left the deepest. im sorry we dont talk anymore. its sort of weird, theres times when its like im totally over you, im fine. and then i see something that reminds me of you, look at your old xanga and those entries that say stuff like, "celly cheered me up like she always does," and "luvin u =D" it just makes me sad. i wonder that if i never got with nick, would we still like each other now? its been well over a year. i wish i could go back, cause i still love you. a lot. i miss you. i WANT to forget about you but its too hard. thinking about you makes me really sad. cause i know that we'll never be friends again. itd be too hard and different. youre different than any other guy ive ever met. once again i miss you. id do anything to have a friendship again.
mr bunnyboy i love you :) as a friend, as a person, everything. forever.


dear @#$#$23424,

i envy you. sososososo much. youve got everything i ever wanted.

i miss you.
------------
i miss you.
------------
i miss you.
------------
i miss you.

It was so nice of you to call me!!!To bad you called me when I had to go..Lol..Somehow it feels like you are the only one who really cares other than renee..how sad..
------
errrr..saw u at the bus stop..im pretty sure u were watching to see what i do..u make me soooooo nervous..i have no clue y..i mean like.. never mind!!!maybe things well get less awkward when i see u in school..

wow. what a wonderful tonight. what amazing performers, really! i almost reached your hand dammit...thank you for looking right at me though. it was sooo exciting. and for that blown kiss too!

i miss you. a lot. i can't wait to see you. i hope you can come all those days...it'd be fabulous. this is the bestest summer ever...mostly thanks to you.

im glad we're together again... i love when we talk every night of the week, just talking about the past, our feelings etc. im in "like" with you ...haha =P

Jeff,
I can't stop thinking about you.

you.
you're so conceited. take a big step back and look at what you've
turned into. where's that nice boy everyone loved. haha, guess its
gone now. well it was nice while it lasted. cheers. <3,danielle

Go burn in hell.

--

So confused I can't even put my thoughts down here.

-Stop making me cry. Just stop it. I want to say good-bye and to leave me alone but I just can't. I can't and I don't know why ..

The dude that came this morning,
OH MY GEE YOU'RE HOT. =]

Kenny,
Cheryl and I think you need to stop playing MapleStory for a while.

Toby,

Kelly - AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH about your sister's friend or whatever. LMAO.

Kenny - Kelly and I will take you to see a therapist right away!

Toby -

Lmfao.

Kenny - You're always on away message. Dork.

Cheryl -

Toby - Get your butt online.

hello you,
thanks for making everything okay for me again. but i wish i was the only. and i'm so full of anixety right now. please save me.
love,
carol

Julian,
I had fun today although I didn't get to take you up on that Time Crisis challenge. Definately next time. You're definately a cool person but I just wish you would talk a bit more. I guess you'll open up to me a lil more with time. But I definately enjoy your company and I like the way you look at me. There's something different there...

bah. you people suck. almost blew my 'cover' today so to speak...haha at least i got a clue how you feel about that...i suppose i'll tell you after i graduate...so you can't hold me down anymore. fah.

i miss you. i get to see you monday though! finally!

WHY WON'T YOU TALK TO ME! i don't understand what's going on with you. i thought we were best friend. you KNOW that i would be the first person to understand your secret but yet...you still won't stell me!

Why do you keep saying you'll do this and you'll do that then end up doing nothing at all?
I'm so sick and tired of trying to confront you about it when all youre going to do is deny, deny, deny... or go, "I don't understand."
I'm sick and tired hearing you say things that you won't do.
I'm sick of telling you things that you ask about, then I end up getting your bad attitude.
You're getting on my nerves... I seriously regret lieing to you about how youre one of my close friends because shes not... why are you so desperate to get friends... why are you so desperate to get close to me and my best friend.
I have only ONE best friend and its not you.
SHES the one who listens to me, SHE cares for my feelings, I trust her, not you. When she promises me things, she actually DOES THEM. When I tell her the truth, she actually takes them into consideration rather than just flip out!
I should never have lied so you'd get the idea.
Youre so thick... you make me sick.
Oh yeah... quit telling me how you have a job and stuff... friends don't rub it in.
Why say it to you? You'll never get ANYTHING into your head because youre so thick. I'm not even going to bother talking to you... or sharing anything with you.

Kelly: You're so sweet

--

____: Stop making me feel bad. It's up to me who I want to talk to. Yes, you are an important person in my life but you have not right to tell me who to talk to. Just stop reminding me about the past. it doesn't matter anymore. you are only making everything worse. When I grow up, one day I'm going to blame you for this.

____: You are poo.

____: Stop crying. Stop it. Stop it. Think about it. You've been hurt enough.

____: I have 15 years of shit to tell you. I just haven't figured out how the hell to tell you.

GOD!

ignorance is never bliss.im not even tryna get hyphy or whatever but you dont really know what goes on in my house when no one is there. my moms a f**kin` abusive anger-raged freak. my whole family has anger problems,thats why my dad has his ulcer. those holes in the walls, are on my face every now and then. and my dad leather belt on my face arms legs thighs and ass, back. one time i had 3 huge welts that didnt go away for about 2 days. when i was little he pushed me and i fell on the floor and he kicked me. he also kicked my mom in the stomach when she was pregnat with me to try and kill me. so, i even got beat before i was born. my dad has like a really serious rage problem, and he takes that out on me, not my brother cos hes "the good one, the one we raised right" , my dad makes me feel like shit on the bottom of his f**kin` 20 year old shoes. and my mom ? countless hangers have been broken on my booty.once even a f**kin broom was broken on my back. she had me lay across the kitchen floor and just whacked me so hard it split in two. when my mom gets mad i get hella scared. she tells me "get on the bed, your face on the pillow" and if i dont obey her then i just get beat in the face with the hanger. so i get on the floor or the bed and she hits me with that shit til it breaks. and sometimes i dont even feel the hits becos im so amaezed my mom can whoop ass so hard. its something me and monica talked about once. i thank you were there. when your mom beats you so hard, you dont even feel the hits no more bcos your just in shock that she can f**kin` scrape my ass basicaly . ooh and one time it was like the beginning of 8 grade. it was around 8 and i had music up in my brothers room and it wasnt even that loud. yeah it was loud but not omg wtf loud and she comes storming in the room and screams "turn that down your fathers tryna sleep !" so i said okay and she was like "what ? dont talk back to me" and pulled my hair so naturally i screamed cos it came out of nowhere and it hurt like a bitch and she threw me on the floor [i kinda fell out the chair also but basically threw me] and kicked me. then she pulled me up and started slapping me. and we got into a like 4 hour long argument and she kicked me out of the house. so i grabbed my backpack put in 2 shirts grabbed 6 dollars [ i remember really well cos it was really.. wowo] and i walked out the hose heading for jamies. im halfway down the street and she starts screamin at the top of her lungs for me to come back so i come back and she knocked my head on those blue things in front of my door and started screaming im challenging her. then my brother and his friends came home and she brought it to my room and did that coathanger thang.

what i was talkin` about in mooseys room cos i thot it was you. that dance when i gave brittany a ride. i was supposed to meet at my mom at the bottom [where the stone benches were ]of ochoa like i ALWAYS HAVE SiNCE THE 1ST 7GRADE DANCE. and she is f**kin senile and swore she told to meet me up in the front and i got in the car and she was screaming "isabella whats your problem balbal i told you to meet me in front you made me look stupid" and she punched me in the cheek and pulled my hair and then stopped cos brittany was in the back but best believe when we dropped brittany off, she stopped in front of the park and started just bringin` down her fists on me. for not f**king being in the front where she did not even tell me to go.

i cant help it if you think im getting hyphy sorry if you thank so but real talk thats how you act to me too. with your actual mean face and you just say things about me you dont know. like "im surprised your parents dont beat you" everyone thanks they dont cos i tell them nothing about it. i say the bruises are from random things or i just "got them" and i dont know what it is.those bruises are really just from my moms fingers holdin down my arms while she hits me. ive always had these bruises just never told nobody and when they did i'd blaim my clumsiness.

i dont know why im even telling you this. ive never told anyone this before. my brother hasnt hit me since that day in the car when he was smashing my head against the compartment between the seat, me and him dont fight no much no more. he just punches the walls when he gets mad at me, hence all the wholes in the wall.

we all have anger problems. and its my manic depressive disorder thats making me all mean and moody and shit. and today i was just out of it and feelin` like a bitch cos of kevin. hes not dead, it was another guy named kevin. hes okay. i feel hella better . thats why today i was like being all quiet and sad and just withdrawn.

yeah, well i thought i'd just explain to you cos you thought i never get hit. i used to get hit in public but my dad thought it looked bad so they confined it to the house walls. and im not even f**ked up to my parents. its just animosity from what they do to me. i try to hold my tongue but when i dont thats when i like give a bad ass attitude like you said.

but its whatever. just dont tell anyone about my parents i dont tell anyone they hit me i dont want anyone knowing that. i dont know how some people can be like "oh yeah i get beat all the time" i just usually stand there and dont say anything. cos im uncomfortable with saying how my parents are. just dont tell no one. dont let nobody see this, read this or whatever.

YOUR SO f**king iGNORANT, OPEN YOUR DAMN EYES AND SEE WHAT REALLY HAPPENS iN MY f**kin LiFE YOU BiTCH.

You-

I'm so sick of your crap. So I IMed you and told you. I yelled and cursed at you.. I needed to. Everyone is so sick of you and your lying crap. Get off your fat @s$ and get a life. Stop with the lies and the "internet boyfriends." No one's buying it anymore. We're all sick of you, so go away.

Kenny,
You seriously need therapy. Are you serious about marrying it? I'll just pretend that the game is a guy. So, you're gay?

Cheryl,
I like your new pics. Hot.

Person,
Stop treating me like shit. I ain't yo slave.

Jeff,
Where have you been today? I miss talking to you everyday.

Kelly: You're such a sweetheart. I love you tons and tons. We need to go on the phone and meet up very very soon because because .. well I want to.

Mr. Bestest Buddy: I actually didn't think you were going to ask me that. I didn't know what to say. I was completely speechless. Ahh what am I going to do with you. Is this going to hurt our friendship? The fact that you simply asked? Oh I hope not. This is badddd. Goodness. FDDSJG. Whatever.

Anthony: what's wrong?!? Ahhhh stop it. Tell meee

You can make me happy, you can make me so mad that I'd want to stab you to death. And well, so far you're making me mad. If I'm your so-called "best friend," why don't you ever have me over or anything? I mean gee are you still pissed over the whole 'Didnt take you to party' shit? well thought u got over it. but anyway, yea just barely keep in touch with me over the summer while u go to all these places with all those popular girls and shit. gee i even MISS you and i guess u dont care at all. you really piss me off. i thought we were your best friends yet we're the ones that see you the least during the summer.
whatever, youre bullshit.

bp:

today you reminded me you loved me. i think its been a year or more that youve been waiting and though you dont tell me all the time you do tell me occasionally. today you told me again. though its very wonderful to hear. and i love you too just not the same as you. and i think your just nearly perfect but i do love someone. very very much and even if he doesnt as much as i do. i do. and you do. and its great.

cdc:
i miss you. i keep listening to slow songs that make me weak. but its gone.

To life,
f**kin, I want to know why I can't pull away from the things I want to pull away from, they all just pull me back not giving me a chance to run. It's not fair, I don't want you, you and whats in you doesn't want me, why am I being pulled back? Everytime I try to move on from something it pulls me back, until I decide to kill.... Now you, yes I am referring to you, why? What is it? Why wont you ever let me move on from anything? You always want me to stay in a place where I ONCE felt comfortable, I no longer feel that way, which is why I always decide to move on, but for some reason... you don't let me.

You,

I'm giving this 'til three. After that, I'm f**king DONE with it.

EDIT: 1000th post. Wo0t.

----
I kinda miss you. Or the things we used to do. I don't know... one of those. It's been a long time since I saw you... I don't know if we would still feel the same. But who knows. I SURELY DON'T!

-----
Stop hiding :( I want to see you... haha. PLEEEEEASE! Blaurghhh... I still can't get you out of my head.

----
I don't know you very well but you sounded so broken up tonight. Hope you are able to figure everything out and be happier.

You and me will never work out, I dont want it to. I want to end things with you on good terms but I am still trying to figure out how.

Mom,

Gawd I don't know what to say to you. I can't believe you can be this insensitive. You know nothing that goes on in my life. I know I'm fat. I know I'm not beautiful. I know I'm not smart. But I'm trying. I really am. It doesn't help much that your own mother reminds you constantly that you're fat. It's just ugh how can you be so damn insensitive? Do you think I want to be this big? Do you think I like it when people whisper behind my back? Well I don't. I hate it. But there's nothing I can do about it. Coz this is me. It hurts to think that I can't share this with you but I can with someone I've just became friends with a few months ago.

Thanks mom. You've made life even worst for me.

dear seth,

8 more. Why haven't you called? i miss you.

Dear _______,

I still remember the first time i really noticed you.. Funky hair, soft eyes, dreamy stare.. You sat way behind me in class. I used to spin around to check the clock, and then steal a nonchalant glance at your perfect face. You always had that relaxed smile.. Every time i saw the dreamy look in your eyes, i was dead jealous.. because i knew it was there because of her. She who was, in your eyes, perfect.

For many nights, i would lie in bed and pray. I prayed you could somehow see how much i wanted you.. I prayed you would notice me like i noticed you.. I prayed you would acknowledge my existence like i did yours. I wished on every star that you would be mine. I guess the Almighty heard my pleads and decided to answer them, because sometime in March, you responded. I still remember our first serious online conversation was about exams. Then, you began to consult me when you had questions about her. Then problems. I loved how you were so honest and told me everything. Looking back, i can't believe i was heartless enough to feel glad when you told me about the break up. Selfish, huh?

It's been xx months since the day we started.. the day i turned from "that girl" to "his girl". <333

BMW-
Damn. I miss you so much. People don't realize that even when I have a crush on someone else that I'M NOT OVER YOU. I really don't wanna say this because I'm trying so hard to deny it but I fell for you harder than I did for T, I think. And that's REEALLLLYYY HARRDDD. I had a dream last night. We were in the lunch line, well I was, you weren't and you motioned for me to come over to you. I looked at you confused because why would YOU talk to ME after 4 months? Anyways, I walked over to you and you gave me a hug and smiled. I just smiled back. I don't remember what you said but it was understood that we had made up. We were friends again. Everything was perfect. I knew we weren't going to be "friends with benefits" anymore but friends was just DAMN PERFECT. And then I woke up. I'm going to New York for a long weeked in August. I think that I'm gonna call you and see if you wanna meet up althought I'm STRONGLY doubting it. You hate me. I love you.

Christine- Omg, I don't even know what to say. We were never really friends but.. I've known you my whole educated life. I am so sorry to hear what happend to your parents and even though we don't talk I am ALWAYS here for you. I'm praying for your mom and you and your sisters. Don't worry.. So many people are on your side.

Letter One to my boyfriend:
dear ______,

I'm sorry you're so far away in virgina, but I'm glad your coming home at the end of this week. and then two days later i'm off to scotland.

Other things:

1) I'm sorry someone put something in your drink. I thought you were gonna die and I was so scared!!!! I'm glad your okay now.
2) Someone's gonna get fired for that water fight at W and L university. I can't believe your dorm hallway had 2 inches of water on the floor. That reminds me of a dell commercial

Letter Two to my best guy friend, James:

COME BACK FROM JAPAN NOW!!! You've been GONEE WAY TOO LONG!!! GET YOUR BUTT BACK OVER HERE. Get it? Good.

Besides. I need you for my movies. GRRR. I wrote a book and the 2nd main character is basically based on you, and Grace knows it because she's obessed with it now and still haven't even touched it!!!!! ARGGG.

Letter Three to My ex-step-father:

Thank you for getting out of my life, finally. YOU RUDE MEAN AWFUL PERSON!!! I hate you forever for what you did to my mom--it is unforgiveable. And I'm glad your in california---several hundred miles away from me. Don't come back EVER.

To __________ :
Why didn't you come last night?? That is not a valid excuse. You could have made it there easily. I had to talk with your parents about you. That's not the way it was supposed to happen. I was looking so forward to it. When am I ever going to see you now? I can't help thinking that you didn't come because you didn't want to, even though you knew I was going to be there. Hmpf.

To __________ :
Can't wait to see you today. Hopefully, you won't make me nervous.


--Teesa

MAC. omg you're so unpredictable. one minute you're fine & the
next is just.. eh .. ahhhhhh whatever. do whatever you want;lol
i get mad at you too much.

ELMER. you're always idle. :| gosh, some boyfriend you were. lol
i'm kidding. but yeaaaah. it was nice hanging out with you for the
first time since we 'broke up' but whatever . . have a nice life.

RAY. having fun? hope you are.

SHEENA. don't get too tan in the philippines. don't worry about all
your boy problems, just have a safe nice great time. chillout, its
summertime.

bw:
i love you kiss me. now. and i think im going to faint.