HERO

A story of a boy with a cold hearted glare
A hero comes in times of deep despair

A heart of stone and a soul full of anger
Consumes a boy as if he were a mere stranger


They say the older the more wise
One can discover by the look in a person's eyes

But he is different his path he must chose
One will lead to victory the other path a battle he will lose

Could it be destiny or just mere fate
It all rest on his shoulders as he carries his weight

A hero indeed with so many decisions to make
However he is just a boy full of despise and hate

Is he full of virtue or a conjurer of woe
Is he a friend or is he a foe

He must learn who he is before he can decide
His fate awaits and he can not run or hide

He has many lessons ahead to understand
This is the journey of a boy as he becomes a man

THIS IS A PICTURE I DREW OF THE HERO. Its unfinished though

i like it.

very nice underlying idea.

one or two lines has a slight syllable intonation error... kinda messes up the flow,

but overall, it's great.

a poem isnt just about rhyme. you need to be able to see it as a whole. Like a picture or maybe even a picture of a puzzle. Not a puzzle of a picture. That's what happens with structured poems like this. They end up methodically mysterious with no trace to be found. It's all about how the evidence spreads out. Your case here has no leads. It leaves it plain. I see the idea, but it seems shallow. Which is one of the main things i hate about modern poetry. The guy who writes for disturbed, not sure if it's david draimon or not, is awesome. He draws a square and goes outside the lines and leaves half of the square blank. Oh, and beware of cliche rhymes. foe and woe are very common in early poetry. early as in beginner's poetry. Poetry isn't a path to a door, but a road leading forever onward.

^ I will keep that in mind