Apr 17 2005, 09:17 AM
I've asked many of my close friends about this, but I was wondering how feedback from cBers would look.
I am having a huge issue with my ex-boyfriend. If you could help, I would greatly appreciate it, but there is a long story tacked onto it.
When we first met we were both misfits in a world of conformists. I was Guamanian, and he Australian. We were both a long way from home and missing it sorely. It was almost natural that we grew to be so close so fast. I fell head-over-heels for him. Everything was fantastic for almost two years. Then he went away to college...
His first semester at Harvard was very hard for the two of us. Before leaving he had asked me to marry him while we sat in our favorite tree and stargazed. It was the question that, even at the tender age of 16, I wanted to hear from him. I said yes. After he left we decided we could see other people, so I kept the ring on a chain around my neck. After his first semester his grandfather died and he had to return to Australia, where he would remain for Lord knows how long.
I dated a bit...but not much. He, on the other hand, dated a lot. He's even slept around - quite a bit I might add.
We're no longer together, but I'm still in love with him. Very much so. He keeps calling, trying to stay friends. I would love to be able to do that, but it hurts so much!
Should I try to put the past behind me and maintain our friendship, or so I cut him out and move on?
Apr 17 2005, 09:23 AM
Well it depends. If he isnt really wanting to have a serious relationship with you then I say move on. Also if it hurts you too much for you guys just to stay friends, again I say move on. But you never know what the future holds...so its kinda of hard to wage what to do in these kinds of situations
Apr 17 2005, 10:30 AM
so y'all were married and now are divorced or he was your fiance(sp?) and now y'all are seperated. well, i think that y'all choosing to see other people was not the best choice. i think that whenever people do that, things can get weird...like in your case. you obviously loved him enough to not date around that much and not sleep around that much if at all. on the other hand, he dated alot and slept around alot. i think that y'all should just stay good friends.
Apr 17 2005, 11:08 AM
^He was her ex-fiance.
I feel your pain but I think its better to keep a friendship , dont talk for liek hours though just a few minutes , because you never know if he will ever come back into your life.
Apr 17 2005, 11:11 AM
It's harder to get over someone when you are still in love and know they have clearly moved on. I don't think you should cut all sommunication off with him, but the less communication, the easier and faster you'll get over him. Maybe when you feel like you've fully recovered your feelings, you can try talking to him regularly again. But maybe you should take a break for a bit.
Apr 17 2005, 12:11 PM
i'm having that same problem.. lover to friend. it's so hard.. i'm on my third day alone.. it bites. i love him.. he loves nme.. i guess just give it time?
Apr 17 2005, 03:38 PM
i don't think you should stop talking to him completely, you loved him and tried staying faithful, but he on the other hand just dated and slept around. i agree with frankie, allowing each other to date someone else wasn't a very good idea(temptation). just stay as friends, talk a little.
Apr 17 2005, 04:48 PM
You should maintain your friendship but try to forget ur past and just be friends. YOu should really put it that way if a guy like him forgets about the marry promise then you should forget the past and just be friends that is if you still enjoy talking to him....If it hurts that much maybe you should just try to forget about him
Apr 17 2005, 09:15 PM
yeah we have talked about this before, but yeah its a hard question to answer i know that. its so hard to give advice because i don't know what i'd do either, but i'll try my best. i think i'd stay friends but don't get too close to him, otherwise you'll never get over him.
remember i'm always here to talk to.
Apr 17 2005, 09:17 PM
The love of my life and I broke up and stayed friends. Then a year later we got back togehter again. heh. So, I dont know. I say if hes really worth it to you, dont lose him. I would rather be in love with someone I could never be with, but at least be friends with them, then lose them all together.
Apr 17 2005, 09:26 PM
you should probably just let this all go...it's one thing to be someone's fiance and be allowed to see other people, but it's entirely a different thing when you've proposed to a girl but you sleep around...
is this what you want? he made a committment to you by proposing...but when he's away he's sleeping around. what would happen if you two actually got married? he won't be able to be with you 24/7, he may have to travel alone and he'll probably sleep with other people then...the only thing different will be that you have a wedding band
just go cold turkey for awhile...most people never change, at most just stay friends, not close friends because you'll just want to be with him again...
just take the ring off the necklace and fed ex or UPS it back to him...
Apr 18 2005, 07:04 AM
maybe you should maintain a distance with him for now, especially if you're not ready for a steady friendship. then, maybe you'll become friends again.
Apr 18 2005, 02:24 PM
if u still feel that strongly about him then i suggest that u stop seeing him for a while n get over him bfore u be friend with him. u could let him know how ur feeling but thats up to u. how to deal with this reall y depends on u. if u can handle it or not.
Apr 18 2005, 04:07 PM
If you feel hurt by your friendship then move on...friends are there for you when you're down...or when you need them to be there....or they're just always there for you....but they're never there to be the cause of why you're hurt...
Apr 19 2005, 05:52 PM
I underatnd exactly how you feel.I mean I know what it feels like to loose the one person who you thought was the right one for you.But Id feel violated if he slept around and proposed to you.Personaly Id try to cut him out of my life and leave it behind as a memory of what couldve been but never did.Life has a lot of bumpy roads so my advice to you is forget about him and keep a look out for another.
Oh yeah CHAMORU PRIDE
x shootingstar x
Apr 19 2005, 06:05 PM
omg, that will hurt so much..
seeing is different from sleeping!! just like everybody said. there isn't much that we can do besides comfort. i'll just disconnect every communication from him because it will cause you more hurt. i will try to let everything go.
Think about it this way.. your love wasn't meant to be. It wasnt' strong enough. He didn't love you as much as you guys thought he did. If he had, then he would never slept with anyone. Be happy that you knew the truth before taking a serious commitment.
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