i HATE you

JEREMY! babe, before I leave, i decided to post one more time , and this one is all about you I will miss you this next week... You will be on my mind constently, and i will try to text or call you as often as i can. Don't worry, i will be safe. No sharks, icebergs, or island boys are gonna get me hehe. and i won't fall off the boat either! nonetheless please pray for me on my trip :) I know you will. ahh, i'm going to miss you so much. But i will be back in about a week I can't wait for you to get your valentines day present Hopefully you get it on friday or sat...Thank you so much for being there for me...I care for you so much, you know that. You have my heart I will be praying for you and missing you the whole time. I make it sound like i'll be gone for a month or somethan, lol but it does kinda feel that way. I'LL MISS YOU BABY!
*kiss* <3K8T

~This goes out to all~

Keep it real partner. Don't just start assumin shit, shit is gonna happen. Think what you want, wtf am I gon' do about it? Not my fault you think that way. I don't like drama so I stay to myself. Keep focused with myself and stay true to myself. f**k around with me I ain't gon' take that shit. I'm not the little punk-ass nerdy kid from back way in the 6th grade.... much more to say. I just don't know how...

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I'm sorry. You always think that I don't want to talk to you, but that's not it at all. I'm just very shy and it's easier if someone talks to me first. Maybe you are just making an excuse so you don't have to talk to me? I don't know, but sometimes that how it seems. Or you just want to get me mad. Either way, I do want to talk to you, but if you don't want me to I wont. Just let me know

- I miss you; actually, it's not-so-much you that I miss, but just being able to hang out with you. I remember back first semester, there was a period of time when all I looked forward to on some days was the walk home, because I walked home with you. It was some serious quality time, man. I mean, although we still talk all the time in English and Chem, it's never to the depth that we did when we were alone. I learned a lot about you on those walks. That's actually why I liked you for a bit, but it's over now. It was just a little crush for the hell of it. But I miss the way things were. I miss hanging out, going to grab pizza with some others, chilling at your house.. Those were the times, eh? Now you have tennis, and I have robotics. We don't have time to walk home with each other anymore. We don't have time for you to tutor me in chem anymore. We don't have time to even just simply.. talk anymore. We just don't have the time for each other. We can't make time for just a single friend. It's a shame, at least to me, that our friendship has devolved to such.

– We hang out with each other so damn much, sometimes I wonder. I see you three periods a day. I talk to you for about three hours straight. We do homework together. We talk about everything. We talk a little in between our other periods. We hang out sometimes. We used to drive around. You were one of the first people I met when I transferred over to MHS. You were one of the first to befriend me. We were English together back then, I remember. You sent me mixed signals, and I confronted you. Those feelings are gone now, but sometimes I still wonder.

– I've changed a lot since I broke up with you, and I know you can't tell. You're blinded; you just don't see it. You try so hard to get me back that you can't see it would never work. I can see it though; that's why I ended it to begin with. After seven months, you still don't learn. It's awkward between us. Go with Annie. She's a bit slow too, so you two have common ground. I can't take you anymore though; whenever you talk to me, I just want you to shut up. I never listen to you when you talk anymore. Never; it's just Latin to me. I barely understand you.

– You make me laugh so hard; I don't even know how or why. Just the little comments you make are hilarious. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. You probably think I'm not even sane, but despite that, I admire you. You're dedicated and smart as well as humorous and kind. It's rarely that I find someone that's nice cool. And so when I do tell you that you're awesome, I mean, seriously. Mostly I tell that to mean mofos like me, but you're really something. Something awesome, man. Don't change; it'd kill me.

– I hate you. Don't fucking talk to me. I'm not as deaf as you are. I'm not as ugly as you are. I'm not as daft as you are. I'm not as pathetic as you are. You want to go ogle at that girl on myspace? Go right on ahead. Sure, I have her friended and I think she's hot, but that doesn't mean I'm going to go stare at her pictures for hours on end. Especially not at robotics either. You want get horny and jerk off to her pictures, do it at home. Don't tell me what kind of people I should search for on myspace either. You want to do that, go get your own fucking myspace account, dipshit.

Dear "Mr. handsome",
You seem like I mean nothing to you. People keep telling me that you like me. I like you too, but you just don't care. I told you how I felt about you and you seemed like I never told you anything. How can you like me? I don't even exist in your "world". I asked you to come to the movies with me for my birthday and you said "No". This is just confusing me. Right now, I don't even care abotu what you think because I am soooo mad at you. This is confusing.
The Girl That Doesn't Matter To you,
Kelly.

Oh, how I long to be in your arms..

.. just the same thing i was gonna say especially this part: "I try to make myself not like you"

you're cute. will you go out with me? tehehehehehe.

i was afraid this was going to happen, but i think i am in love with you. you are all i think about and all i want to do is talk to you and be with you. when i can't talk to you, you are all i think about. i hope everything you tell me is true and that you're not just messing with my emotions, because that would just kill me.

I can't really begin to express what I feel about you; it's a bit ambivalent, really. I don't know what I'm supposed to feel either, so that doesn't help much. We grew close over the last few months of last year. And then things fell apart. I can't say whose fault it was, simply because I don't know, but now it's just strange. After that call, I waited for you to apologize first; I'd always seemed to be the one giving in before that. But I refused to this time; I even made a pact with Jenn.. In the end, I went back on my word.

Before winter break, I remember looking forward to going home so I could talk to you. That's all I really wanted back then. I was stoked when I got your letter; I felt truly loved, which doesn't happen that often anymore. I woke up early for you so I could call you and talk. I wrote letters to you. ..I was sprung.

Now, I just don't know. For a month, I waited for you to talk to me.. I waited for you to call me. Nothing. I tried to get over you; of course, I failed. I just don't easily fall this hard for someone; it's not just a little crush I can get over in a week. It's much more. You know how much you meant to me. You proceeded to completely use my heart as a cutting board.

This week, I haven't been getting much sleep. Three out of five days, I went to bed late because of homework and woke up early to talk to you. I called you one morning, but you were asleep and wouldn't wake up to talk to me. I cried. I felt like shit. That day, I felt utterly insignificant. When I IM you, you nearly always log off on me. When we do talk, you never say goodnight to me or even goodbye before you log off; I'm always left dangling in the middle of the conversation. I leave those windows open until I turn off the computer. It hurts knowing that I mean nothing to you.

I know it's a bit cliché.. but forgive me when I say this because I now know what it feels like: a part of me has died. I feel empty without you. I feel this constant want for something, and when I try to remember what it is, I think of you. Do you know how often I think about you each day? How much I wonder about "us"? Is there an "us" at all? Will there ever be? I poured my heart out to you in the letter I sent you, I don't know if you can tell. But that's pure passion on those sheets of paper.. pure emotion. What to do about our situation? I still haven't heard back from you. Will I ever..? I'm beginning to lose hope..

Little things you do, though, little things, give me some hope. But this newfound hope baffles me. Am I supposed to believe that you want me? Am I supposed to disregard what you say? I'm getting mixed signals, and I don't know what to believe anymore. I've figured out that I put much more into this.. whatever it is we have.. than I should. I put more effort and emotion into loving you than you probably deserve. Because I'd always been led to believe that true love was unconditional. It's supposed to be. I know it is. So I suppose it was a lie then, "I really love you." I remember it clearly, even if I don't have the logs to back it up. I remember what you said. It just makes it hurt that much more.

Nick Chu, waccoon, intrigue, whoever you are, I love you. I want you to know that I'm still waiting for you. I'm still here.

I had a dream about you.

DAAAAAAAAAMN YOU'RE SOOOOOOOOOO HOTTTTTTT.

K.T.

I love you, and I always will.
I'll never forget you. Both the day I met you, and the day I really meet you. (I better!) x3 =]

OMFG you are so annoying. STOP FCUKING TRYING TO BE LIKE ME. You don't understand how bad I want to freaking tell you off right now. You have no clue how stupid you act. All you do is try to be like me & I'm not even trying to be concieted. It's just the freaking truth. You even freaking look like me now to the point that people say we look exactly alike. Why is this? BECAUSE YOU GOT THE SAME DAMN HAIRCUT AS ME RIGHT AFTER I EFFING GOT IT. How effing pathetic are you? YOU WEAR MY CLOTHES. YOU HAVE THE SAME BACKPACK. YOU SAY THE SAME THINGS. YOU MADE YOUR S/N LIKE MINE. OMG JUST STOP. Let me be ME, not YOU be me. My God. I know if anything I should be flattered but what the hell? You are trying to take my identity and there is nothing flattering about that. And now you want to pull some bullshit saying you want something because you absolutely need it. BULL FREAKING SHIT. You know you don't need it. You just wanted it RIGHT after I got it. And now you are effing complaining to me about how poor you are and you know you AREN'T so SHUT UP ALREADY. And all you do is complain but guess what? YOU AREN'T THE ONLY ONE WITH PROBLEMS. I have shit going on too and when I tell you, you completely disregard it. And now you want to be all pissed with me, but I couldn't care less. Be pissed at me. I know I'm a bitch and rebuked you and you couldn't stand up for yourself, but I'm sick of it. I want to yell at you so badly but you already are feeling bad and I don't want to make you feel worse. But seriously, just STOP. It's so freaking annoying. You are exactly like me and I want to get a chance to be ME before YOU do. Just stop, please, stop.

Hey butter ! *butter is an alias for all you slow ppl*

Aren't the stare games fun? I look at you, you look away. You look at me, I look away. Just like that. But I really don't appreciate what my friends said you did at the dance. You went and battled *maturely* with this girl didn't you? Didn't you!! Well , eff that! I just want you to know the stares will stop so don't you dare expect a stare from me! You don't deserve a stare any longer! I'll be stareless. Before I ever met you, I thought all these crazy things were gonna happen. But, you're my sanctuary. Or you WERE. If you know who you are, you'll probably just start laughing or crack jokes out. Or maybe you won't. Maybe you'll tell me you feel the same way. And you'll change your ways. For me. I see something in you that makes me just wanna go ...

i love u. im sorry i wouldnt tell u =[. it's been a while now, since last year. i've got no courage whatsoever. im not brave. thankyou for accepting my valentine's day chocolate today x]. u looked really cute. my friends all like u, i know they do. at least lots of people in our grade do now. but i think we're closer.. and we're more than what u are with them, are we? remember when we used to talk on the phone everyday? what happened there? why are u suddenly always busy? omggg u're so hawt x]. esp. when u played bball that day and i watched u. hawwttt x]. no matter how my *used-to-like-u* friends call u ugly n stuff now.. u're always the shexiest guy in my heart.. ok? but.. i really cant tell u. not now. i hope u like me though x], i've liked u long enough lol. not planning to like someone else either. so.. just... whenever u feel bad or whatever, i'll always be here for u to talk to. okay? i love you.. c u tmr. bye.

You doesn't know how much l love you, you doesn't know how much l care. l'm always been here but you've been so blind to see me. You always care for him but what about me? You dont see how it hurts me everytime you go to him. How he makes you happy and how much you care for him. Why cant you see me everytime his near, why???

how many times do l have to cry for you, how many times to l have to please you.
l'm broken, you know that. Because of you l've been broken one again. l'm l always be like this.

You doesn't know how much it hurts me to see you cry because of him. How my heart shattered to pieces. l love you and l always do but do dont see it.

l was sitting in passilio alone when you came out of no where. l was in looking at the lovers passing by. imagening that we might be like that in the future, you and me, loving each other. l was in that possition when you put your hands in my shoulder bringing me back to the real world. As l look at you, you said that l should not mind her, that she loves me too. l smiled back at you. l dont realize that you love me too even if you dont mean it. the thought of it makes me happy for a while.

No words can express how much l love!!!

________________________________________________________________________________
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l just pass by to let these pain out of my cheast. You dont mind if drop by right?

________________________________________________________________________________
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You always sing this song. l keep hoping that its for me and not for him.

Let me sing with you.



I was kinda hesitant to tell you
Should I let you know
I was never really like this before
Need I say more

Or maybe I'm confused when you are near me
I don't know what to do or I should be
There's only one thing in my mind
That's you and me

CHORUS
I'm a little bit of crazy
I'm a little bit of a fool
I'm a little bit of lonely
I'm a little bit of all
Oh, I need a cure
Just a little bit of you
And I will fall


I'm always on the run to see you
Would you allow me to
It wasn't my intention to hurt you
This feeling is true

Or maybe I'm confused when you are near me
I don't know what to do or I should be
There's only one thing in my mind
That's you and me

CHORUS
I'm a little bit of crazy
I'm a little bit of a fool
I'm a little bit of lonely
I'm a little bit of all
Oh, I need a cure
Just a little bit of you
And I will fall




l love you Ayen, with all my

i can't wait for your birthday! haha. =x i hope you don't know what i'm going to get you~ =X

__________- if you really understood me, then you'd see these scars interlacing eachother on my wrists.

__________- i debated with myself over telling you my feelings on vday (today) but i chose not to. i cant trust these rumors, even though your closest friends think that they're real. you didnt tell them if you liked someone, it was purely their speculation. but still...being the cynical girl that i am, i cant trust them. and i'm scared. i'm scared that if i tell you, i'll ruin our friendship. the friendship we have, is special. or so i believe. you were there for me in some of my hardest times in my junior year so far. we bitched about things together, we played badminton together. and the chao shou mien. could you even call that a date? i'd say, both yes and no. i'm trying to get over you. to get on with my life. i know i only met you this year, but i've fallen hard. people tell me that you do like me by the way you look at me. but for me? i dont see anything different. i'm sorry for being such a pessimist. maybe if i believed them, there'd be an "us" today.

To that *someone*
Can u just please please please how do you really feel about me? I'm tired of guessing. Even if u tell me the answer that i hate to know, I just want to know so i can move on. I feel all weird being close to u. Sometimes u just talk to me, sometimes u simply ignore me. U make me feel like that u care, u make me laugh too. but when I see u in the hallway, u never say hi. In English, we are like... strangers. I caught u staring at me a few times. In Science, ur like a different person, u talk to me, flirt and make jokes. Maybe I don't LOVE u, but i certainly do like u. I feel really sad today... it v-day, and u don't even bothered talking to me or even saying hi. Guys are complicated. I just don't get it. Do u like me, or not? If u don't, please don't lead me on.


it feels alot better getting it off my chest! :)

to y:
well i was a tad disappointed you didn't do it on your own...but the look on your face when i saw you after school made me feel so much better. and what you did after. its funny how the littlest things you do make me so happy...

to c:
i was disappointed you were late...but when you arrived, that didn't matter. thank you so much. i don't think you realize how much it means to me that you came. i love you so, so much.

I wasn't able to do what I wanted today, Troy. I was finally going to tell you too...

OMG! I'm so pissed with you! You finally get a bf this year and you all of a sudden think you're the prettiest person in the world and that everyone wants to go with you. Then you broke up w/ your first bf and our friend asked you out the same day and you said yah! HELLO?! YOU ARE ONLY GOING OUT W/ HIM BECAUSE HE ASKED YOU OUT! I'm getting so mad with you two! I just want to say to you "please break up with him" you're only going to hurt him if you don't like him like that!! URGH

D-
EVERYDAY your name pops into my head. I feel like I can't have a single day, let alone a week without you haunting me. WHY? Is there a reason why? It's been almost a year since we said our goodbyes, and I know there is still left to conquer between us. I can feel it. Do I still love you? Of course. Always and forever. Could we ever be together again? Possibly, but you know as well as I do that there must be a lot of growing up between us before any of that happens again. I want to finish college, you want to join the air force (or maybe the marines .. dont know these days). I want to have my own apartment before I move in with anyone, and I most definitly am NOT ready for marriage. I am only 21 ... marriage is light years ahead of me right now. I wish I could just touch your face again and tell you everything that I feel right now. I wish that I could call you and hear your voice. I sometimes wish you were mine again ... if not that, I wish you were still in my life. Would our lives be different if we never became a couple? Would you ever said those accusations about Jason? Would we all still be friends? A lot of would yous and what ifs go through my head, and I really can't sleep until I talk to you. And since I really can't do that for now ... this is the next best thing.
I love you ....


J-
Who would've thought that my ex boyfriends best friend can have such an impact on my heart. I haven't seen you since I last saw him, but your face and that smile .... man, I can picture you as if I saw you moments ago. When I first saw you, I feel for you. Right then and there. But, unfort. I was with your best friend ANND you were with someone. But, I felt something. Didn't you? Wasn't there something there? If not, why would you call me when you knew I was coming into town and he wasn't with me quite yet? Why would you always come and protect me when you knew I needed someone the most, and the one person who was suppose to protect me ... wasn't? I miss you. There, I said it. I wish I could see you again. Whenever I go back into town, I always wish that maybe I'll bump into you .. hopefully when he isn't with you, but either way will work. Would you be surprised? Happy? Sad? No emotion? I'll always wonder until I finally see you.


M-
You changed my life, you really did. You made me realize (whether it was intentional or not) that I didn't need him in my life, I needed me. I needed to find out what I wanted in my life and why I needed it so badly. I owe so much to you, but I guess you'll never know. You are always disappearing from me. Whenever I see you, you send my heart into loops and afterwards, it's always seeking for you again. Why? Yea, you are attractive (it's those glasses) but do you find me attractive? Yea, probably ... but not the attractive I find you. More like ... friendly or maybe even sisterly attractive (not cool). My one selfish dream that I have is to find you ... wherever you'll be and regardless where you are, who you are with and what you are doing, and I will kiss you. And that'll be it. That will express my every feeling and thought for you. And, if after that you don't see that .. than at least I know that I got that out in the open and I can finally move on. Either way, I'll never forget you. Thank you.

You're on the top of my list, and I'm not even on yours.

To that person again:
i hated it when you and your friend bothered me....but when you stopped i loved it....i wish you would do it again....you use to talk to me alot...but now it is fading away...the more we fade, teh more i want you

You all are f**king bullshit. Don't f**king say shit when you don't even know what the f**k is going on or I swear to God I'll come find you and f**king hurt you. I'm sick of all the bullshit you've got to say when you don't even know the whole f**king story. So shut up. And yes, I am a bitch but I've said this repeatedly so how is it supposed to be an insult when you call me it? dumbf**k. If you were smart you would call me something else. Assholes. Go die, kthx.

[EDIT]
Oh my freaking God. STOP! I'm serious. Just shut the f**k up and stop your bitching about shit. You don't even understand what's going on or anything. Stop being so damn ignorant and seriously shut the f**k up. Why are there so many dumbshits like you in the world?!
[/EDIT]

i don't know what to say.

how long has it been?

almost x years.

too many memories to count.

eventually it had to end.

yet I ask myself, "Why now?"

over and over again, you're lies run though my head.

unforgiving I will always be.

sad and defeated.

torn and jaded.

everything bad.

pretty pathetic.

hoping and wishing for your return.

escape is all i ask for.

never will i look back once i get away.

oh but i love you

To the new guy at school-

Well look at this. Another cray-ass kid trying to be on top. That's not how it works. You want some recognition you earn it. You want the guy to be cool you do something about it. Just because your new it doesn't mean people are gonna be like hes new he might be cool and shit like that. Not around here anyway. Tommorow... I will teach you the ways, of Elmo High (Yeah thats right Elmo High >;] )

Im so glad to have you as my best friends.

audrey-my robot buddy i known you since kindergarten! We will be kickin it when we get to 50
j-you have helped me from going crazy this past year. you are the best freshman out there right now. well at least to me
stina-im so glad we are buddies. you me and audrey


all three of us will be kicking it with the kangaroos...lol

i still love you...

how can i love you both oh so much?
its so wrong yet feels so right. BLAH.

im so confused.. its hard to explain...it just ...like....*sigh*

I love you so much. I hate our fights- they're so meaningless, and it's just basically me getting really emotional and moody and bleh. I know you love me too, and I'm glad we can work it out each time. I really do believe that we are meant for each other, and that we're in this together, forever. <3

i hate math so much....its killing me...literally.

Forget it. I don't even exist to you. It's over.

even after what happened in the past. we are always friends first. hope you know that.

- - - - - - - - -

i hate how my heart is feeling so valunerable.. since the pain of you cracking it, has caused it to be so fragile. i feel like if a guy just gives me the attention i need i might start liking them... cant believe what you have done to me.

haha.. i made you stay up on the internet til 3am. i am oh-so-evil.. today, i made you stay up til 12 am.. but it's a school day.. ugh.. =x im gonna do so bad on my test t.t -sigh- realizing your too smart for me makes me oh-so-sad.. but hey, i jacked your picture =x don't you feel glad? =)

why. just ugh...why. our first fight in our friendship. but i wish that it were more than friendship. i guess, both of us are just plain stubborn, but i know i'm right, but i know you're right too. this argument, it was on two different levels. you were talking about one thing, and i was talking about another. yet, i guess, at that moment, we just didnt seem to understand that it was two different aspects, two completely different things. i regret arguing with you, i'm sorry for having such a bad temper, but i'm not sorry because i know that i was right too. i hope our friendship doesnt end like this, cuz i love you...or i think i do.

[[To that fcuked up someone]]
I fcuking HATE you ... You think we are best friends ... in your a**w*ping dreams okay?! I am SICK of you being so freakin stuck up . You're so popular because the people in our school are too stupid to see right through you! You think you can get all the guys?!?! You're a sh*t-sucking playgirl. Just fcuking admit it you fat*ss. You so fcuking FAT i don't even know where to start. How the hell do the guys stick with you? There's only 5% of the population that hasn't been manipulated by you. STOP flirting with MY boyfriend. I know you think that he's best friends with you .. and i know you think that he likes you. Fcuk up! Go flirt with your own dog. Go masturbate ... do whatever the hell you want. Just ... STAY AWAY FROM ME. I don't trust you anymore. I can't believe how low i sunk by hanging out with you and your "posse". Fcuk this. I'm out. Go find yourself someone who CAN stand that b*tchy personality of yours. One day.. you will find that you are WEAK against me. You can fight with me ... i know you have all that back up ... but i can win anyways. I hate you ... You two-faced, bullsh*tting, daughter of a b*stard. D*mn you to the deepest fcuking pit of h*ll. ...

Sorry about all the profanity.

to you:

i love you. i can't truly tell you...and that crushes me. i want to.

i should really tell you about him, but i don't want to. i know you still love me, and i still care about you. i wish that this was easier, but i just can't hurt you again...i really like this new guy, he is good for me and he treats me right. i'm starting to fall for him more and more each day...i still think about you all the time, i can't help it...you were my first true love and now that i'm gone i just can't tell you that i've moved on. i want you to move on, but not onto april. i don't know her, but shes a slut =)

To Jay-

Miss me while I was gone? Long time no see, now im back on my feet. Right back on the streets. Any idiot can see you shoulda left it alone. People like you I guess have a tendency to mimc G's. I guess its just their way to tell me that their missin' me. Well guess what, its only been 2 days :] so now its time to welcome back the bitch that made you who you are. Wtf do you think your doing anyway? Attackin' my friends? attackin the people I most care about while im gone? I'm back, don't know what your thinking but do anything again i'm gonna come after your "lucky charms" lil' flip rip off shit so let it be known.

I'm in class now.. You're probably at home, playing video games or whatever... about 70 miles away.. Are you talking to her right now? Did you talk to her for hours after you told me we shouldn't talk every day of the week...? No, I'm just overreacting. Everytime I talk to you, I know you could never think of her that way again, at least until she "grew up"... But I don't know if you're still IN LOVE with me.. and to be honest, I don't know if I'm still IN LOVE with you.. Or maybe it's just cooling down. All I know is, I don't want to lose you.. I love the way you hold me, and the way you touch my cheek... and kiss me. *Blush* But I don't think about you as often as I did...

Does that mean we're not that far from over? Did my expectations run too far... for us?

do you like me or not? because if you don't, stop giving me hints and making me hopeful. and if you do, just tell me already or i will explode with curiosity.

you say that you're all sad a sh!t but are you really? i see you at school all happy and crap wth is wrong with you? is your goal in life to make me feel so guilty that i freaking die? god, whatever im not gonna spend tme on this just ferk you.


and another one

do you like me or not? sometimes its like we can really bond and be able to talk then other times its like you freaking hate me. and at school we never even talk. to tell you the truth i actually used to like you but you started to seem really hateful towards me so i just stopped. and i think by showing that i sorta liked you and that stupid girl who i told kept and making it so damn obvious it sorta drove you away. but during that time that i liked you, there were weird times too that seemed like you like me. you're so weird i dont know what else to say about you. but for the recond i currently dont like you.

glad to get that off my chest.

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hope you die a horrible, painful death. You are so stupid. How could you do that? Don't you think before you act? Obviously not. Stupid, stupid person. You need to get your act together or your whole life will be f**ked up from here on out.

It's so hard to pretend I don't feel anything.

There really isn't anything I need to tell you, but this:



- Jose

to you...again.

godammit. stop being so...perfect.