~WiNTER~
The heat slowly dies down
As spine chilling air approaches.
Little kids look out their windows
And see the leaves they formerly loved
Fall and demise.
The once full and fragrant flower trees
Are now occupied by transparent lifeless imposters.
When the wind hits the naked tree branches just right,
It screeches 'Winter is Here'
Water is trapped in itself
Frozen to the surface,
Waiting to be broken
so it can elude.
When stepped on just right,
It shrieks 'Winter is Here'
Tempting creamcolored mounds
Spread raggedly down the horizon.
Vivid traces of foot prints
Perfectly scattered along the pure whiteness.
When stepped in just right,
It mutters 'Winter is Here'
Roads drenched in fog;
Blurry silhouettes everywhere.
Clouds building overhead
Darkening the scene.
When listened to just right,
It roars 'Winter is Here'
The blistering cold slowly dies down
As a warmer air comes amidst.
Trees regain their stereotypical beauty
And townsfolk come out of their cottages in awe
To watch winter move on.
Children dance around and take in the last bits of snow
Before it evaporates.
When watched just right,
It shows Winter is gone...
Full Version: ~WiNTER~
wow great job! the poem is a little bit choppy, but i understand that because you didn't make it to rhyme...but what i meant by choppy is that you went on 2 different ideas and they didn't blend well....example:
I thought that was amazing what you wrote...you really know how to capture a reader and you used a great choice of words and put them together beautifully...
these 2 verses were really good, but it kind of took away from those other verses that you wrote..the only thing that really connected them was "winter is here"..try to connect it more, or make it into 2 seperate poems
I hope you didn't get offended with me commenting on this, but really...great job! keep it up! you've got talent
QUOTE
Water is trapped in itself
Frozen to the surface,
Waiting to be broken
so it can elude.
When stepped on just right,
It shrieks 'Winter is Here'
Tempting creamcolored mounds
Spread raggedly down the horizon.
Vivid traces of foot prints
Perfectly scattered along the pure whiteness.
When stepped in just right,
It mutters 'Winter is Here'
Roads drenched in fog;
Blurry silhouettes everywhere.
Clouds building overhead
Darkening the scene.
When listened to just right,
It roars 'Winter is Here'
Frozen to the surface,
Waiting to be broken
so it can elude.
When stepped on just right,
It shrieks 'Winter is Here'
Tempting creamcolored mounds
Spread raggedly down the horizon.
Vivid traces of foot prints
Perfectly scattered along the pure whiteness.
When stepped in just right,
It mutters 'Winter is Here'
Roads drenched in fog;
Blurry silhouettes everywhere.
Clouds building overhead
Darkening the scene.
When listened to just right,
It roars 'Winter is Here'
I thought that was amazing what you wrote...you really know how to capture a reader and you used a great choice of words and put them together beautifully...
QUOTE
The heat slowly dies down
As spine chilling air approaches.
Little kids look out their windows
And see the leaves they formerly loved
Fall and demise.
The once full and fragrant flower trees
Are now occupied by transparent lifeless imposters.
When the wind hits the naked tree branches just right,
It screeches 'Winter is Here'
.........................
The blistering cold slowly dies down
As a warmer air comes amidst.
Trees regain their stereotypical beauty
And townsfolk come out of their cottages in awe
To watch winter move on.
Children dance around and take in the last bits of snow
Before it evaporates.
When watched just right,
It shows Winter is gone...
As spine chilling air approaches.
Little kids look out their windows
And see the leaves they formerly loved
Fall and demise.
The once full and fragrant flower trees
Are now occupied by transparent lifeless imposters.
When the wind hits the naked tree branches just right,
It screeches 'Winter is Here'
.........................
The blistering cold slowly dies down
As a warmer air comes amidst.
Trees regain their stereotypical beauty
And townsfolk come out of their cottages in awe
To watch winter move on.
Children dance around and take in the last bits of snow
Before it evaporates.
When watched just right,
It shows Winter is gone...
these 2 verses were really good, but it kind of took away from those other verses that you wrote..the only thing that really connected them was "winter is here"..try to connect it more, or make it into 2 seperate poems
I hope you didn't get offended with me commenting on this, but really...great job! keep it up! you've got talent
wow, thank you! No I am not offended. I try to take tips/critisism better because 1) people respond better to it and 2) It doesn't get me anywhere but sorry for myself ^___^
although I do not see how the first and last paragraph make it choppy. the 1st is talking about winter coming and trees changing and the last is talking about how it leaves.... but , okay. i do hope you will elaborate on that statement for me =)
although I do not see how the first and last paragraph make it choppy. the 1st is talking about winter coming and trees changing and the last is talking about how it leaves.... but , okay. i do hope you will elaborate on that statement for me =)
sounds quite good. and katie took care of all the detailed analysis haha but yeah i like it. great word usage.
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