this is my first poem that i wrote and i really would appreciate some cricism (sp?) so i can maybe make it better.

Emptiness
The darkness consumes until I’m nothing
Numb so I can no longer feel
I sit back and watch
Others live their lives
Like a movie
That I was never in
I sit and watch everyone else live
And criticize their life and their choices
And how their hypocrisy
Lives in everyone
Even me
I want to feel again
And not be numb any more
I don’t want to be like any one else
But I want to feel
Like every one else

I got it.


Congratulations.

Awesome, that's really good for a first poem. I really liked the end.

I sit and watch everyone else live
And criticize their life and their choices
And how their hypocrisy
Lives in everyone
Even me
I want to feel again
And not be numb any more
I don’t want to be like any one else
But I want to feel
Like every one else


great job! keep writing please! keep expanding on what you have written, and don't be afraid to post more stuff, i really enjoyed it

thanx so much for the advice, i think i will keep writing.