As some of you may know, I have a 4 yr old daughter (Geena, look at sig for pictures) and if you read this post I made a while ago you already know about my ex boyfriend, Tom.

I couldn't really get advice from my friends, because they got really weird on the subject and weren't much help, but I figured since you guys don't really know me, it'd be easier for you to say what you think.

I followed your responses about my problem with Tom (I left him), and ever since then, now he wants to see his daughter, Geena. I'm really scared to see him again, because every time we do talk it turns into an arguement and I end up crying and Tom manages to revert back to his old self and he hits me.

A week ago, Geena asked me "Why does Daddy hurt you?" and I really didn't know what to say.

I don't want Geena to see this stuff, especially at such a young age, but last night Tom and I got into a fight on the phone, and he thinks he should see his daughter. (BTW he's 24).

Of course I don't trust him and Geena alone, I'm afraid he'll hurt her, but I don't want to see Tom again.

Do you think he has a right to see his daughter? I mean, he did pay for a lot of her necessities when I was pregnant and when she was just born...

Sorry if this is too long. I just wanted an opinion/some advice.

EDIT // I didn't think this should be in relationships, since it's about Geena's sake.

No, he has no right to see his daughter if he beats you. Do you have full custody of her? If you don't, go to court and state that he beats you and that if Geena were to stay with him for a few days that wouldn't be a fit environment for her. As to what sweetreat91 stated about it being hard for a child to grow up without a father, well look at it this way, it is even harder to grow up seeing a father hit his/her mother.

first of all, i think you are an extremely brave person for having put up with Tom. i dont really know him so i cant make judgements, but i think it was good that you left him.

as for your daughter, (she is ADORABLE by the way ) what does she think about her dad? that would depend on how much you told her. i agree though, that she should not be exposed to that stuff. if Tom is as hurtful as he seems, perhaps it is best that he keeps his distance. although, he did help by paying for her necessities. ask yourself this.. DOES HE REALLY LOVE GEENA? maybe you should allow him to see her, little by little, and if things get way out of hand, maybe you should involve the court. nothing huge, just to be safe.

remember, to the world, you are one person. to one person, you can be the world.

GOOD LUCK

Ask your daughter. It may seem silly, but children are smarter than most think. And she should have some say in wether or not she wants to see someone who hurts her mother.

And.. you could always take him to court if violence continues, right?

Thank goodness you got out of that relationship.

I personally don't think you should let him see her. He hurts you psychically, what kind of man does that ? I think you should not see him again untill he agrees to change. Untill he starts to respect you then you should let him see your daughter. This situation is difficult. I'm sure if the military knew he hit you he could get kicked out but since you aren't married then I'm sure they would have him take an anger management class or therapy of some sort.

Good Luck.. I hope my imput helped at least a little. <3Lilly

I completely agree with that.

ur daughter is adorable!

yes, bak to the point, ask geena is she wants to see her father. is she does, let her see him. but, remember to bring along a friend if you're too insecure. its better that way. and make sure you've told somebody that he's hitting you.

p/s; i think you are a very brave person and very strong. remember, anything can happen if you believe in it.

<33 sarah

yea go to court

i grew up watching my father continuously hit and abuse my mother. it left me traumatized...i suggest getting a restraining order, or request for supervised visitation (someone will watch geena and her father to make sure nothing happens. btw, i can't get over how cute she is! but don't ever let her get caught between the physical abuse. this coming from a person who suffered it for 10 years..

well i guess i basically agree with everyone else. except that he should be able to see her but only supervised visits. otherwise, i think that you should try to go to court and get full custody of her so that way you won't risk him ever hurting her like he hurts you. also, like someone else said, maybe a restraining order or something like that, that way he won't be able to contact you anymore.

i dont think she should see him especially since it hurts her to see you get beaten. can't you go to court to settle this somehow?

i think he has no right to see his daughter. i think you should go to court & tell them that you should get full custody of your daughter(if you already have then forget this) & tell the court, about how he beats you & say, that i'm afraid that if my daughter goes, he will beat her. your daughter is so cutee. hope things get better for you. keep your head up high.

i think he has no right to see his daughter. i think you should go to court & tell them that you should get full custody of your daughter(if you already have then forget this) & tell the court, about how he beats you & say, that i'm afraid that if my daughter goes, he will beat her. your daughter is so cutee. hope things get better for you. keep your head up high.

He is the father of your daughter and he has the right to see her. But at the same time, it seems like he doesn't care much about what hitting you and arguing does to the little girl. I think you should let him see her for a while but make sure he is never alone with the child.

By the way, Geena is adorable.

No, I don't think he has a right to see your daughter. I'm sure you love your daughter, and you don't want her to get hurt. He's hurt you before, and he could do it to your daughter. You could let your daughter talk on the phone with him. If that helps...

Like everyone else I dont not think he should she your daughter(who is beautiful) because you do not want to risk him hurting her. Maybe supervised visits because a little girl needs a father. But if thats something that still would not be safe or healthy for her then it would be better for her to not see him at all. If things get too much for you maybe you should take it to court.

OmG GurL!! block his Number OR change ur phone number plus u should get him kiked off da milatary haah jus ignore him and i dont think he should c ur doughter..

Aw. im so sorry to hear about that.

Tom has no right to see Geena (who is so CUTE!). I wouldnt trust them alone either. Your a mother, you should follow your motherly instincts about visitation rights and contact with your daughter. If Tom continues to dispute over it, tell him if he wants to talk about it take you to court. (#1, he wouldnt take you to court in fear of getting arrested for beating you. #2 if he did he would loose because he beat you). You might also need to get a perminant restraining order which lasts 5 years. Those come in handy. So if he comes near you or calls or stalks you or whatever just call the police and he's in jail.


I hope i helped hun, and good luck.

Same thing happened with my sister and I. We had to deal with mental abuse as well as having to watch our mother be physically abused by our father for 19 years. My mother got a restraining order against him and I suggest you do the same thing. Go to the courts and tell them that you fear the life of yourself as well as the safety of your child. They do not mess around with that type of stuff.

Good luck I hope everything works out for you both!

And your daughter is absolutley beautiful btw

since he is the father, he sorta has the right to see his daughter but since he's abusive, he really doesn't deserve it. if you really are stuck between on what to do, the best thing is to get supervised visits.

has he ever hit her??.. that's a big question too...

Bring your mother to see him at his hoouse he cant do anything with ur daughter and mother there. and also if he hits you call police dats abuse.

He has a RIGHT to see his daughter, unless you go to court.
But if you were in his position, wouldn't you want to SEE your DAUGHTER?
Maybe it could be supervised, or something.
But he's a real ass if he would hit you in front of his own daughter. Just shows how much he cares about how she grows up.

i only read your post in your other thread...(no offense but i don't like to read long threads) yes, take him to court, your daughter (i love her eyes) shouldn't be exposed to this, any kind of abuse will hurt you mentally, you don't have to see him but like what other people have said, allow supervised visits, some else can supervise...good luck

please update us on what happens...

he has the right, but I would rather go through the courts and get monitored visiting, esp. with the past history of violence.

Feel better love.

Wow if your boyfriend beats you up. I don't think you ever want to send your daughter to him even though he paid a lot. In that kind of problems, you do not want to let your daughter see him. He should change into a better new guy with a new personality instead of hitting you like that or beating you!! That's a bad thing --- of course it is. If I was like you and if I had a boyfriend like that. I would be worried and scared. You don't need to do this and this is my opinion. If I were you, I would runaway with my daughter AWAY from my boyfriend. Who knows? He might take my daughter away from me and beat her up just like he did to me. I don't want to let that happen. So I runaway from him. A guy like him shouldn't see his own daughter. So yeah I hope this helps. By the way you have a very cute daughter. You don't want your cute daughter with some bruises like you had by your boyfriend.

Let him see her, but be there when he does, unless he'll start fighting in front of you and Geena, then don't. It'd hurt Geena to see you guys fight, and trust me, it'd hurt her more since she is only 4 and she'd be scared and wouldn't know what to do.

I think you should let them see each other but only in a crowded place or somethin. Yall should go to the mall together or something. All i can see is never ever have the two of you, even the three of you be alone.

No, he shouldn't be allowed to see her. He ABUSES you. That will traumatize your daughter. She will be scarred with memories of her OWN father beating her LOVING mother. Avoid him as much as possible. But if he does force his way to see her and beats you up, sue him. Bring up your past with him and how he beats you up and leave you bruised and crying to court. I'm sure the judge will give him a restraining order and if he ever gets close to you, he will be put to jail. Jackie Kennedy did the same thing because she had a deranged stalker. But what's more dangerous? An unknown stalker or an abusive ex-boyfriend? He should be sued. Be in the protection of your family. He has no right to see his daughter. He may have provided money when you were pregnant but that really doesn't matter. Your life may be at stake if he gets to you and beats you up. He may argue to you about him being the father and him having a right to see his daughter but if you disagree in any way, he may fight back, leaving you hurt. If you are abused too badly, you may die from god knows what. I know I am not much of help to you since I'm only 12, but take precautions. If you have a good friend that is a guy, he can take on the role of a god father and protect your daughter just as a father would. He would be there when your daughter needs a father. Just take precautions against him and be in safety hands of your family. If you have no more resources of help, go to the police.

Nah - he has no right to treat you like that. Furthermore, it's best to keep your daughter away from violence...or at least violent people.

i know this advice might sound stupid but tell your mom tell someone make him a note telling him that he's hurting you..and in the long run hes hurting your daughter.....things like this get stuck in a girls head

2 words
1) Restraining
2) Order
Its the only way (abuse isnt something to be afraid of)
its something to fix

(btw: ur daughter is sooo cute)

i think he should be able to see his daughter, but have supervised visits. like if you go to court ,sometimes they gran the father permission but with supervision of a court member or someone of high authority, i think you should do that. so if he tries to harm her or anything he cant becos the person watching them two visit will prevent it of course.

He's raped and beaten you. If I were you, I absolutely would not trust my daughter in the hands of a rapist, even if it is her father. Maybe, you can let him see Geena in a crowded place, like a mall. Maybe by law, but I don't think morally, he should be able to see her..

By the way, Geena is adorable <33

raped???
Yeah, like everyone else said. Supervised visits and gain full custody. go to court if nessicary.

NOOO...hez abusive...dun let him see his daughter cuz he mite hit her!


i agree

my advice would be to get a court order, so you don't have to make difficult decisions like this with out legal help. if you decide to go to court, then you should also bring up the subject of Tom's hitting problem. good luck

Get away from him, seriously, even though he has a right, I really don't think it's safe for you and Geena. IF Tom still tries/struggles to see her, call the police! (Geena is SOOOO CUTE btw )

I grew up watching my dad hit my mom, even though i never really saw it, when i see or hear a woman cry it messes me up bad, Don't let her see him, you have a point what if he does hit her? My dad use to hit me all the time... and as fro her asking you why he hits you... Tell her the truth, Explain to her why, i know shes young but she'll understand. Better her find out now then later, just try not to be bitter, and let her know she doen't have to make the same mistakes you did. Its not love if it leaves a bruise.. i hope i helped.. You can message me to talk more.. I don't mind.. Potmonkeyjd@yahoo.com.. Im also on yahoo messenager
Love ya

Hakkai

absolutely no no no no! u shouldn't let him see her! what kind of father hits his wife in front of a child!? he does have a right, and i'm not sure, but i guess if you explain the situation in a court, than they can make him NOT see your daughter. it's for ur sake and ur daughter's, i think.

hmm... maybe go to counseling or something with Tom. i think he has an anger management problem..

i think that you might have to get legal custody of her if he continues to be violent

Wow! first of all I would like to give you props for saying all this.

But I do think, he does have the right to see his daughter. I mean he and you brought her into this world. I mean if he want to see her, meet somewhere in public where he can't hurt you and try to say something nice and considerably. I know many other people have comments for you too, i just wanted to say a word in this. Well good luck and take care.

I think he gave up the right to ever see his daughter when he hit you. It's just not right.

thier right.. if u think u should go to court then go to court.

i couldnt agree any more

I think you should go to court seriously might take a while but at the end is worth it , He should and shouldnt see her:

Reasons why he should:
1.He is the father
2. Shes going to ask in the future

Reasons why he shouldnt:

1. He might abuse your daughter like he abused you..
2. He might take out his anger on your daughter..

but think it out list the pros and cons.

I dont think he should see your daughter. If he hit you, think of what he could do to her. If i was you, i'd try to get a restraining order or full custody if you dont alredy. But thats just me. If you want him to see her, do it with a big group of people (including you) around because that way he wouldnt try to do anything while everyone is around.

You should think what's best for yourself and your daughter. If you have to leave him, then leave him. But ya know it's your decisions.

Get a restraining order against him.

I am so sorry you had to go through his abuse.
This man has no right to see your child. If he has physically abused you and hurt you, what does he want with your daughter? Protect your daugher at all costs, and do not leave her with him alone. If he must see your daughter, make sure that you and some sort of authority are with him as well. Make a life without him and protect your daughter from any violence that might traumatize her.

Best of luck to you and your adorable daughter. <33