1) A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both startled and he says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
She seductively replies, "If your d**k is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."
2) Police arrested Tim Davidson, a 27 year old white male, resident of White Plains, NY, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38pm on Halloween. Davidson will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the County courthouse on Tuesday. The suspect allegedly stated that as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview from the County courthouse jail.
Davidson went on to state that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need".
"I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.
In the process, Davidson apparently failed to notice the White Plains police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure" said officer Taylor. "I walked up to (Davidson) and he's...just working away at this pumpkin."
Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Davidson. "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?' He got real surprised, as you'd expect, and then looked me straight in the face and said, 'A pumpkin!? Damn...is it midnight already?'"
3) A man was doing a study of children's senses in a first-grade class using a bowl of Lifesavers. He gave the children all the same kind of Lifesaver and asked them, "What is the flavor, and what color is it?" The children began to say, "Red . . . cherry . . . yellow . . . lemon . . . lime . . . green . . . orange . . . orange."
Finally, he gave them all honey Lifesavers. The children suck on them for a while, but can't decipher the taste. "Well," he said, "I'll give you a clue. It's what your mother would call your father."
One little girl looked up in horror, spit hers out, and yelled: "Everybody spit it out, they're assholes!"
well yeah...that's all I know off the top of my head...but submit your own...and leave comments...or questions
Full Version: dirty jokes
Should this be moved to 'humor'?
I didn't really find any of them funny.
I didn't really find any of them funny.
QUOTE(emrzz09 @ Nov 15 2004, 12:25 PM)
Should this be moved to 'humor'?
I didn't really find any of them funny.
I didn't really find any of them funny.
you didn't have to
ahha...i like the 1st one and the 3rd one....they're uhh....INTERESTING ahha..
lmao how funny 
hm..but yeah, I think this should be in Humor...but o wells
hm..but yeah, I think this should be in Humor...but o wells
i think theyre hilarious! lol! what can i say? i have a weird sense of humor 
I heard all of them, but yea... I like the 1st one the best.
3rd one is my favourite.
What are you talking about.. you only posted three jokes. 
Haha, get it?
Man, I crack myself up.
Haha, get it?
Man, I crack myself up.
hah number 3
QUOTE(krnxswat @ Nov 15 2004, 8:52 PM)
What are you talking about.. you only posted three jokes.
yeah, and to make it really easy for you, it said jokes note the s
and FYI, 3 is more than one lol..maybe I'm not understanding you...I've been ditsy lately 
Lol, I really liked the third one.
Ahem, yeah, this should be in the humor section.
Ahem, yeah, this should be in the humor section.
QUOTE(xSWEETxCANDiix @ Nov 16 2004, 12:24 AM)
yeah, and to make it really easy for you, it said jokes note the s and FYI, 3 is more than one lol..maybe I'm not understanding you...I've been ditsy lately
and FYI, 3 is more than one lol..maybe I'm not understanding you...I've been ditsy lately What are you talking about.
I said that because, dirty sounds like thirty.
Sorry, maybe this is too much for you.
ooh hahahhaa ...too much for me? hrrm.... 
I don't think so 
I've heard dirtier things than those jokes
...too much for me? hrrm.... I don't think so I've heard dirtier things than those jokes
i have one but its not rli .. dirty.. wtevvvv..
Lil mary goes to sunday school every week, but she's always sleeping through it. Lil tom sits behind lil mary. on the first week, the teacher asked, "who created us?.. mary?" lil tom pokes mary in the back to wake her up, and she screams, "GOD!" (yooh noe.. wen ure annoyed.. yooh scream god... yea..) then, on the second week, the teacher goes, "who was crucified on the cross? ... mary??" once again, lil tom pokes her in the back to wake her up, and mary screams, "JESUS!" then on the third week, the teacher asks, "what did eve say to adam after their seventh child?.. mary??" nd once again, lil tom pokes mary in the back. this time, mary turns around and screams, "if yooh stick that thing in me one more time, i SWEAR ill break it off!!!!!"
yeah
Lil mary goes to sunday school every week, but she's always sleeping through it. Lil tom sits behind lil mary. on the first week, the teacher asked, "who created us?.. mary?" lil tom pokes mary in the back to wake her up, and she screams, "GOD!" (yooh noe.. wen ure annoyed.. yooh scream god... yea..) then, on the second week, the teacher goes, "who was crucified on the cross? ... mary??" once again, lil tom pokes her in the back to wake her up, and mary screams, "JESUS!" then on the third week, the teacher asks, "what did eve say to adam after their seventh child?.. mary??" nd once again, lil tom pokes mary in the back. this time, mary turns around and screams, "if yooh stick that thing in me one more time, i SWEAR ill break it off!!!!!"
yeah
^^ That was pretty funny. lol
ahaha i like number 4.....
wrong forum....
wrong forum....
QUOTE(happygoluckyng @ Nov 15 2004, 12:21 PM)
1) A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both startled and he says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
She seductively replies, "If your d**k is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."
2) Police arrested Tim Davidson, a 27 year old white male, resident of White Plains, NY, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38pm on Halloween. Davidson will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the County courthouse on Tuesday. The suspect allegedly stated that as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview from the County courthouse jail.
Davidson went on to state that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need".
"I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.
In the process, Davidson apparently failed to notice the White Plains police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure" said officer Taylor. "I walked up to (Davidson) and he's...just working away at this pumpkin."
Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Davidson. "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?' He got real surprised, as you'd expect, and then looked me straight in the face and said, 'A pumpkin!? Damn...is it midnight already?'"
3) A man was doing a study of children's senses in a first-grade class using a bowl of Lifesavers. He gave the children all the same kind of Lifesaver and asked them, "What is the flavor, and what color is it?" The children began to say, "Red . . . cherry . . . yellow . . . lemon . . . lime . . . green . . . orange . . . orange."
Finally, he gave them all honey Lifesavers. The children suck on them for a while, but can't decipher the taste. "Well," he said, "I'll give you a clue. It's what your mother would call your father."
One little girl looked up in horror, spit hers out, and yelled: "Everybody spit it out, they're assholes!"
well yeah...that's all I know off the top of my head...but submit your own...and leave comments...or questions
They are both startled and he says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
She seductively replies, "If your d**k is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."
2) Police arrested Tim Davidson, a 27 year old white male, resident of White Plains, NY, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38pm on Halloween. Davidson will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the County courthouse on Tuesday. The suspect allegedly stated that as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview from the County courthouse jail.
Davidson went on to state that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need".
"I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.
In the process, Davidson apparently failed to notice the White Plains police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure" said officer Taylor. "I walked up to (Davidson) and he's...just working away at this pumpkin."
Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Davidson. "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?' He got real surprised, as you'd expect, and then looked me straight in the face and said, 'A pumpkin!? Damn...is it midnight already?'"
3) A man was doing a study of children's senses in a first-grade class using a bowl of Lifesavers. He gave the children all the same kind of Lifesaver and asked them, "What is the flavor, and what color is it?" The children began to say, "Red . . . cherry . . . yellow . . . lemon . . . lime . . . green . . . orange . . . orange."
Finally, he gave them all honey Lifesavers. The children suck on them for a while, but can't decipher the taste. "Well," he said, "I'll give you a clue. It's what your mother would call your father."
One little girl looked up in horror, spit hers out, and yelled: "Everybody spit it out, they're assholes!"
well yeah...that's all I know off the top of my head...but submit your own...and leave comments...or questions
i found all of those funny. lmao. good ones (:
hahaa naughty... no.1 is the best... short and humurous
HUMOR SECTION STUPPPPID
Number three was funny =D
lol. lmao. i needed this laugh. =)
i needed this laugh. =)
QUOTE(houjin_himo @ Nov 15 2004, 11:15 PM)
ahha...i like the 1st one and the 3rd one....they're uhh....INTERESTING ahha..
me too i think both of them r funny
QUOTE(audory @ Nov 16 2004, 1:47 AM)
i have one but its not rli .. dirty.. wtevvvv..
Lil mary goes to sunday school every week, but she's always sleeping through it. Lil tom sits behind lil mary. on the first week, the teacher asked, "who created us?.. mary?" lil tom pokes mary in the back to wake her up, and she screams, "GOD!" (yooh noe.. wen ure annoyed.. yooh scream god... yea..) then, on the second week, the teacher goes, "who was crucified on the cross? ... mary??" once again, lil tom pokes her in the back to wake her up, and mary screams, "JESUS!" then on the third week, the teacher asks, "what did eve say to adam after their seventh child?.. mary??" nd once again, lil tom pokes mary in the back. this time, mary turns around and screams, "if yooh stick that thing in me one more time, i SWEAR ill break it off!!!!!"
yeah
Lil mary goes to sunday school every week, but she's always sleeping through it. Lil tom sits behind lil mary. on the first week, the teacher asked, "who created us?.. mary?" lil tom pokes mary in the back to wake her up, and she screams, "GOD!" (yooh noe.. wen ure annoyed.. yooh scream god... yea..) then, on the second week, the teacher goes, "who was crucified on the cross? ... mary??" once again, lil tom pokes her in the back to wake her up, and mary screams, "JESUS!" then on the third week, the teacher asks, "what did eve say to adam after their seventh child?.. mary??" nd once again, lil tom pokes mary in the back. this time, mary turns around and screams, "if yooh stick that thing in me one more time, i SWEAR ill break it off!!!!!"
yeah
ha thats pretty funny.
the first and third one were funny, didnt bother to read the second, it was too long.
ahahaha thts so funny. I love the last one
lol the last one and the first one is funny
hahahah
i liked the 3rd one the best
i liked the 3rd one the best
its okay. didnt crack me up..
the 3rd one was cute. I didn't get the 2nd one
???
i like the third one... the others are just... um... weird.
The teacher asked her students to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence. Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted the word 'fascinate'."
Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated."
The teacher said, "Good, but I wanted the word 'fascinate'."
Little Johnny Siebert raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Johnny was noted for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate' so she called on him.
Johnny Seibert said, "My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight."
The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted the word 'fascinate'."
Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated."
The teacher said, "Good, but I wanted the word 'fascinate'."
Little Johnny Siebert raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Johnny was noted for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate' so she called on him.
Johnny Seibert said, "My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight."
i dont get the 2nd one....
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