Help - Search - Members - Calendar
Full Version: a noble and valet war
Forums > Community Center > Academia > Writing
Heathasm
Not to stir the molecular form, and not to rattle the ghosts,
Droplets stain the overly cushioned chairs, with arms painted velvet-rose;
Mist eludes the noble men’s spirits, and erects a smell of perfume-
From noble ladies breasts and hair, who once played the lyre and loomed-
Inside a house of noble haggeri--
The spirits trudge, and pass the fluids through;
As unembodied valets claw, and at the door of their graves pass through-
The dank crystal river (served as a catacomb to most)-
Not to touch the hill in which a red house sits-
And moonlight sets, on the pale form of their ghosts

Currycombed bones break and grow mold,
As the blood-tainted water churns-
And boils the sweet oil-anointing like tears of the damned

Not to but tear, the red door down,
And rightfully restore a bloody valet’s goodman crown,
Shrieking tunes and seams shatter,
As the bloody water rains down;
(Boom, boom, boom)
Do the raindrops go,
As the valets break down the door
(Boom, boom, boom)
The raindrops go
As the noble men and women are put beneath the floor
TheSilenceInDiction
Truly a fine piece of work.

Very detailed and well-thought out. I don't want to give a detailed review, I feel the need not to. Just acknowledging that it was really good is enough, IMO. I said "Nice" aloud a number of times. laugh.gif

QUOTE
Currycombed bones break and grow mold,
As the blood-tainted water churns-
And boils the sweet oil-anointing like tears of the damned


Love that stanza. happy.gif

Keep up the good work, Heather, and be sure to post it up.

-Joe.
Heathasm
QUOTE(MasteRxKiD @ Sep 27 2004, 3:41 AM)
Truly a fine piece of work.

Very detailed and well-thought out. I don't want to give a detailed review, I feel the need not to. Just acknowledging that it was really good is enough, IMO. I said "Nice" aloud a number of times. laugh.gif



Love that stanza. happy.gif

Keep up the good work, Heather, and be sure to post it up.

-Joe.

thanks for the great comment!
happy.gif the darkest stanza

ill deffinately be posting my work on here whenever i finish a new one. I dont know any one interested in poetry and it's hard to get people's opinions
TheSilenceInDiction
QUOTE(Heathasm @ Sep 27 2004, 8:29 AM)
I dont know any one interested in poetry and it's hard to get people's opinions

Well, Now you do. happy.gif
This is a "lo-fi" version of our main content. To view the full version with more information, formatting and images, please click here.