-|-How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on
-|-The more you cry, the less you have to pee.
-|-War determines not who is right, but who is left
-|-Humpty Dumpty was pushed!
-|-If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
-|-If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
-|-Have you ever noticed.... Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
-|-If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
-|-What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
-|-Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
-|-Why does your nose run, and your feet smell
-|-Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills
-|-What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant
-|-I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
-|-Headaches are all in your mind
-|-Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have big fingers
-|-Why do they rate a movie "R" for "adult language?" The only people I hear using that language are teenagers
-|-Free one dollar bills! Please send $4.95 to cover postage & handling. (Limit $1 per order)
-|-The latest survey shows that three out of four people make up 75% of the population
-|-Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings..... they did it by killing all those who opposed them
-|-Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
xchoklaholikx: haha
-|-Whoever says that the small things don't matter should try sleeping with a mosquito in the room.
-|-Never raise your hands to your kids; it leaves your lower half unprotected
-|-"Everything has a purpose" he said for no reason at all.
-|-I was the best man at the wedding. If I'm the best man, why is she marrying him?
-|-If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
-|-If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
-|-Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.
-|-Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring <--i dunt get it
-|-I didn't say it was your fault. I just said I was going to blame you
-|-What is a "free" gift ? Aren't all gifts free?
-|-There are three types of people in this world - those who can count, and those who can't.
-|-Friends don't set friends on fire.
-|-Chocolate is the answer to EVERYTHING
-|-A day without sunshine is like...night
-|-Always remember you're UNIQUE just like everyone else.
-|-Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way if he gets angry, he'll be a mile away and barefoot
Full Version: Funny Quotes
lol i heard those b4
QUOTE(LilPiggi3 @ Aug 1 2004, 12:25 AM)
-|-If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
good question....
If you have some funny quotes, post here i will add on the list
when something goes wrong at work, always blame the guy that cant speak english.
"Man standing high on toilet, is high on pot."
"Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research."
"I must b gettin old cuz im more interested in the food i eat than the girl who serves it"
"In this life I'm a woman. In my next life, I'd like to come back as a bear.
When you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for
six months. I could deal with that. Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too. When you're a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that. If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers you or your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them, too. I could deal with that. If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat. Yup... gonna be a bear."
when something goes wrong at work, always blame the guy that cant speak english.
"Man standing high on toilet, is high on pot."
"Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research."
"I must b gettin old cuz im more interested in the food i eat than the girl who serves it"
"In this life I'm a woman. In my next life, I'd like to come back as a bear.
When you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for
six months. I could deal with that. Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too. When you're a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that. If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers you or your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them, too. I could deal with that. If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat. Yup... gonna be a bear."
ok...this is more of a thought than a quote:
"In this life I'm a woman. In my next life, I'd like to come back as a bear.
When you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for
six months. I could deal with that.
Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too.
When you're a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.
If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers you or your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them,
too. I could deal with that.
If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.
Yup... gonna be a bear."
"In this life I'm a woman. In my next life, I'd like to come back as a bear.
When you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for
six months. I could deal with that.
Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too.
When you're a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.
If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers you or your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them,
too. I could deal with that.
If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.
Yup... gonna be a bear."
"Man standing high on toilet, is high on pot."
:D
:D
lmao the bear one is funni.
thx for teh quotes... try n keep them at 1 line
eh how do i delete the posts tho? to save space...
thx for teh quotes... try n keep them at 1 line
eh how do i delete the posts tho? to save space...
Whoa. I wanna be a bear..
i thought it was confusious says man who stand on toilet, is high on pot...
my sister told me that...
my sister told me that...
no more quotes? this is dissapointing/
when something goes wrong at work, always blame the guy that cant speak english.
i wanna be da bear x]
O_o i dun get any of them..lol..
Haha I see.
thx for postin the one about work... ehh sry i hafn't checked up in here for a while
i realized i can't delete posts so the posts will continue to accumulate and i can't delete dem to save space. bummer
i realized i can't delete posts so the posts will continue to accumulate and i can't delete dem to save space. bummer
lmao the bear one is funny, xDD
[260 postsss] i am so cool.
[260 postsss] i am so cool.
Not funny, but pretty amusing:
"We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world." 9/21/88
"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a 'part' of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a 'part' of Europe."
"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century." 15/9/88
"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children." 18/9/90
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago"
"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people."
"I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix."
All of the above are from Dan Quayle
I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming."
Jimmy Carter.
"I have orders to be awakened at any time in the case of a national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting."
Ronald Reagan.
"I'm glad I'm not Brezhnev. Being the Russian leader in the Kremlin. You never know if someone's tape recording what you say."
Richard Nixon.
"Politics is supposed be the second oldest profession. I have come to realise that it bears a very close resemblance to the first."
Ronald Reagan.
"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."
Former French President Charles de Gaulle.
"We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world." 9/21/88
"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a 'part' of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a 'part' of Europe."
"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century." 15/9/88
"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children." 18/9/90
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago"
"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people."
"I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix."
All of the above are from Dan Quayle
I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming."
Jimmy Carter.
"I have orders to be awakened at any time in the case of a national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting."
Ronald Reagan.
"I'm glad I'm not Brezhnev. Being the Russian leader in the Kremlin. You never know if someone's tape recording what you say."
Richard Nixon.
"Politics is supposed be the second oldest profession. I have come to realise that it bears a very close resemblance to the first."
Ronald Reagan.
"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."
Former French President Charles de Gaulle.
well im sry but since i can't delete posts thers no point in putting all those quotes in the first entry... great quotes tho they were hliarious
Sorry but I meant that the quotes I posted are not that funny but amusing, sorry if there was the misunderstanding that I was referring to your quotes. 
ehh at beginning was i thinking of putting all the quotes in one post, then deleted all the comments so i cud save sum space... but then i realized i can't delete so thers no point in moving everything up to first post
and i meant that ur quotes are funni. er amusing.
and i meant that ur quotes are funni. er amusing.
Ok my bad.
lmao yeh its alright
QUOTE
"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century." 15/9/88
haha i find that really really amusing
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