I alwayf find these jokes lying around online and i never get tired of them. Here goes:
Q. How many idiots does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Four. One to hold the bulb and three to turn the stepladder.
Q. How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Just two, but I don't know how they got in there.
Q. How many radical feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. That's not funny!!!
Q. How many gypsies does it take to change a light bulb ?
A. Just one, but you lose a lot of light bulbs.
Q. How many school teachers does it take to change a light bulb on the space shuttle?
A. 1000001. One to change the light bulb and a million to pick up the pieces.
Q. How many Macintosh users does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Three. One to change the bulb, one to copyright the method for changing the bulb, and one to call in the lawyers on anyone who infringes on the "look and feel" of the bulb changing method.
Q. How many IBM PC owners does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Only one, but he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.
Q. How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Only one, but it takes eight million years.
Q. How many creationists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. That's a trick question. Light bulbs don't change.
Q. How many T.V. Evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. One, but for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
Q. How many existentialists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Two. One to bemoan the darkness until the other redefines something else as light.
Q. How many analytic philosophers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. It's a psuedo-problem. Light bulbs give off light (hence the name). If the
bulb was broken and wasn't giving off light, then it wouldn't be a "light
bulb" now would it?
Q. How many monists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Don't be silly. There is only one monist.
Q. How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?
A. One, but it has to know its own Goedel's number.
(If you have to ask me what that means, then you won't find it funny.)
Q. How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Lawyers don't change bulbs, but if you're looking for someone to really screw a bulb...
Q. How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, lawyers only screw us.
Q. How many American college football players does it take to change a light bulb?
A. The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
Q. How many people at an American football match does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Three. One to change it and two to tip the contents of the ice bucket over the coach to congratulate him on a successful bulb screwing.
Q. How many pro-choicers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two. One to do it and one to assert that the bulb didn't exist before it was lit up.
Q. How many pro-lifers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Six. Two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
Q. How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity anymore.
Q. How many Irish guys does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Five. One to hold the bulb, and four to guzzle beer until the room spins.
Q. How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. About one third less than for a regular bulb.
Q. How many Princeton students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Two---one to mix the martinis and one to call the electrician.
Q. How many Brown students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Eleven---one to change the lightbulb and ten to share the experience.
Q. How many Dartmouth students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. None---Hanover doesn't have electricity.
Q. How many Cornell students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Two--One to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the pressure.
Q. How many Penn students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Only one, but he gets six credits for it.
Q. How many Columbia students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Seventy-six--one to change the lightbulb, fifty to protest the
lightbulb's right to not change, and twenty-five to hold a counter-protest.
Q. How many Yale students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A None--New Haven looks better in the dark.
Q How many Harvard students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A One--he holds the bulb and the world revolves around him
Q How many MIT students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A five --one to design a nuclear-powered one that never needs changing, one to figure out how to power the rest of Boston using that nuked lightbulb, two to install it, and one to write the computer program that controls the wall switch.
Q How many Vassar students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A Eleven--One to screw it and ten to support its sexual orientation
Q How many Middlebury students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A Five--One to change the lightbulb and four to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion.
Q How many Wellesley students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A The whole student body--girls can't do anything right.
Q How many Stanford students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A One, dude.
Q How many Oberlin students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A Three--One to change it and two to figure out how to get high off the old one.
Q How many Georgetown students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A Four--One to change it, one to call Congress about their progress, and two to throw the old bulb at American U. students.
How many Duke students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A whole frat--but only one of them is sober enough to get the bulb
out of the socket.
How many Kenyon students does it take to change a lightbulb?
I don't know, I couldn't find the campus.
How many Williams students does it take to change a lightbulb?
The whole student body--when you're snowed in, there's nothing else to
do.
How many Tufts students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two--One to change the bulb and the other to say loudly how he did it as
well as an Ivy League student.
How many Sarah Lawrence students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five--One to change the bulb and four to do an interpretive dance about it.
How many Swarthmore students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Eight--It's not that one isn't smart enough to do it, it's just that
they're all violently twitching from too much stress.
How many Mount Holyoke students does it take to change a lightbulb?
One--she calls a Smithie to do it.
How many Smith students does it take to change a lightbulb?
One--all you need is one hot woman and you'll never have a heterosexual
lightbulb again.
How many Boston University students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Four--One to change the bulb and two to check his math homework.
How many Amherst students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Thirteen--One to change the bulb and an a capella group to
immortalize the event in song.
How many Wesleyan students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Wesleyan's boycotting GE . . . you know, military-industrial complex and
all that.
How many Connecticut College students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two--One to change the bulb and one to complain about how if they were at
a better school the lightbulb wouldn't go out.
How many Bucknell students does it take to change a lightbulb?
One--but he'll only change it if he can put in a white-light bulb.
How many Bowdoin students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three--One to ski down to the general store and buy the bulb, one to take
the chairlift back to school, and one to screw it in.
How many Bard students does it take to change a lightbulb?
One--but she'll only do it if it's an alternative light bulb.
How many Boston College students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Seven--One to change the light bulb and six to throw a party because he
didn't screw it in upside down this time.
How many Reed students does it take to change a lightbulb
One--and she doesn't even need a ladder because she has platform
Birkenstocks.
How many Lafayette students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two--one to hold the lightbulb, and one to drink until the room spins.
How many Virginia students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two--one to change the bulb and one to talk about how Mr. Jefferson would
have wanted it done.
Full Version: Light Bulb
QUOTE(GreenTze @ Aug 2 2004, 3:10 PM)
Q. How many gypsies does it take to change a light bulb ?
A. Just one, but you lose a lot of light bulbs.
A. Just one, but you lose a lot of light bulbs.
LOL dats my favorite 1
How many forum members does it takes to change a light bulb?
1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
5 to flame the spell checkers
3 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's
3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"
5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.
1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
5 to flame the spell checkers
3 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's
3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"
5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.
lmao@the stanford one. i know a couple of people there, i never noticed the excessive "Dude"s before lol
very cool
lmao@ forum lightbulb thing.... sounds like cB =P
very cool
lmao@ forum lightbulb thing.... sounds like cB =P
haha the forum light bulb joke is funny!! cuz it's so true.
couldnt answer the radical feminist one, but could answer the ones about all the other races, huh? u probably dont have a problem with gypsies, yet u dont go to the answer and go THATS NOT FUNNY!!!111one like u did with the radical feminist one
moohaha i like the one of the lawyers 
lol thats funni. man i didnt realize that there waz alot of those.
LOL long but hilarious... i liked jnuked ones those are frick'n funny!!!!!!!!!
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