whoever said papercuts are the worst has never been given a razor to play with.

build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day. light a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

got any more?

heres a few:

Every teenager should get a high school education. Even if
they already know everything."

Marriage is like taking a hot bath. After you've been in it
for a while...it isn't so hot.

"I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get
to the end and think, 'Well, that's not going to happen."

"If you're playing a poker game and you look around the
table and can't tell who the sucker is, it's you."

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals
dying of nothing.

"The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant.
Every table had an argument going."

"According to a recent survey, men say the first thing
they notice about a women are their eyes.
And women say the first thing they notice about men
is they're a bunch of liars."

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred
dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?

In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now
the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

"Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession.
I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the
first."

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but
it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Doctors can be frustrating. You wait a month-and-a-half
for an appointment, and he says, "I wish you'd come to me sooner."

survey says that 4 out of 5 doctors think tha 5th doctor should chill out

from whose line is it anyway... i think i got it wrong someone correct me if i did

the number one cause of divorce is marriage

lalalalala - i can't see you!!!!

never paly leap frog with a unicorn, if at first you dont succeed then skydiving is not for you,eagles may be smart but weasels dont get sucked into jet engines

heres some:

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes

Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not too bright.

There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count.
Which of the three are you?

help the man to catch a fish, you feed him for a day
teach a man how to fish, you feed him forever

i like that one, good lesson.

but if you put that in a different situation...


help the old lady across the street, she gets across faster
teach an old lady across the street. = ????


eh.. i'm bored.. just thought about it.


"i hate people that quote themselves" - me

- Homer Simpson
Oh god I hope that was PG-13

"Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't."

"Dyslexics of the world, untie!"

I have a few others, I'll be back to edit this post.

cant think of any

when life gives u lemons bust out the tequila and salt and party!!!

Confucious say: "Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok."

300 posts -- yippee.

"Behind every successful man is a surprised mother-in-law."
--Hubert Humphrey

"Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like you - very homosexually. " - Peter Griffin from Family Guy.

"Ok, ok. I've got it, I've got it. If you cooked any more slowly, you wouldn't need an egg timer. You'd need an egg calender. Ah ha ha ha. Oh, that's right. I went there. " - Stewie Griffin

"Never take advice from somebody else" -- somebody else (my siggy)

being pissed off is better than to be pissed on

joy is like peeing in your pants, only you can feel the warmth



haha.. piss jokes

Procrastinators unite! Tomarrow.....

Owwie.... I didn't think running into the wall would hurt THAT much.
(My friend ran into the wall because he's an idiot... -.-u)

When life gives you lemons, make limeade.

I don't discriminate, I hate everyone!

I Love Everyboby (And Other Atrocious Lies)
(Title of a book....)