i don't really understand the other part about how you're trying to show no pain or emotion. what do you mean? do you just cry a lot and get hurt a lot now or something?
I'm usually just a empathetic person (among guys: HUGE disadvantage, but girls love it), but I'm tired of just getting all this shit from other guys in gym. I'm always called a f****t and cocksucker and shit like that. I just want to prove them that I can be a guy (and less of a weakling). The general hypermasculine stoic stereotype in our high school reigns supreme. The only sport that I'm good at (surfing) , I can't play where I live. And according to the male student body (Jock = Good, Girls love you, etc.) (Not in a sport= stupid, pathetic, ugly, gay, retarded, etc.) also (any emotion besides anger= extreme weakness, [no balls, ect.]) (anger= powerful, commands respect)
My girlfriend said to try out for the football team next year (sure... great idea 5' 11', 188 pound guy would be perfect for football).
Also, people at my school hate the fact that i hate wrestling, MMA; the only sports team i've ever respected is the Yankees. I don't watch sports, i don't play sports.