Hey you guys..
I guess I need a little advice..
See.. my ex, my first love.. we went out for almost 2 years. And we had a bad break up over a year ago. It was due to "lost, fading love" since we're long distance.. but obviously it was because another girl was involved. My ex-bf used to treat me like I was his entire world; he loved me like no other.. I was heartbroken when he left me for someone else, because he had changed so much. And I guess after being with her, he began to morph into someone new.. the "jerk" or the "cheater".. sigh.. afterwards their relationship ended because he cheated that girl as well.. ever since.. we haven't talked.. for over a year..
I did so many things for him, stupidly and blindly. Just because I didn't want to lose him. I snuck out to see him, but he left me waiting outside his house and didn't even see me.
Now lately, he's been coming back to me. It started one night where I was having family issues, and I didn't have no one to turn to.. so he comforted me, and we got really close again because I told him my feelings. He made me so vulnerable to everything, yet I still confided in him. I never really took notice of how close we were becoming, because like I said, I have 0 trust for a guy like him.. but I miss him.. and now he's been coming to hang out with me and stuff.. and he did stuff on my birthday that almost made me cry.. happily. He's just a sweet guy, but he's not the same anymore. Not the guy I used to love, but nonetheless I still love him.. I can't deny it. Well anyways, today we were together. And I thought our relationship was just an "Okay, we finally both moved on and can be friends now" but apparently not. He held my hand and we laid there for an hour with him holding me in his arms.. Our faces were touching, and we almost kissed.
I don't know what to do anymore. I think I'm being used, because he's not the same, but I really love him... I tell myself maybe he changed for the better, but deep inside, all the hurt he caused me has only labeled him as selfish. I really want my old boyfriend back.. that's the reason I keep giving in to him.
I might sound weak, but I really haven't done anything to show I'm weak. I'm trying to ignore him, and I'm trying to just be happy and enjoy my life. Sigh.. Idk.. what do you guys think of my situation? And what do you think of him.. I don't even know why I wrote this. I know better than anyone else that he's not worth my time.