Well, I only have one friend in the entire town...2 in Brooklyn that I havent seen for a long time, which in turn makes me have 3 in the world but...well, here goes nothing. You see, my friend, Angela, she's a great person, funny, silly, dumb, lol, all that type of stuff. But, primarily, as our friendship became stronger and stronger she just started to take advantage of me. Like she calls me "tubba" "fatso" "fat king" so casually and expects me to just laugh it off or whatever. Well, I do when she does but deep down inside it hurts me sooo much. Cant she understand that? All of her friends are always like "oh what the hell angela thats so mean" you know all serious and stuff and she just laughs and says "oh she doesnt mind i just call her that for fun" but its not "fun" to be called fat when thats one of the worst things you HATE about yourself. Seriously. You know how it feels to be able to look in the mirror and see all that lard?? *sighs* well anyway...let me stay on topic.
Like...for instance yesturday she called and i was on the computer and she was like is that all u do all day and I'm like *pause* (cause I was really busy doin something) yea and shes alll like tch whatever and hangs up on me, out of nowhere. And she does it a lot of times too. Do your friends hang up on u just like that for the most retarded reasons? I wouldnt think, and, well, she does. It hurts a lot...especially since shes the only person i can call to talk to about life and she the only one calling for me. *sighs* Life sucks so much. She lies to, all the time, and I cant trust her cuz once i say i like someone she goes telling everyone and know she likes the same guy too. I mean like seriously, WTF??! God. That pisses me off so fukkin much.

She also said that we could go to Six Flags Great Adventure last Saturday and I was so pysched to go since I never went there but on the day we were supposed to go her fukkin dad (who was supposed to drive us there) didnt come from work to do so, and when i asked like wtf u know she said, "Oh. He lies."

Like what the hell?? God, that makes me so fukkin mad. Everything is always about her too, like she never asks how im doing, or cares, to put it like that, from what I see. Its always like "i'm gonna do this, I went there, I bought this that, I want blah blah blah yaba yaba." And NEVER does she ask nor wants to listen to me. It sucks. Especially since you cant turn to anyone else. *sighs again heavily*
And oh about my so-called friends in brooklyn: I dont even think I know who they are anymore.

So, its hard to call them that now (friends). And when I moved to New Jersey a few years ago I was actually kinda glad cuz i was sick of my ex-best friend, Anna (who I refer to as one of my 2 friends there--other being Christina).
First of all:
All she talked about was boys and her life and yada yada. She had so many boyfriends, and had a new one like every fukkin week. Then she would tell me get a fukkin boyfriend and blah blah. But I didnt care. Then of course she would always get mad at me and I was the one who would always have to apoligize for something that was HER fault. Plus, she would tell sh!t like "Aida you're not chubby you're FAT" and then she would put me on a diet and sh!t (sad, right?) and my other friend Christina was like her slave--she did everything Anna told her to, and whenever anna was mad at me she would be mad at me too). Its so fukkin stupid, seriously. And plus she didnt let me hav any other friends in school. Like, I made friends with this girl Jackie and she immediately was like "ewww stay away from here; dont go to her house; shes crazy" and all this other crap. It sucked like hell. And they didnt even come to my birthday since their dads couldnt drive them. I mean seriously, I came to both of urs and u cant even make an effort to come to mine? WTF? X_x)
Its like your whole life you were taken advantage of, lied to, spit on, harrassed...it hurrts. This is why I'm so depressed...I think about killing myself a lot, and if I dont get to do the things I love, lets say, make music videos for example, it gets even worse. I hate it

And plus theres this other thing that happened when I moved here...how the so-called friends that I had made and once had just turned there backs on me oneday and started to bully me, all this sh!t...make me miserable...which made me cry myself to sleep everyday. This happened in 7th grade, last year, and you know who caused it all? ANGELA. The one person who I'm still friends with. The one person who caused all of my horrendous grief, anguish, whatever you want to call it. And I'm still friends with her. Isnt that just horrible? Yeah but, what can I do. I need to have at least one person I could laugh with in the world, u know? I dont know my sister anymore since we are so different and i have barely any relationships with my parents.
It sucks. Life sucks. But...whats a fat girl to do, you know?