Something I wrote a while ago
Tell me what you think :)
“Oh my God, you’re just using me”, she says.
“NO!” I shout back. I try to sound convincing. “I’m not…”
“Uh-huh” She doesn’t believe me for shit.
“You’re my girl, you know that. You know I got love for you” I explain but she’s not listening. Melissa continues talking on the phone to a boy who gave her his number yesterday.
“Yeah, she’s totally ditching me for some boy” she says to the person on the line. She turns the other way. She can’t even look at me. Damn, now I feel like crap. I haven’t seen my best friend for over four months, and I am using her as a decoy so my parents will let me go out, while I plan to leave with Steven. I haven’t seen him for 2 weeks, but it feels like 4 months. I’m pretty sure I get the “***hole award”, but what can I do, he’s on his way. I convinced her to meet me here, but I left out the part where I’m going to leave her by herself in a few minutes.
“You know I love you! Look at me, I love you” I’m screaming at her by now. I want her to believe me. I do love her, I just love him more. I’m making a scene. I don’t care that the boys staring think were lesbians. The mall security guard walks by and asks if everything’s okay. We nod.
“Yeah, yeah. Okay.” She says. “Just go”
I don’t stay long enough for her to change her mind. I think of all the times we spent together over the past few years. I remember the year we started going to different schools and how we still managed to spend nearly every weekend together. Once, we ate so much cookie dough ice cream at a sleep over, we both got sick and had to stay home from school the next two days. We were inseparable. Together we have super powers.
“Hey you”, he says.
“Hey” I reply. I ditched my home girl for him. But, damn, he’s a keeper. His truck reeks of cigarettes. I don’t mind, really. He leans over and kisses me sweetly. I smile so big, I haven’t been this happy for God knows how long.
“Where are we going?”
“Where do you want to go?” his charming voice questions.
He’s not talking about a place I’d want him to take me out for dinner or a nice quiet place for us to talk. Boys will be boys. It doesn’t matter that much to me anymore; I just want to be with him.
“I don’t know, wherever.”
“I know a place” he tells me.
My heart stops. That means he’s probably taken other girls there before. I pretend I don’t care. I’m with him now. I’m his only. His kisses reassure me.
“Pay attention to the road!” I protest playfully.
“Don’t worry about that”
I decide not to. I trust him. He’s a pretty good driver for a teen, but there aren’t many street lights on this back road. Ring Ring Ring. Someone’s calling him. The person on the phone informs him of a party in an hour. The mysterious caller needs a ride. They wonder where he is. Steven doesn’t answer what he’s doing. He tells the person he’ll pick them up soon because he’s busy.
“Now… where were we?” he asks.
I giggle. He’s corny but cute at the same time. I can’t help but think he’s adorable. I’m not sure where we’re parked but I’m convinced it’s heaven.
Passions flying kite high, higher than clouds. My feelings towards him don’t lie. Emotions, clothes, feelings everywhere don’t lie. I’m finding it difficult to capture the time slipping through my hands like a little girl would to a monarch butterfly; attempting to put it in a mayonnaise jar to cherish forever. I can’t help but just stare at him. I could do this for hours if he let me.
“What?” he asks
“Oh shit” he says looking at the time “We got to go pick up someone. We’re going to a party, alright?”
I’ve wondered what it’s like to be alive—not just breathing “alive”, but living “alive”. What it’s like to flirt with death. How it would feel to cradle life it self in my hands, and smother its being ‘til it surrenders, crowning my living purposeful. Wondered what’s it’s like to feel powerful. That’s what it feels like being in his arms.
We twist and turn throughout series of back roads and dark streets. The night spits us out on a long drive way leading to a large white house. The person who lives here is definitely not bad off. A stunning beauty exits the house.
“Don’t say anything stupid” he tells me.
“What?” I ask.
“Hey sexy!” he shouts to the beautiful Barbie
Sexy? I repeat what just happened over and over in my head until I think I’m going to puke. I am instructed to sit in the back seat while miss thing sits next to my prince in the front. How did I get demoted? He tells me her name. Something exotic I can’t pronounce, making her all the more attractive. Her smile is gorgeous, showing her teeth. She gives directions to the party. I feel invisible and ugly.
“Babe, do you want to pick up drinks first?” he asks.
“Oh, it doesn’t matter. I’m not really feeling good anyway” I answer.
They both throw ugly looks my way. He wasn’t talking to me. Shit. I wish I was invisible.
“Your name is babe, huh?” she asks sarcastically.
I choke out a laugh. I mumble a bunch of nonsense and hold back tears.
They keep talking like nothing happened, but I can’t focus on their words. I don’t think about anything and just pretend this is a bad dream. The car stopped a few minutes ago, but I can’t make myself get out of the car. I feel horrible for leaving Melissa at the mall by herself for this son of a bitch I use to call my boyfriend.
“Coming out?” he asks.
He scares the shit out of me. The blackness of night makes it hard to make out his face. He’s talking to me through the open car window. I turn away so he can’t see my tears. He motions for me to move over as he slides onto the seat next to me.
“Why’ve you been hiding, stranger? You weren’t shy like this in the back of my camper” he says to me, playing like everything’s okay.
“How could you. Who the hell is that…that bitch?”
It’s hard to make out my words between my crying. He’s trying to figure out where the in the world he went wrong. He’s clueless. Confused, he searches my face for answers.
“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” he asks casually. He sounds more annoyed than concerned.
“Get away from me” I shout. “I’m going home, I’m fricken leaving….I’m getting away from you. Give me your phone; I need a ride home”
He lets out a sigh. He tries to touch my face.
“Awww, babe. You thought that we….you thought you were my…...” He tells me. He stares at his lap. “Okay, I’ll take you home. Just give me a minute.”