So last year, I became really close friends with a bunch of people on my floor and we all decided it'd be great if we lived near each other next year (this year). Of course, I got a shitty lottery number and end up two floors down from nearly ALL of my friends. I thought, at the time, that it really wouldn't be a big deal. If I ever wanted to see them, I'd just have to go up two floors.
The thing is... it's not as accessible as I thought it'd be. Last year, it was so easy - just walk out of my room and wander into any open door to hang out with anyone. Now, I have to go up the stairs and ring the bell to their suite, wait for someone to open it, then see if there's people around.
So, that in itself makes me feel a little disconnected from my friends.
The other thing is that it feels like I'm the only who cares. They've all got each other, who needs me, right? So I'M the one calling theme to see what's up, what's going on, how their day went, when's the next party, etc. I'M the one who's always doing the reaching out while they just... sort of go around doing their own thing.
It's pretty f**king exhausting, you know? I didn't realize that I'd have to work this hard just to keep friends. If I'm not constantly calling people to try to stay in touch, nobody would tell me anything.
I have no clue what's going on with who, I hardly talk to half of my friends anymore, and I just feel... sort of depressed. Maybe this is the PMS talking, but I kind of just want to give up. If they still want my friendship, they'll have to start reaching out to me. I'm not going to do shit for them and wait at their doorstep like a f**king lost puppy. That's just not going to happen anymore.
Am I being a little immature? I feel sorta selfish, but shit man, I'm tired of being the one who's just listening to other people talk and I'm tired of being taken for granted.